


I'm a part of this, aren't I?

by An_outsider_looking_in



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Callum has a sister, Deaf Character, Drug Addiction, F/F, Hospitals, Infrequent Swearing, Insomnia, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Relationship Issues, Revenge, Schizophrenia, Sleeping Pills, Suicide Attempt, Therapy, Wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:00:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 50
Words: 51,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23205436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/An_outsider_looking_in/pseuds/An_outsider_looking_in
Summary: Ben struggles to comprehend his deafness and is growing tired of Callum and his signing up to sign language courses. This story is built from the storyline about Ben stealing the car and Callum seeing him with another man. A bit of a ridiculous storyline the whole stealing car thing but I guess Ben is trying to prove that he is still capable of being a criminal, even if he is deaf. Thus pushing Callum away in the process. Callum only means well but it can be a little intense.  I hope to explore Callum and the return triggering of his PTSD after the warehouse ordeal.I hope you enjoy this, as we have been to reduced  to only two episodes a week now I figure we need to rely on the fic writers to see us through these vague plot points in the show. Stay well and I look forward to seeing what my fellow ballum writers produce over these coming weeks
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 76
Kudos: 171





	1. Chapter 1

  
After they found out that Ben's operation wouldn't be for another month, Callum had taken it upon himself to source out some sign language classes. Whilst apprehensive, Ben had aggreed to attend.

* * *

Callum stood anxiously outside the community centre. He had been standing there for about an hour and the sign language class was about to start.

_Where are you?_ He texted Ben, for the third time. He had offered to meet Ben and walk with him but Ben was insistent that he meet him there. Callum walked inside the community centre and saw the couples who were waiting to attend the session.

_I'm going in, hopefully see you soon. _ He messaged Ben once more.

The session began and at the end he picked up some leaflets to give to Ben. As he headed back into the square a little disheartened he tried to be patient.

Ben was leaving the Prince Albert with another man, Callum watched as they headed into the Vic. He refused to jump to conclusions.

"Ben, Ben? " he walked into the Vic and saw them sitting at the bar. Ben didn't hear him, Callum placed his hand on Ben's shoulder. Ben jolted a little as he turned and saw Callum.

"You missed the class," he said to Ben.

"Class? Oh right," Ben said.

"Whose your friend? " Callum stroked Ben's hair and Ben moved his head away.

"I'll see you at home baby?" Ben said.

"Don't you need me to help? Like translating?" Callum asked.

"Translating what?" the man with Ben said.

"He's deaf, he didn't say?" Callum said.

"I'll see you at home," Ben said.

* * *

Callum stood up and walked away and out of the Vic.

He sat at home, worrying about Ben. Hours passed and he began to wander whether he should have gone after Ben.

* * *

Ben sat at the bar.

"Another drink?" the man asked him, he spoke louder and with extra wide mouth movements which made Ben feel uncomfortable.

"What? Drink, no, " he said, he felt terribly guilty.

"Actually I'm going to go," Ben said and stood up.

* * *

Callum sat at home nursing a warm beer. The panthlets lay on the coffee table before him. His phone was beside him.

_"I'm sorry. _  
_I'm looking for you,_  
_I'll find you, _  
_I really need you_,"  
Callum often found himself re-reading these texts. They proved to him that Ben could open up and that this was just fear, this erotic behaviour was something Callum would have to stand by as they approached the difficult next few weeks. He had never mentioned to Ben that he had seen these texts, they had been sent whilst Callum was stranded in the warehouse.

* * *

Callum's phone rang, it was Kathy.

"Alright?" he said.

"Yeah sweetheart, it's Ben he's been arrested."

"For what?"

"He stole a car, " Kathy said.

"That's ridiculous."

"Yeah well because of his condition they are letting him out with a warning, " Kathy said." Despite the fact that he has previous offenses."

"Shall I come over? "

"Naah darling I just wanted to let you know so you didn't wonder where he is."

"OK thanks," Callum hung up and sat on the sofa. He looked at the picture of them that sat by the sofa. He remembered when it was taken and the laughs that were shared that day.

* * *

As he walked over to the kitchen, he opened another beer, throwing the cap on the counter and sitting back on the sofas

Stuart walked through the front door and looked at his brother who sat hopeless on the sofa.

"Bad day bruv?"

"Something like that, " Callum said as Stuart opened a beer.

"I feel you there, proposed to Rainie, did not go well," he said.

"I wondered why I hadn't seen her in a little bit."

"Yeah, what's up with you anyway, Ben trouble? "

"I just hoped that after everything that happened, the warehouse, the shooting that he'd realise I'm here to stay, why does he push me away? I ain't going anywhere." 

"I don't know bruv but maybe he's scared?"

"Scared of what, I'm right here. I even found some sign language classes for us. "

"Maybe thats it. Maybe he doesn't want anything to change."

"Yeah maybe," Callum sipped his beer and Stuart tapped his arm.

"You'll be ok, " Stuart said.  
  
  



	2. The next day...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum barely sleeps and when he does finally nod off he is awoken by the door slamming.

Callum sat on the sofa, empty beer bottles surrounded him on the sofa. He had barely slept.

He was just nodding off when the door slammed and Ben walked in. He wore his patchwork black and grey coat and didn't say a word.

Callum didn't say anything as he saw Ben walk into the bathroom. His vision was still blurred as he looked at his phone and wandered over to the kitchen. 

Ben re-emerged from the bedroom.

"Brew?" Callum asked Ben as he placed two mugs on the counter. Callum stopped Ben who refused to make eye contact with him. He stroked Ben's hair.

"Hey, you alright?" Callum said. Ben rolled his eyes and headed to the door. Callum rushed after him and shut the door before Ben could get out.

"No you don't get to do that, you can't just push me aside like this," Callum said. Ben purposefully looked away as not to read Callum's lips.

"I'm late," Ben said.

"For what?" Callum asked. Ben didn't say anything, he tried to open the door, Callum's palm was kept the door firmly shut. 

"So what you just won't let me leave then?"

"Not until you talk to me," Callum said 

"Talk, naah, you don't want to talk you just want to feel useful and wanted, you want me to assure you that you are the only one and that I shall commit to a clean straight life, am I close?" Callum didn't respond.

"I want you to realise that I'm here and I ain't going anywhere," Callum said. Ben only picked up some of what he was saying. He responded 

"I didn't ask you to stay, I told you a million times, I don't deserve to be loved."

"You always do this, oh poor Ben, self loathing troubled Ben, haven't you realised that we are stronger together?" Ben didn't respond and forced his way out of the door.

Callum watched as he left.

Stuart wandered into the kitchen as Callum approached the counter. 

"He don't know what he has bruv," he said and patted Ben on the back.

"Right, I'll see you later." Stuart headed out 

"Yeah you may be right," Callum said and he left the apartment.

* * *

As he walked he found himself nearing the police assessment centre, since the ordeal he had not had a chance to reschedule his entry exam for the police. It suddenly occurred to him as he was about to walk through the door, that he was incredibly nervous and not ready for any of this. Nevertheless he walked in and up to the desk.

"Good Morning, my name's Callum Highway, I was supposed to partake in an entry level assessment for the police about two weeks ago," the receptionist stared at him, her circular glasses rested on the end of her nose

"Results have been posted already, " she said, tightening her brow.

"That's the thing, I was meant to attend but circumstances out of my control meant I couldn't and well I wondered when I could reapply."

"I see, sir, let me check," she typed something on the rather old computer, wiggling the mouse and eventually printing something. Callum smiled, he could feel his leg quivering with nerves, his brow was sweaty.

"I'm afraid sir it won't be for another six months, that's when the next assessment will be, you will need to reapply. They don't take kindly to no shows I'm afraid and there is a waiting list. The reason it was so fast the first time was because you were rushed as a recommendation" she said and handed him an application form. Rather than try to explain the situation and further spike his embarrassment, Callum took the paper and thanked her.

* * *

He exited the centre and began to walk back to the square. Instead of wondering what to cook for dinner, for Ben, he glanced over at the Albert, folding the form into his pocket. Ben wasn't appreciative so Callum decided not to rush home.

* * *

Meanwhile Ben was locking up the arches, he had a knot in his stomach. He stared at his phone screen, Callum hadn't texted him and he was starting to feel quite miserable.

As he locked up, he made the decision to prepare a romantic evening in for the two of them. Rainie and Stuart wouldn't be back until much later so he decided to order some takeaway and maybe even light a few candles. It wasn't the Ritz but it was his way of showing appreciation. Since the head trauma he had been losing his patience faster and growing irritable at the ones he loves.

_Be home by 5, I have a surprise_

Ben texted Callum who didn't see the text. Ben assumed that Callum would be out running or something, it dwelled on him that he hadn't checked up on Callum for a while, he hadn't sat down and asked him about his day. It was a miracle that the boy stayed with him at all. Particularly after the horrific warehouse encounter, Ben worried about how Callum must have been feeling, he knew that he had suffered PTSD in the past from his time in the army. 

Ben noticed that Callum would awaken before him, usually he was in the bathroom or the kitchen when Ben stayed in bed. He had also noticed that Callum's sleep was restless, a lot of tossing and turning. All these thoughts made Ben feel like a chappy boyfriend. 

He opened two beers, it was a few minutes to 5 and Callum had not responded. 

* * *

As Callum sat at the bar in the Albert, he noticed he had a text. He glanced at it on his lock screen and ordered another drink.

"Same again, Tina," he said.

"You celebrating halfway? " she said.

"Naah," he said and he placed the phone in his pocket. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to give Callum more of a story as Eastenders seems to have turned him into a sidekick to Ben's storylines which is a shame as Callum is such an excellent character and I think has a lot of depth. I am going to attempt to give him more of a character arc beyond the tiny amount of screen time that he receives.


	3. Someone to hold me too close,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum stumbles in drunk. Ben lies awake in bed.

Callum walked through the door sometime in the early hours, his head was heavy. He tried to be quiet. Walking past the kitchen he noticed the candles, they had burnt down and were no longer lit, two plates were laid out and a couple of empty beer bottles. He bumped into the counter knocking off a glass, he caught it. As he stepped back he knocked a plate off the edge of the cupboard, it smashed.

"Alright, we get it!" Stuart's voice came from the other room.

"Sorry," Callum called back. As he opened the fridge, he saw the leftovers of Chinese food in plastic containers.

"Shit," he whispered, his vision was blurry. Pouring some water, he collapsed onto the sofa. Ben was in bed, it was not time for a fight. Callum felt a gut wrenching tightness inside his stomach as he saw the romantic evening that had been lined up. 

* * *

Ben lay in bed, he was awake. He heard movements in the kitchen, vague movements that were overpowered by the sound of rushing water he endured every second of every day. He lay in bed looking at the ceiling. 

* * *

Callum must have fallen asleep or passed out at some point as he awoke to a feeling of isolation. Glancing around the living room, he felt paranoid. The room was narrow, he felt like the walls were closing in. He couldn't move, metal chains dug into his wrists. His chest tightened and he began to panic, as he exhaled he saw the cold air ruminate before him. He couldn't scream, he couldn't move, his body paralysed. He wheezed, he was back in the warehouse. "No, no," he whispered through his tight breaths. He was panicking now. He could feel the damp garbage underneath his pain ridden body, the room was dark. 

It was unclear to him at what point this happened but he felt something warm. In his paralytic state he felt something.

"It's ok, it's ok, I'm here," it was distant but he knew who it was. Ben was crouching by him on the sofa. Tears rolled down Callum's face as he looked around the crumbling walls of the warehouse, they began to mould back to the pastel living room walls. They appeared to melt before him, his heart pounded

"Take a deep breath," Ben said, Callum looked at him, he tried but it felt like his chest would explode.

"In and out, babe, come on," Ben repeated this and held Callum a little tighter. A comment like that would usually provoke a sassy, sexual innuendo but now was not the time. 

"I can't," Callum wheezed, Ben couldn't understand what he was saying because he spoke in tight lipped gasps. Ben continued to encourage Callum and eventually he did begin to calm. Ben sat on the sofa and stroked Callum's hair.

"I'm sorry," Callum said.

"Mmmm?" Ben responded, "I'm here."

The severity of the attack was worsened by Callum's excessive drinking that night, it had caused him to become more paranoid and hallucinate more severely.

"How long has this been going on?" Ben asked him. Callum looked at him and didn't respond.

* * *

The cold light of the morning son dawned and Callum was resting in Ben's arm on the sofa. Stuart walked past them and quietly headed out to work. 

Callum's phone vibrated. It was Lola.

"Hello?"

"Hi Callum, just wanted to check that you guys were still on for movie night at ours tonight?"

"I'm not sure Lo."

"Is everything ok?" She asked 

"Yeah yeah." He said goodbye and hung up. As he looked at his phone he saw the message from Ben still unread.

"I'm taking a shower," Callum said. Ben was barely awake.

* * *

In the shower, Callum felt awkward. He hated that Ben had seen that, it made his skin crawl. He took his time in drying and getting dressed, he felt refreshed but still embarrassed.

* * *

Ben was making coffee when Callum walked into the kitchen. 

"Lola texted, I said we can't make it," Ben said.

"Why?" Callum asked, Ben didn't hear him, he was stirring the coffee. 

"I hate subtitles anyway, they distract me too much," he passed the coffee to Callum who placed his hand on Ben's back. Ben turned and kissed Callum 

"We'll get through this, ok?" He said. Callum smiled, his need to apologise became redundant and eventually the thought escaped his mind completely.

* * *

For the rest of the day they sat cuddled on the sofa. Ben had decided not to go out, nor had Callum. They ate the leftover chinese food and watched crap TV. 

"You shouldnt hide your pain from me, Cal. We're in this together ain't we?" Ben asked, Callum didn't respond. He took the remote from Ben and kissed him.

He held Ben's hand and lead him to the bedroom. 

* * *

Meanwhile Stuart was walking home from work when he heard a familiar voice call him.

"My boy," Stuart turned 

"Thought I told you not to come back here," Stuart said.

"I don't take orders from you," He said.

"Well, what do you want?" Stuart said.

"Can't I just come to visit my boys?" Jonno said and patted Stuart on the cheek.


	4. Daddy issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuart tries his hardest to keep Jonno away from Callum. The day of Denny's funeral is fast approaching.

"Callum don't want to see you,"

"Ofcourse he does."

"Why would he?" Stuart said. 

"I'm his dad," Jonno said.

* * *

Callum and Ben awoke sometime the next afternoon, they were nestled in one anothers arms. The sound of the post coming through the letter box caused Callum to get up. 

"Supposed we had better get up," Callum said, Ben looked at him and smiled.

"We could stay in bed?" He said, kissing Callum's hand.

As Callum wandered towards the front door, he retrieved the post and found a handwritten envelope on the top. Ben had followed him and was in the kitchen now, he was boiling the kettle.

"What is it?" Ben said, Callum shrugged and passed the letter to Ben.

"It's addressed to you, very fancy," Callum said 

* * *

"Just let me see him," Jonno said.

"Beat it alright, he is very happy with his boyfriend," Stuart said, Jonno pulled a disgusted face.

"Somethings never change do they dad?"

"When did you become a gay rights ambassador, son?" Jonno said sarcastically, signifying a limp hand gesture.

"Shut up, just because I accept him," Stuart said.

"Oh stop you'll make me cry."

"I ain't gonna argue with some bigot," he said.

"Can't believe he is still involved with all that. Well he really needs to see me then," Jonno was persistent. "Stuart you need to protect him from scum like that."

"Look I gotta get to work, do us a favour and go back to the hole you crawled out of," Stuart walked away and Jonno grabbed him.

"You'd do well to remember that I am your father. You will not speak to me like that."

"Or what, it wouldn't be the first time I took a beating from ya, only I'm a bit bigger now ain't I?" Stuart pushed Jonno away and walked, straightening his jacket.

Jonno watched as he walked away.

"You ain't seen the last of me, mate."

* * *

Ben opened the envelope and saw that it was an invitation.

"That's very formal looking," Callum said but ofcourse Ben didn't hear him. Callum poured the water into the mugs and watched Ben as he read it.

"It's an invitation to Denny's funeral," he said.

"When is it?" Callum asked. Ben didn't respond, Callum pulled Ben's chin to turn his head to face him.

"When is it?" He repeated.

"When? Two days. I didn't think I'd get invited," Ben said, laying the invitation on the counter.

"Want me to go with you?" Callum asked, Ben played close attention to his lips.

"Not sure I'm going," Ben said, he cupped his hands around Callum's face "Besides, my man needs me." He said and kissed Callum.

Callum didn't push for a response, he knew he had to be patient with Ben. 

* * *

Stuart walked through the door a little while later.

"Look at you lot, lazy bet you're just getting up?" Stuart joked as he opened an alcoholic free beer from the fridge.

"Funny," Callum laughed 

"Well, I'll leave you love birds to it, " Stuart said and wandered into his room his beer in his hand. 

"That was weird?" Callum said, he could tell that his brother was hiding something.

* * *

Callum sat on the sofa beside Ben. 

"I've been thinking about what you said and I've been looking at some trauma counselling," Callum said, Ben couldn't hear him.

Ben held Callum's hand, he could hear the briefest movements and hint of mumbled dialogue.

* * *

A little further down the road from the funeral parlour, a car was parked.

Inside, Jonno waited. He was watching the apartment. 

He waited desperately to see his son.

* * *

The invitation was still on the counter when Ben and Callum decided to cook some food.

"So, sign language courses then?" Ben began and Callum smiled at him.

"Yeah there's one starting tomorrow, at the community centre," Callum said.

"We could swing by perhaps," Ben said as he gazed into Callum's eyes.


	5. One step forward, three steps back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum and Ben attend a sign language class, only to have an unfortunate encounter with Jonno upon leaving.

That night, Callum barely slept, once he had fallen asleep he was awoken by a rather visceral nightmare. Ben stroked his arm and hugged him, "It's ok," he whispered but after that Callum struggled to get back to sleep. He lay in bed staring at the ceiling, he felt useless and hopeless. He wondered if he'd feel like this forever.

He climbed out of bed and had a shower, it was almost time to get up anyway.

* * *

They headed out a little earlier to the community centre for the sign language class.

"I'm not sure we should do this," Ben said as they stood outside the building. Callum pulled Ben to face him. 

"You can do this," he said and kissed his forehead. 

"How about we go back to the parlour instead and make sense of an empty coffin?" Ben smirked.

"Absolutely not!"

"Say again?" Ben said and winked. "Let's get this over and done with then."

They wandered into the centre, holding hands. The session ran rather smoothly despite Ben's apprehension about going. 

* * *

As they exited the group, Callum noticed a flyer pinned to the notice board. It might have been there upon entry, but he hadn't noticed.

It read as follows,

'_A friendly group for sufferers of PTSD and trauma. A safe space to share thoughts and help one another. Tea, coffee and nibbles provided, meeting every other Thursday evening.' _

He looked at it for a moment longer, Ben stood beside him, Callum took a photo of the flyer, his hand was shaking a little.

"Something to consider babe?" Ben said, "I mean if I can attend sign language courses?" He winked and Callum nodded.

"A viable option, at least," he shrugged. 

* * *

As they left the centre, Jonno was waiting.

"Hello son," he said.

"Why are you here?" Callum said.

"I want to talk to you," Jonno said. 

"Walk away now, while you can," Ben said. Jonno ignored him.

"What, you want to talk to your gay son?" Callum said, Ben only picked up on some of the words being spoken.

Jonno winced.

"There you go, we have nothing to say." Callum turned away, Ben's hand in his.

"Don't walk away from me," Jonno lunged at Callum and Ben punched him in the face, he fell to the ground.

"Like father like son," Jonno muttered, spitting blood onto the ground.

"You don't change do you?" Callum said.

"I don't want to hurt you, I want to talk," Jonno climbed up off the floor.

"Talk then," Callum said

"Not here," Jonno said and looked at Ben, "Put your rottweiler away and we can have a coffee?"

Callum turned to Ben and kissed him, "The sooner I hear him out the sooner we can move on with our life," He said, careful to proninciate each syllable.

"Why are you wasting your time on him?" Ben asked 

"I don't know," Callum said, "I'll see you later," he let go of Ben's hand.

* * *

"Make this quick," Callum turned to Jonno and they walked to the park, grabbing to-go coffees.

"I want to apologise for what happened the last time I was here. I've had time to think about it and I while I don't understand it, I'm willing to forgive you," he said.

"Forgive for what?" Callum said.

"You know for turning out, well for..."

"Being gay?"

"Yeah, I want us to stay in touch," Jonno said.

"I won't apologise for being gay, dad. If that's what this is, then I think we are done," Callum stood up.

"Wait wait, I want to tell you something else, I'm dying."

"Really?" Callum asked.

"Well no, but I will be dead if, well I borrowed some money off bad people and..."

"Bye dad," Callum wandered away leaving Jonno on the bench.

"I have a temper and I'm sorry, " Jonno called out but Callum was done.

If he wasn't so loathsome, Jonno would have made for a fantastically comedic personality. 

* * *

As he walked back through the square, he wandered into the parlour. Stuart was sitting at the desk.

"You ok, bruv?"

"Just a heads up, dad's on the square," he said. Stuart's face didn't change.

"Did you know?"

"Yeah I tried to keep it from you, told him to beat it." 

"Well it sounds like he's after money," Callum took a seat opposite him.

"You look tired, are you sleeping?" Stuart asked.

"Somewhat," Callum smiled.

"Bruv you need to look after yourself," Stuart said.

"I'm fine, things are tense at the moment that's all."

"Well just take it easy, ok, not going to be much of a police officer if you sleep on the job."

"Yeah well that won't matter, I ain't gonna do that anymore," Callum said, "Anyway better let you get back to work, I'm proud of you Stu," he said and headed up to the flat.


	6. Tomorrow is stronger that yesterday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a little bit of a domestic fluffy chapter, Ben and Callum go to a movie night with Jay, Lola and Lexi

"Hello, yeah hi, I'm enquiring about the group you host every Thursday, I saw a flyer," Callum began.

"Do you have to sign up or do you just turn up?" Callum asked, the woman on the end of the phone informed him that he was welcome to attend and wasn't expected to speak, he could just listen if he wanted to. It was very much about supporting one another.

He thanked her and hung up.

* * *

Ben walked through the door a little while later, "Alright?" He asked.

Callum nodded.

"How'd it go with your dad?" Ben asked.

"Short and shit," Callum said, facing Ben. Callum looked to Ben, who smiled at him. Ben placed his arms around Callum and said, "I know something we could do."

"I ain't in the mood for that, babe," Callum said.

"For once I actually didn't mean sex, I texted Lola, we're having movie night at their's."

"Won't Phil care that they are living in his house?" Callum asked.

"Phil? Who cares?" Ben kissed him, "We do have a little time to spare though." Ben winked.

"Not in the mood babe, I think you heard me," Callum laughed.

"Well I tried," Ben shrugged, "I'm going to grab a shower before we head out."

* * *

Callum sat on the sofa, Ben's phone vibrated.

"Hey, babe," Callum called out, pointlessly as the phone continued to ring 

Callum peered over at the screen and it was Kathy, she texted. 

"Phil's back on the square," it read.

Callum sat back, toying with the notion of deleting the message, Ben had been in high spirits lately.

He didn't, it would just cause unnecessary problems later, especially as Denny's funeral was in one day.

"You ready?" Ben wandered into the living room, a little while later.

"Yeah let's go," they stood up and headed out.

* * *

Upon arrival, Lexi rushed up to Callum and hugged him.

"Hi darling," Callum said.

"Be careful," Lola said.

"But his ribs are healed now."

"She's right," Callum said and greeted Lola with a hug.

Within minutes they were sitting on the sofa, Lexi had insisted that they watched Aladdin, much to the dismay of everyone. 

"What if I told you there were better films out there than Aladdin," Jay said.

"I'm listening," Lexi said.

"How about we watch something that isn't even disney!" Lola said.

"You are digging yourself deeper now guys," Callum said.

"I'm pretty sure disney don't own it anyway," Jay said as he scrolled through the television menu to find the film.

"It's a film that existed before remakes," Lola said.

"We are bigging this up way too much," Callum said as he realised the direction that Jay was going.

"What's going on?" Ben asked.

"Jay's picking a film," Callum said 

"God help us," Ben said.

"Shut up you, you haven't had to sit through Aladdin, 9 times this week, mate."

"Its Wednesday, Jay," Callum said.

"Oh I know that," Jay said.

"Don't you do any work?" Ben asked.

"Right here we are, this is a real film," Jay said and he pressed play on the remote. The music began playing. 

"Humour me, I just want to watch one film without any blue singing genies," Jay said as Jim Henson's Labyrinth began playing.

"How old is this?" Lexi asked.

"I watched it when I was a kid, it's a classic," they watched the film.

* * *

"That was actually good," Lexi said as the credits began to roll.

"Told ya," Jay said.

"Shall we watch Aladdin now?" Lola said and chuckled.

"Why do I bother?" Jay leant back on the chair.

"Naah we'd better get going anyway," Callum said.

* * *

They heard the front door open and Lola looked.

"Are we expecting anyone?" She said

"No, you ain't," Phil said as he walked into the living room.


	7. We're all a little fucked up, aren't we?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil is back on the square, thus further jolting Ben's unrest.

"Well, I'm waiting," Phil said.

"We didn't expect you to come back," Jay said.

"I guessed that, well now I'm going to have kill you," he said, his face firm.

They remained silent. Was he drunk? A large stupid smile stretched across the hardmans face 

"I'm kidding, your family ain't ya?" He said, rhetorically. "I'm just back for the funeral," he said. Ben could only make out some of what was being said.

"Why are you all so afraid?" Phil laughed.

"You scared us mate," Jay said.

"Funeral? Does sharon know?" Ben said.

"Hello to you too son, I have a right to be there," he said, Ben couldn't see his lips, Phil talked too quietly and quickly to properly pronunciate.

"He said he doesn't care," Callum turned to Ben who rolled his eyes at him.

"I'm just trying to help babe," Callum said.

"I ain't a child, Cal."

"What's going on here?" Phil said.

"He can't hear, hit his head during the boat crash," Lexi said.

"Well, will it come back?" Phil said, suddenly adopting a rather patronising expression.

"There's a procedure he can have," Lola said.

"But it won't be for another month," Callum said.

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here," Ben said, he grew irritable.

"Don't be angry, daddy," Lexi said and sat on his lap.

"I'm not angry at you sweetheart," he said. 

"Son, I'm sorry," Phil said.

Ben didn't respond, instead he turned to Callum.

"Right well we'd better get going anyway," Callum said.

"Don't leave on my account," Phil sat down "What we watching?"

"You left, you didn't even help us find Callum, you were only interested in your own revenge," Ben said.

"I had no reason to stay," Phil said. "Besides it clearly ended well."

"He could have died," Ben said.

"But he didn't."

They said their quick goodbyes and left. It was rather tense, phil implored that they remove the subtitles on account of Ben's leaving.

* * *

"Something seemed off tonight, with Jay and Lola, don't you think?" Callum said, he held Ben's hand. Ben remarked often that he was concerned about them holding hands in public at night but Callum assured him.

"I can't hear you," Ben said, snappily.

"Sorry," Callum said.

The rest of the small walk was in silence they entered the flat and turned on the lights. It was late, Stuart was most likely asleep.

"I can't believe him, he just turned up, " Ben said, he was pacing.

"Its ok," Callum said, he sat down on the sofa.

"Babe it's not, he'll ruin everything and then leave again, it's what he does," Ben said, growing more irritated.

"He might not, he might remain respectful."

"What, respect. Naah mate," Ben said.

"Sit down," Callum said.

"Why are you so calm, if he'd killed Keanu like he wanted to, you'd have frozen to death in that warehouse," Ben said.

"You would have found me, I know you would, because you did," Callum tried to calm Ben.

Ben didn't respond, he sat down, tears in his eyes.

Callum took Ben's hand in his and traced 'I ❤ U' onto his palm with his finger.

"I know you do. I don't know why, but I know," Ben said.

"Look, maybe we need something to clear our heads," Callum said, Ben looked at him.

"Now is not the time for sex," Ben smiled as Callum stood up and wandered to the bathroom, he returned with a packet of tablets. 

"I was prescribed these to help me sleep when I came out of hospital, perhaps we just need a real unbroken nights sleep ahead of the funeral," Callum said.

Ben looked vaguely at him, "I can't hear you babe!" He spoke a little louder. 

"Sleeping tablets," Callum said filling a glass with water. 

"We don't have to get up tomorrow," Callum said.

"Not like I'd hear the alarm anyway," Ben said, semi sarcastically. There was a sense of melancholy about him.

"Ok," he agreed and took the tablet, he walked over to the bedroom.

* * *

Callum watched Ben as he drifted off. He smiled at him and headed to the bathroom.

He brushed his teeth and he leans down to spit, he stands up and theres a figure behind him.

"Keanu?" He says as the figure appears to float towards him, its Keanu. His face is drenched and his pupils are no longer present, instead he has wide black holes for eyes. His skin is cracked and rotted. There is a smile across his bearded face.

"I'm sorry mate," Keanu say as he runs at Callum, waving his fist. Callum turns around and Keanu is gone. He exhaled loudly and takes the sleeping tablet.

Climbing into bed next to Ben, he drifts into a calm sleep. 

That was the first time he had experienced such a visceral hallucination of Keanu, he often relived that moment when Keanu turned up at the flat.

* * *

The next morning, Callum awoke in a cold sweat. He felt gross, Ben was still asleep as Callum wandered to the bathroom and turned the shower on.

As he climbed out of the shower, he wandered into the living room. An eerie figure was standing by the sofa.

Callum froze as the figure turned and stood up

"Its not real, it's not real," Callum said as he felt a hand on his arm.

"Its me, it's ok," Stuart said, turning on the lamp.

"Why are you sitting in darkness?" Callum tried to catch his breath.

"The sunlight lit the room enough that I didn't bother," Stuart said "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you," he said and hugged Callum.

"No it's fine, you fucking scared me," Callum said.

"I guess you slept though, right? I didn't hear any movements last night."

"Yeah I look a sleeping tablet," Callum said.

"Be careful with those bruv, they mess with your head," Stuart said.

"It was just a one off," Callum smiled.


	8. Denny's funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of Dennys funeral is here and Callum accompanies Ben to the service

Ben and Callum awoke early the morning of the funeral. It was a reasonably sunny day, yet they still ordained a full black attire.

As they left the flat, they saw Stuart, he was just heading to work. Callum drove him to the funeral, they didn't wait on the square to witness the car drive past.

As they reached the venue, Ben and Callum walked inside to find that it was empty. They were much too early, it was silent within the church. An eerie coldness overcame the room, the order of services were readily laid onto the benches.

"Good morning," said the man in the plain back suit, "I'm afraid we are closed for prayer on account of a service taking place," he said 

"We're here for the funeral, we're a little early," Callum said.

"I'd say so, it's not for a good while," he man said. "You are welcome to wait," he said but Ben and Callum decided that they wait outside

* * *

Ben stood with his hands in his pockets as they waited. The Hurst arrived, Sharon climbed out of the back of the family car. Kathy had rode with her, as had Ian.

Sharon walked over to Ben and thanked him for coming. Callum placed his hand on Ben's shoulder. Other people began to show up as Sharon waited by Kathy. They were never friends but she leaned on Kathy during this time.

Phil arrived as they were about to head in.

"I don't want any trouble, Sharon," he said, she looked at him.

"You did this!" she yelled.

"I didn't do this Sharon. You know that, you chose to sleep with him."

"Denny didn't deserve this," Sharon's eyes filled with tears.

"Whether you like it or not, I'm staying," Phil said, arrogantly. 

* * *

Kathy lead Sharon in, the coffin was carried ahead of them. They were seated and the service began. Ben grew irritated because he couldn't hear what was being said, he only saw the emotion on the faces. He couldn't hear the tears, the sobs he only saw the upset. He looked down at the order of service, Dennis looked happy. The young man had been taken far too young and it made Ben feel guilty.

Callum turned to Ben, he didn't say anything, instead he held his hand a little tighter and began to stroke it. Ben looked up at him and smiled. Sharon delivered a eulogy and the service finished.

As it finished, they exited in a steady pace

Sharon was first, Kathy followed. Ben and Callum waited for them to leave and then followed. Ben turned to see that Phil was not there, he must have left earlier on.

* * *

Kathy placed her hand on Ben's back and he jumped a little. "Sorry darling," she said.

"Hi mum," he hugged her and she greeted Callum too. 

"You coming to the wake?" Sharon asked.

"Wake? No," Ben said.

"Thank you for being here, Denny really looked up to you," Sharon said, Ben couldn't hear what she was saying so he smiled and told her to take care. It was an uncomfortable setting like witnessing a silent film, he watched groups rally and chat and laugh before departing in separate cars.

* * *

They proceeded to head home, Callum had gotten some beers in ready. 

"You ok?" Callum asked as they walked in, Ben had been quiet on the journey home. Callum knew by now that Ben's silences, when untreated, usually led to something illegal or dangerous.

"Thank you for being there, babe," Ben said and they sat on the sofa. Nestles in one anothers arms for a lengthy period. Callum stroked Ben's hair as they were intertwined on the sofa.

"I'm not sure what I would have done without you today, " Ben said as he looked at Callum.

"Or at all these past few weeks, with everything, if I'd lost you I don't know what I'd do."

"Its what I'm here for," Callum said.

"You really have stuck by me, despite all my shit and my tantrums and outbursts," Ben continued.

"It's because I love ya," Callum said, his pulse racing as he squeezed Ben's shoulder

"I really need you and even when you almost died because of me, you returned to me, you're a good man Callum," Ben kissed Callum. 

"Or daft," Callum said.

"I love you," he said to Callum, "I really love you," Ben said, he was shaking as the words escaped his lips, tears in his eyes.

"You complete me, you make me better," Ben said, they were both crying.

Callum was taken back, he had never seen Ben so vulnerable as this

"I love you too," was the only response that Callum could offer.

* * *

Ben fell asleep a little while later, Callum was still stroking his hair. He truly loved this man, this angry and irrational and emotional man. Callum looked down at Ben.

He slid his arm from under Ben, looking at the time. It was far too late to go anywhere, and yet he wasn't tired. Callum peered out the window, the square was cast in darkness. Ghostly. 

Callum walked over to the bathroom and reached for the sleeping pills, he had placed them at the back of the wall cupboard. He moved around the medicines, Ben's expired pain killers, nothing. They were nowhere to be seen.

"Looking for these?" Stuart stood in the doorway.

"I'm doing you a favour, bruv," Stuart said , "I've seen first hand what these do to people."

"I know, I just need them to sleep, just tonight," Callum said.

"Its a slippery slope mate, you need to nip this in the bud," Stuart said

"Goodnight," Stuart said 

Callum watched as Stuart walked back into his bedroom. He knew that Stuart was right in these matters.

As he walked back to the living room, he resumed his position next to the sleeping Ben and sat up. He fell asleep naturally at some point, unbroken. He awoke to the smell of bacon in the frying pan.

* * *

Ben was in the kitchen cooking breakfast. 

"Breakfast in bed, on the sofa," Ben was confident in himself as Callum looked at him. Ben was smiling, joking, he hadn't seen this in a while.

"By the way, you got a letter," Ben said as he walked over with a mug of fresh coffee. The letter was enclosed in a brown envelope and sat on the coffee table.

Callum picked it up, the return address was not familiar to him, he opened the letter.


	9. Moving too fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben goes about his business as normal, Callum find himself at the Vic.

Callum opened the letter. He skimmed through it, it was from the police assessment centre 

"What is it babe?" Ben asked

"Bank statement, nothing," Callum said folding the letter over.

"I'd better get to work anyways," Ben said. Callum pushed the letter into his jacket pocket.

"You sure, can't you work from home?" Callum asked.

"From home, I'd struggle to get the cars up the stairs, I reckon," Ben winked, amused by himself.

"Do you have some clients coming in, I'm sure Dotty could deal with them," Callum said, Ben tried to read his lips but struggled on most of the words.

"Clients, no I have a mountain of paperwork." Ben turned away pulling his black and grey coat on. He kissed Callum on the forehead and said goodbye, leaving. 

Callum finished his coffee.

The letter detailed an appointment for an upcoming assessment. It was a lot quicker than he had expected and caused him quite a bit of anxiety. Rather than dwelling on its he headed

* * *

He walked through the square, via the arches. He was going to wander over when he saw Ben looking rather suspicious waiting outside. A man in a black suit approached him, his hair was grey and Ben shook his hand. The man had a large briefcase and Ben rushed him inside. It looked rather suspicious but perspective was a fine thing

Callum tried not to jump to conclusions, noticing that Ben had locked the door behind him. Callum continued to walk, smack bang into an oncoming Stuart. 

"You alright, bruv?" Stuart asked.

"Yeah I'm good," Callum said, a little flustered.

"You sure?" Stuart asked

"I'm sure, " Callum says. He walks towards the Queen Vic.

Stuart watches him, he finds Callum's manner to be jittery.

* * *

Walking into the rather quiet pub, Callum sees Mick who looks desperately bored. He is standing beside the bust.

"Halfway, are you a sight for sore eyes, what can I get ya?" Mick says, chirplily.

"Pint of bitter," Callum says.

"What's new then son?" Mick asks as he pours the pint.

"Very little" Callum says as he takes a lengthy sip of the beer.

"Are you still training to be in the old bill?" Mick asks.

"I'm running but not sure if it's for me, mate," Callum shrugs.

"You seem off, something happened?" Mick prys.

"Naah, I'm just tired that's all," Callum has almost finished his pint at this point.

"Halfway, you lived here long enough that I can tell when something is off, boyfriend trouble?"

"No, well not exactly, I just, I'm struggling a little lately," Callum began.

Mick told him to wait a minute and called upstairs.

"Mother, can you come here, cover me," He called out, Shirley walked in a little while later.

"Halfwit, glad to see you in one piece," Shirley said as she poured herself a drink. "Quite the hide and seeker ain't ya, I looked through that warehouse twice," she said.

"Not well enough, clearly aye Shirl?" He said and Shirley grimaced at him.

"I forgot how well you two get on," Mick said.

"Go on then, do one," Shirley smirked and Mick and Callum headed upstairs to sit down. It had been a while since Callum had been there, it was strange. The last time he had sat there was the day of his wedding. He and Ben had sat talking on the end of the bed.

"This ain't necessary, Mick, really," Callum said, hesitantly.

"I was going out my nut down there anyway," Mick said.

"I'm just adjusting, you know, since the warehouse," Callum said "and I also recieved this letter this morning", he passed the folded letter to Mick.

Mick glanced through it.

"Ah right, this is good thought ent it?" Mick said.

"It should be, but I'm not ready, I thought I had time, and I just feel sick in my stomach."

"This is just an assessment isn't it, it's not a commitment?" 

"I think so," Callum said.

"I'm just scared, I can't sleep at night, I survived all that and can't even enjoy it life after it, I keep seeing that fucking warehouse," Callum said, his voice was shaky.

"Have you talked to someone?" Mick asked.

"There's a support group, this Thursday at the community centre," Callum said.

"Have you talked to Ben, Stuart about this?" 

"Ben is acting strange too, I saw him at the arches earlier," Callum began.

"Well the geezer does own the joint," Mick says.

"No it was with some guy, he told me it was just paperwork," Callum said, "I don't know I'm trying to be patient with all that's happening." 

"I just don't want him to slip back into criminal ways," Callum added.

"And I guess, well I'm worried that he is tiring of me, I haven't been particularly fun lately."

"What do you mean?"

"I suffered a panic attack the other night, and well I'm worried that I scared him off, he weren't there the first time round, he hasn't dealt with this before," Callum said.

"You two have been through so much, I think he'll understand," Mick said.

"I don't know, it was bad and I hoped I had gotten over this but the kidnapping it just brought it all back, the PTSD," Callum said, he looked down at his hands.

Mick listened. "When I feel like this, I talk to Tina or Linda, sometimes you just need a little assurance," Mick said.

* * *

Meanwhile Ben looked through paperwork as the suited man stood before him.

"You'll find that it's all above board Mr Mitchell," the man said, he twisted the pen in his hand.

"Um? Yeah looks good I'll just need to run it by someone first," Ben said and placed the contract into the drawer. They shook hands and the man left.

* * *

"A good night's sleep helps too," Mick said.

"If only, my sleep pattern is so disjointed right now," Callum said.

"Have you tried tablets, or something like that, just to reset it?"

"Naah mate, I hadn't thought of that," Callum said."Wouldn't want to, I saw what that did to ny brother," he said.

"They can be addictive but useful in moderation" Mick said. "I would say they are more of a last resort though."

"I'll think about it, but I live with two ex-addicts it probably isn't a responsible thing to do," Callum shrugged.

"You're right mate, besides you've battled this all before and you didn't have the support you have now back then," Mick said and patted Callum's back.

"Thanks Mick," Callum said and they hugged. Mick had been more of a Father figure to him than Jonno.

* * *

As Callum left the pub that afternoon, he walked through the centre of the square. It was quiet, peaceful. He sat on a swing and looked on at the community centre. He had noted the group in his phone. There was a delicate breeze as he sat on the swing, it cooled his face.

The square was silent for a Saturday, there were a few people but not many. As he looked up from his phone he saw Keanu.

He froze as the figure stared at him.

"I'm sorry mate, I'm sorry," Keanu said, repeatedly, "You knew, didn't you? Didn't you?" The hallucination screamed, his skin cracked and he burst into ash. Callum looked around, the world seemed to melt, he was back in the warehouse. He screamed but no one heard, it was cold and dark. He squeezed his eyes shut, "It's not real."

"No," Callum screamed, he looked around and a drunken couple were staring at him. They began laughing, he sprinted home not turning around, for a second. 

* * *

When he got home, he found Ben sitting on the sofa. 

"You alright babe?" Ben asked as Callum shut the door.

"Callum?" Ben turned around and saw that Callum stood with his back to the door, he paused the TV. Ben rushed over to him and Callum offered a thumbs up as he hunched over, clutching his chest.

"What happened?" Ben asked.

"I'm ok, just had a bit of a fright," Callum said as he caught his breath. He held Ben's face.

"Guess the jogging is paying off," Ben laughed. "Listen, theres something I've been meaning to talk to you about," Ben said.

"It can wait though, did you hear back about the trauma therapy group thing?" Ben asked and Callum nodded, "Its Thursday," he said.

* * *

Callum headed to the bathroom, he turned on the shower and collapsed to the floor. His head in his hands. He was exhausted and frightened, he knew this was caused by the fatigue. 

* * *

Ben saw the letter poking out of Callum's jacket pocket.

He pulled the letter out and unfolded it.

* * *

As he sat on the floor, Callum retrieved a packet of sleeping tablets from his pocket. He took them out of the packet and hid the silver packet inside a half empty paracetamol packet.

He assured himself that this was the emergency last resort that Mick had talked about. The hallucinations were growing more frequent, his brain needed rest.


	10. As the world falls down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions increase as Callum's health deteriorates

Callum awoke, it was dark. He could see nothing, it was tight and enclosed, his legs were cramped. 

"Help, Help!" He screamed, he was in a car boot. He punched upwards and felt nothing Eventually he passed out, his head hitting the black firm bottom of the boot.

Callum sat up, he was alone. He turned on the lamp, to find Ben's side of the bed was empty. Had he not gotten back yet?, When did he go out? Callum's brain was fuzzy as he stood up and walked over to the bathroom. It was unusually cold today, he thought as he gathered some water from the tap and drank it out of his cupped hand. 

It was really quiet, leaning on the sink he saw blood. Dripping from his head, he looked back to his reflection and saw a large cut forming. He prodded it and it began to break apart. He felt numb.

* * *

"Babe, you ok?" Ben placed his hand on Callum's back. Callum looked to him and then back to the mirror, his face was clear, the cut was gone.

"Think you were sleepwalking," Ben said and stroked Callum's back.

"When did you get back?" Callum asked, he was drowsy, Ben only could distinguish some of what was being said

"Back? I haven't been anywhere, come back to bed babe," Ben lead Callum back to bed.

* * *

He woke up a few hours later, Ben was stroking his forehead. 

"Good morning," Ben said, Callum looked up at him.

"Listen babe, I got to head out early today, will you be ok?" Ben asked.

"Yeah, yeah, course," Callum said as Ben kissed his forehead.

* * *

Callum lay in bed a little longer. Stuart was in the kitchen when he eventually got up.

"Afternoon," Stuart said, Callum rolled his eyes.

"Ain't you got work today?" Callum asked.

"Gave myself half a day, me and Rain are having a date night."

"You back in the good books then?" Callum smiled.

"Yeah," Stuart said, a little confused. "Why'd you say that?" 

"Well I ain't seen her in a while, assumed you two had a tiff," Callum said.

"She was here yesterday, Bruv."

Callum looked at him and stirred his tea, "Don't know if I'm coming or going, do I?" 

"You ok mate?" Stuart asked.

"Yeah, I'm getting sick of everyone asking me that," Callum snapped.

"Anyway, I'll see you later," Stuart said. He could see the physical fatigue of Callum, it was as though he was fading away. His grasp on reality was slipping.

"Have fun," Callum said as he sat down on the sofa. The front door shut.

Ben was walking to the cafe, he stopped. He turned to face the person who had grabbed his shoulder.

"You have to be joking?" He said.

* * *

The door knocked and Callum was hesitant, but answered. As he opened the door he saw a sight that caused his chest to tighten.

"Callum, mate I'm glad to see you're ok," said Keanu. He looked normal, the hallucinations were normalising.

"You ain't real," Callum said.

"I don't want to frighten you, I'm just here..." 

"You ain't real," Callum shut the door but Keanu placed his leg to stop him.

"What do you want?" Callum said.

"I'm here to see Cayden, I just wanted to apologise, I'm taking my son and then in going," Keanu said. 

"Get out," Callum said, his chest was tight.

"I don't want to upset you, I need you to call Ben off, no one got hurt, we all made mistakes," Keanu said.

"No one got hurt!" Callum stuttered "What's Ben got to do with this?" 

"Word is that someone is after me, sending people to track my location, I can't have that sort of thing affecting the lives of my children," Keanu said.

Callum forced the door shut. Keanu pulled his leg out seconds before it closed. Callum collapsed behind the door, his breathing was fast he couldn't steady it. 

"I'm sorry Callum, I just want to move on with my life."

He was gasping for air. He held his chest, trying to steady his breathing. His head pounded. 

* * *

Ben rolled his eyes at Stuart.

"What?" Stuart said, holding up the custom West Ham football shirt.

"I ain't wearing that," Ben looked at it.

"It's Callum's team, I thought it might be a fun thing to do for this birthday," Stuart said.

"Birthday? Whens that? He didn't say," Ben was reading the block text on the cheaply printed shirt. "Happy birthday Callum," it read with a grainy image of Callum.

"Ofcourse he ain't gonna say, not with everything that's going on," Stuart said. "Something to think about, eh?" Stuart said folding the shirt over. "Perhaps it needs a bit of tweaking?"

Ben continued into the cafe, he then proceeded to the arches.

A little while later as he sat at the arches, Ben heard a knock at the door, "Do one, Stuart," he shouted, a grin on his face.

Keanu walked into the arches, Ben turned and saw him.

"Coming back here was the wrong idea!" He said, pinning Keanu to the wall.

"I had no choice, your people have been coming after me!" Keanu said.

"People? What people?" Ben said.

"The heavies who have been tracking me down," Keanu said.

"Hm? Just get out before Callum sees you!" Ben said "You've done enough!" Before Keanu could respond, Ben punched him.

* * *

Stuart was at the restaurant with Rainie.

"Look at this Rain, not paid with stolen credit cards or drug money," Stuart said admiring the feast before them.

"We've come far, ain't we?" 

In that moment, Stuart's phone buzzed. His face scrunched up.

"What is it babe?" Rainie reached for his hand which was balled into a fist.

"Keanu, he's back on the square," Stuart said and stood up, "He's dead."

Rainie stopped him and held him "Let it be, babe calm down," she said, it didn't work. Stuart saw red.

"I can't, Callum could have died," Stuart said and stormed out. 

"Keep the change," Rainie called out, leaving money on the table. She stuffed a chip into her mouth before rushing after Stuart, he headed to the arches.

* * *

Ben was wiping blood off his knuckles when Stuart pushed through the door.

"Where is he?" Ben didn't respond. Keanu was on the floor, covered in blood. He was conscious but his face was bruised.

"What I'm going to do to you, will be a lot worse," Stuart said.

"Wait, I think I've made it worse, I saw Callum," Keanu spat blood out as Stuart pushed him against the wall. His nose was busted.

"You'd better start talking plainly?" Stuart said, he squeezed Keanu's throat.

"I went by there first, to ask him to call off the heavies, I..." Keanu was struggling to breath.

"You what?" Stuart dropped Keanu to the floor and turned to Ben.

"I wanted to apologise, he started panicking, shut the door," Keanu caught his breath.

"We need to get the flat now," Stuart said, Ben rushed behind him as they headed to the flat. 

* * *

Callum was sitting on the bed, tears rolled down his face. He knew he'd be alone for a while, they wouldn't be back for a while.

The distorted version of Keanu stood in the corner of the room, silent, watching.

"I can't fight you anymore," Callum said, the packet of pills were on the bed before him. There were significantly less than he remembered. The days had molded and he had lost comprehension of reality 

His hands were shaking as he held the pills in his hand.

His phone vibrated, he saw it was Stuart and ignored it. 


	11. I can't breath but I still fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum is rushed into hospital

When they entered the apartment, Stuart rushed over to Callum's room. He entered the room to find Callum unconscious on the bed. Suddenly survival kicked in and Stuart rushed over to his brother.

"Can you hear me?" Stuart felt for a pulse,

"Call an ambulance!" He yelled at Rainie. Callum was cold, his pupils dilated.

"What have you done?" Stuart said, Ben took his hand, he was shaking as he propped a pillow under Callum's head. He didn't know exactly what to do.

"It'll be ok, it'll be ok," Ben said, tears in his eyes. Callum was still, blood was to seeping from his nose.

"What do we do Stuart?" Ben yelled.

"Keep talking to him, see if he is responsive."

"Talking, ok," Ben sniffed, trying to stop the tears.

"You'll be ok, baby we're here," Ben whispered to Callum, he stroked his hair, Stuart placed Callum in the recovery position.

Rainie called the ambulance.

"Hello, yes I need an ambulance, its my partner's brother, he's unconscious, I think he's taken an overdose," she said.

"What? Urm I don't know, Stuart what's he taken?" She asked.

Stuart saw the packet on the bed, the metal slip where the tablets would have been, without trying to read the label, he said "It's sleeping pills."

"Sleeping pills, hurry he's not moving," she said.

"Ok, Stuart has he got a pulse?" Rainie asked. Stuart's hand was shaking as he felt across his brother's arm.

"Yes, he's got a pulse," he said. "It's weak."

"Yes he does have a pulse, his nose is bleeding you need to be quick, his name is Callum Highway," Rainie said.

"Come on bruv, if you can hear me, the ambulance is coming," Stuart said. 

He had stuffed the empty pill packet into his pocket.

"What's taking so long?" Ben said as he comforted Callum. His lips were pale and his breathing slow. 

"They'll be 5 minutes," Rainie said, she was still on the phone with the operator.

* * *

They heard the sirens and the paramedics were there seconds afterwards. 

Stuart pulled Ben backwards as they began to work on Callum. 

"Mr Highway, can you hear me?" The paramedic said as they placed an oxygen mask over his face.

"He's breathing but its faint, do you know exactly what he's taken?" The paramedic turned to them.

"Sleeping tablets, here, its these ones," Stuart passed her the box. 

Ben was disorientated, "What are they saying?'" 

Stuart placed his hand on Ben's shoulder.

"His oxygen levels are worryingly low," the paramedic said, "What's your reading?" She asked her colleague.

Whatever the answer was it must have been bad as they quickly loaded him onto a stretcher. 

"Right we are going to rush him in on blue lights," the paramedic said and soon he was being loaded into the ambulance.

* * *

Ben and Stuart rode in the ambulance with him. It was all extremely fast. They barely had time to construct a thought.

"Ok, Mr. Highway we're almost there," said the paramedic, as she pressed the airbag attached to the mask, she opened his eyes.

"Hang in there bruv," Stuart said. Ben reached for Callum's hand, leaning forward to touch it. It was unreachable. Obstructed.

"Why ain't he moving?" Ben said he was not processing thoughts at this point, merely speaking them as and when they formed.

"He'll be ok," Stuart said, he was unable to convince himself. Ben watched as they poked a needle into Callum's arm. It was adrenaline.

Then, a cough. They heard a hushed cough. , a splutter of life.

"Callum, Callum?" Stuart said, he saw a splash of blood on the mask.

"He's not responding, we need to get him there now," said the paramedic.

* * *

Upon arrival Stuart and Ben climbed out first. They were asked to wait in the relatives room.

"He coughed, that has to be good, right?" Stuart said as they were in the quiet room.

Ben looked at him.

"I've been here before mate, be it I was on the opposite end but, they'll pump his stomach and then he should be ok." Stuart was shaky and nervous.

Stuart was rambling on, Ben heard nothing. He could only hear the rushing water sound that flooded his ears. He directed his gaze away from Stuart. The walls were pastel and covered with various grief posters alongside some basic germ warnings.

"What if we were too late? What if I'd chosen to stay out?" Ben said.

"We can't think like that," Stuart said. 

"Fucking Keanu Taylor," Ben growled. "I can't lose someone else," Ben said he held his head in his hands.

"We need to be strong and supportive and when he gets out we'll need to be there for him," Stuart said "I won't let him out of my sight again when this is over," Stuart smiled.

They sat silently for a little while longer, a couple of hours passed. Then a couple more.

"What's taking so long?" Ben said, he saw worry on Stuart's face.

"What? What ain't you telling me?" Ben said.

"I saw blood on the breathing mask," Stuart said.

"I can't hear you," Ben said, he was irritated.

"Blood," Stuart said "On the mask," he signalled a mask with his hand.

"What does that mean?" Ben asked.

"I don't know but it's those tablets I ain't seen that brand before," Stuart said.

"Stuart mate, I can't hear you.'

"They can cause brain damage," Stuart said."I told him to stop taking them, took them off him, but they were different ones, prescription ones."

"I can't hear you!" Ben yelled and punched the table.

Stuart stopped talking, Ben looked at him.

"Did you know he was on these?" Ben asked.

"I saw him take them once, he must have been hiding them," Stuart said, "I'm stupid, I saw the signs and I ignored them!" Stuart grew angrier at himself. 

Ben was shocked, his eyes stung from the tears, he looked away from Stuart.

In the hours that they had been sitting there, Stuart had changed seats, he grew more fidgety as time progressed. He had stood, leaned and sat.

* * *

Eventually a nurse wandered into the room.

"Mr Highway?" She said.

"How is he?" Stuart asked, Ben stood up too

"Callum suffered a seizure shortly after being admitted. The high dosage of benzodiazepine in his system caused a slowing of the central nervous system this meant that his heart didn't pump enough oxygen around his body, his brain was starved of oxygen for a dangerous length of time," she said.

Ben couldn't make out any of what was being said. He only picked up fragments, he watched Stuart, his reactions and change of expression were a better guide.

"This triggered a bleed on his brain so we rushed him into emergency surgery to relieve the pressure on his skull, he is in the intensive care unit," she continued.

"Intensive care?" Stuart echoed

"Yes he is being monitored closely," she said.

"Can we see him?" Ben asked.

"I'm afraid you can't, he is under strict observation and needs to rest, I suggest you two do the same," she spoke softly.

"Is he going to be ok?" Stuart asked, his voice was shaky.

"At this present moment we are doing all we can, but his condition is critical. I'm sorry that I can't give you better news." They thanked her and Stuart left his phone number with them. 

* * *

As they left the building they saw two people having an argument. Ben and Callum tried to walk past but the intoxicated women were blocking the doors.

"Ladies excuse me," Stuart said, but they continued to argue over cigarettes.

"Move!" He yelled and they did.

* * *

Rainie came by to pick them up. Ben sat in the back of the car, he was overwhelmed and not too sure of all that was said.

"He'll be ok, baby," Rainie held Stuart's hand.

"What if he ain't, Rain I'm his big brother I'm meant to keep him safe."

Ben watched as they conversed, he grew more frustrated.

"It's my fault Rainie, I should have seen the signs," Stuart said as they sat in the car. She hugged him and kissed his forehead "This ain't your fault," she started the car.

* * *

They pulled up outside the flat a little while later and was met by an angry Karen Taylor.

"What have you do to my boy? Aye, you thug?" She lunged at Ben and he pushed her off.

"Don't walk away from me!" She yelled.

"Ring your neck in before I ring it out," Rainie said to Karen 

"His nose is busted, you monster," she cried.

"And my brother might fucking die, so I guess we are even then," Stuart said.

"It ain't worth it," Rainie said and they wandered in

"What?" Karen got quieter but they walked in before she got an answer.

* * *

Walking into the flat, they sat on the sofa, Ben couldn't face going into Callum's room. The room where hours earlier he had tried to take his own life.

There was a cold ambience in the flat, an unspoken anxiety laced the walls.

"Come to be bed, babe?" Rainie held Stuart.

"I can't," he said. 

"You ain't no good to him like this Stu," she said. Eventually she was able to convince him, he lay in bed beside her, the empty tablet slip was still in his pocket.

Ben sat on the sofa, alone. The tears had dried and now he felt an overwhelming sense of worry.

He had no one to talk to so decided to text Callum. He knew he wouldn't see the messages but he needed to release something, especially as he wasn't allowed to see him

He wrote, in a series of texts

> _I'm thinking of you_
> 
> _Why didn't you come to me?_
> 
> _Please fight I can't do this without you_
> 
> _I love you _

That was the final text, Ben fell asleep on the sofa, clutching his phone. It was as though he was desperate for a reply, holding on to the hope that it would vibrate and Callum would respond. 


	12. That's the thing with rock bottom....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter today guys, you knew it was coming but here is the inevitable coma/visiting moment between Callum and Ben.
> 
> I apologise for all the melancholic tones in the chapters at the moment, I promise that there will be glimmers of hope and recovery as the story progresses. 
> 
> I am really enjoying writing this piece and am overwhelmed and grateful that you are continuing to read and leave comments and kudos. 
> 
> Thank you and I hope you continue to enjoy as the story progresses

Stuart didn't wait for he hospital to call, the next morning, despite not having slept very much. He woke up and prepared some coffee in a metal flask. He had barely used that flask, it had been gifted to him one Christmas and since then had lived at the back of the cupboard.

Ben was half asleep, he awoke as the light was switched on.

"What's wrong?" Ben asked, turning to face Stuart. Stuart's head was buried in the cupboard as he was on his knees. He returned to a full stance, the flask in his hand.

"Going to go up to the hospital," he said.

"Have they called?" Ben asked.

"No," Stuart said, turning to face the kettle.

"Just thought I'd head up there see if I can see what's going on," he said, he knew that Ben wouldn't be able to hear him.

Ben stood up, looking for his shoes.

"I'm coming with you," he said.

With that they left the flat and headed to the hospital.

* * *

Upon arrival, it was desperately quiet and they wandered up to the front desk.

"Hello, I'm here to see Callum Highway, he was brought in last night," Stuart said. The receptionist took a moment and searched the name in the computer.

"Are you family?" She asked.

"I'm his brother, and this is his boyfriend," Stuart said.

"Right, it says here that he was admitted into intensive care last night," she said.

"Can we see him?" Stuart asked 

"Unfortunately sir, I can't say, you would have to go up to the ICU and ask at their nurses station."

* * *

Ben and Stuart rode in the lift to the correct floor and was once again faced with a receptionist. She asked them to wait while she found out from the head ward nurse.

"It's easier to get into prison, mate," Stuart whispered, "Harder to get out though," Ben looked at him. Neither of them had slept much and Stuart's humour was clearly a worred reactionary tactic

A few minutes passed and they were informed that they can visit Callum.

"He is still very unwell but we will attempt to take him off the ventilator in the next few days," she said.

* * *

They were taken to the to his room. Callum lay in the centre of the rather large bed, he was unconscious. A drip was attached to his wrist and there was a breathing tube fastened to his mouth.

Ben stood in the doorway, Stuart sat on the seat next to Callum.

"Look at this mess," Stuart said. The faint beeping of the monitor was calming, it never faded into the background, it was assuring a constant audio. "You've sure done a number on yourself, bruv," Stuart said to Callum.

Ben sat on the other seat and took Callum's hand, he kissed his forehead.

"He mentioned a group, a therapy group," Ben said.

"Yeah I saw that, I saw the poster," Stuart said.

"There are easier ways to get out of group therapy, " Ben muttered into Callum's hand.

* * *

There was silence for a little while. The only intermission of events coming from the nurse who would come in every 30 minutes or so to check his stats. She smiled at them and made a note in the file at the end of his bed.

"I think he should come live with me, while he heals," Ben said.

"You'll have to ask him," Stuart said.

"Hmm? No I wasn't asking," Ben said.

Stuart glanced at him, he placed his hand on Callum's arm. "We'll get you through this, bruv," he said.

The nurse re entered the room.

"Would you guys like some tea?" The nurse asked as she entered for the third or fourth time.

"Yes, thank you," Stuart said. Ben didn't know what she said but agreed anyway. His gaze was fixated on Callum.

* * *

"I'm going to take a breather," Stuart said, and wandered out into the corridor.

Ben didn't respond, he stared at Callum. He looked weak overpowered by tubes, a bandage was taped to the side of his head.

"If you can hear me, I'm sorry," Ben whispered, stroking Callum's hair.

"I love you," he whispered. 

He lay his head on the bed beside Callum, and kissed his boyfriend's hand. 

"You're stronger than you think," Ben said.

Callum's breathing got a little faster, his pulse spiked a little on the monitor. The beeping was louder for a few seconds.

"I knew you were listening," Ben smiled, tears in his eyes.


	13. There is only one way to go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum begins to heal but his mental journey is just beginning.

After a few days of visits, and regular observations. The doctors were confident to take Callum off the ventilator. Ben and Stuart arrived at the hospital, as did Jay. They waited outside whilst the nurses removed the ventilator to see if Callum could breathe on his own.

"Heads up, Keanu tatlor is still on the square," Jay said. 

"Yeah well he had better be gone by the time callum gets out, " Stuart said. 

Ben didn't hear them, he was fixated on the events that there occurring through the glass.

As ben watched through the glass, Stuart sat on the chair.

"He'll be alright, " Jay placed his hand on Ben's back.

Ben watched as they gathered around Callum and checked his stats. The tube was out and they waited to see if he was able to breathe.

A nurse came out moments later to address them.

"He is off the breathing ventilator and is semi-conscious, we will continue to monitor him but he is over the worst," she said. Ben watched Stuart for a response, he looked relieved.

"He's ok, mate, " Jay turned to Ben.  
  


* * *

They wandered into his room, this time with a sprite of hope as they could see he was moving. He seemed vacant, a smile on his face as they sat down. The obstructive tube was gone, he had a drip in his arm.

"How you doing bruv?" Stuart asked.

"I feel good," Callum smiled.

Callum reached out his hand for Ben and Ben took it. Callum's movements were slow as he reacted to the medication.

"Good to see you awake, mate, " Jay said.

"Thanks."

"Right I'm going to grab some terrible hospital coffee," Jay said, Stuart said he'd help carry it.

* * *

Ben was alone with Callum.

"Why's you do it?" Ben whispered.

Callum looked over at him, then to the ceiling.

"I saw Keanu, it wasn't a hallucination, I guess I pannicked," Callum's throat was dry. Ben couldn't hear him.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, " Callum said, he was crying.

Ben stroked his hand.

"We'll get through this," Ben said. Callum didn't respond, he smiled.

Stuart and Jay returned minutes later with the coffee.

Callum took Stuart's hand. "I'm so sorry, Bruv," he said, tears in his eyes.

"It's OK, I just wish you'd come to me," Stuart said and leaned in to hug Callum. "It'll be OK bruv, it will," Stuart said.

Jay took off a little while later. Callum was struggling to stay awake, he was drowsy.

"Sleeps for four days and still tired, " Stuart joked as he sipped the coffee.

"How will we get him through this?" Ben asked.

"With sheer determination, there will be tears and times where he can't take it and we have to be there and hold his hand, " Stuart said.

* * *

Within a few days, Callum had been discharged. Stuart was driving him home, against Ben's judgement, he had decided to throw a small welcome home party at the Mitchell house.

Keanu had left the square, taking with him Cayden. It was for the best, besides it was incomprehensible how many people wanted him dead on the square. He had been unable to figure out who had sent the heavies after him.

* * *

Stuart arrived at the outpatient clinic where Callum was waiting. He hugged Stuart, thanking him for collecting him.

As they climbed into the car, Stuart turned to Callum. 

"We decided that perhaps it would be better for you to stay at the Mitchell's for a bit, just while you recover, I've moved the things I think you'd need, some clothes and that to the house," Stuart said, he had not been able to find the right time prior to now to inform his brother.

"What about Phil?" Callum asked.

"He's done one, assumedly back to Portugal," Stuart said

"Alright," Callum said. 

"I'm still here bruv, nothing has changed there, we just thought it might be better," Stuart said.

"It ain't going to stop me calling you and checking on you."

"Its fine Stuart, who'd have seen this one coming, Stuart Highway and Ben Mitchell having discussions at length about my wellbeing," Callum chuckled.

"Well at length would be a bit of an overstatement," Stuart said.

"Its good, it's better than beating the shit out of him," Callum smiled.

Stuart didn't respond instead he started the car. The engine hissed and rumbled as they began to move.

"I just want to rest to be honest," Callum said.

"Yeah I know that feeling," Stuart said, progressively he began to doubt his idea to organise the party.

* * *

As they arrived outside the Mitchell's house, Ben was waiting.

He kissed Callum and held him, "I'm so glad you're home," he said.

"Me too," Callum said. 

"You alright," Callum touched Ben's face.

"This was not my idea, ok," Ben said and held Callum's hand.

They walked into the house and found Lexi, Lola, Jay, Mick and even Whitney were sitting in the living room.

"Welcome home!" They yelled and Callum hesitated a smile, he turned to Ben who clutched his hand a little tighter. He felt awkward and embarrassed to see all of these people here. 

He was fatigued and woozy, he greeted people and picked at the nibbles. Callum's head was pounding, a constant and increased agony that increased.

"Its good to see that you're ok," Lola said and hugged him.

"Halfway, listen I'm sorry, I didn't know you were struggling so much," Mick said. "My door is always open, son."

Different people offered similar sentiments.

* * *

"I'm just nipping to the loo," Callum said and wandered into the bathroom. He was in there for quite some time. His head pounded, he grasped his skull. A mute ringing continued to build, he felt faint and sat on the bath.

"I can't do this, you follow me everywhere," Callum whispered, the decomposed Keanu smiled at him, he was standing by the sink.

"Guilt is very dangerous Callum," Keanu said.

Callum looked down at his hands, "You did this, not me. You're just a child pretending to be a criminal, you get everything you deserve. I suffered enough for your mistakes."

Callum looked up and Keanu was gone. Ben knocked and peered around the bathroom.

* * *

"You alright?" He walked in to find Callum sitting on the edge of the bath.

"No, I ain't," Callum smiled. Ben placed his hand on his face.

"Its overwhelming isn't it?" Ben said.

"And scary and unnecessary, they all look at me different, like I'm crazy or like I'm a puppy with a broken paw. No one knows what to say to me and it's so uncomfortable. I can only apologise so much," Callum said. 

"Apologise? You have nothing to apologise for."

Ben watched Callum, he was twitchy, his gaze often diverted from Ben's eyes and looking to the door.

"I can ask them to leave?" Ben said.

"Naah, that would be rude," Callum said "I just wish I could stop feeling like this, wish I could go back and undo all this, I can't face the pity," Callum placed his head in his hands, his face reddened.

"It'll be alright," Ben said.

"Why do people keep saying that?" Callum said and looked at Ben.

Ben kissed Callum. It was more impactful than any words.

"What's say we make our apologies and head upstairs?" Ben said.

"Fuck the apologies let's just go," Callum took Ben's hand.

* * *

Ben smiled and they wandered into the bedroom. 

They lay on the bed, exasperated and breathless. Callum's head was in Ben's lap, Ben stroked his hair.

"I love you," Ben said.

"Can it be, another expression of emotion from Ben Mitchell?" Callum said looking up to Ben.

"I can't hear you but I can see your sarcasm," they both laughed.

"I will say it though, over and over, eventually you'll tire of hearing it but I'll still say it."

"I love you," Callum said, he was soothed by Ben's presence. His head no longer pounded, he closed his eyes


	14. Take a step, step again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum attends his first group therapy at the community centre

It was the morning of Callum's first group therapy session at the community centre. 

Since he had been discharged from the hospital they had given him a number of leaflets and contacts for one to one sessions but the group therapy was something that he had decided to begin with.

* * *

Ben walked with him to the community centre and they sat outside, they were early and had two rather strong coffee's to fight the bitter chill of morning.

"Thank you, for being here," Callum said, holding Ben's arm. Ben smiled at him.

They waited until other members began to show up, starting with a young girl with strawberry blonde hair.

"Good morning," Callum said, the girl continued to walk, not turning her head.

"Ok," Callum said, Ben put his hand on Callums arm.

Ben looked down at his watch.

"It'll be starting soon, babe," they stood up and wandered into the community centre, the group took place in a side room within the centre.

"I'll wait here," Ben kissed Callum and took a seat by the reception desk.

* * *

Ben looked down at his phone, it had been vibrating most of the morning.

> '_Tick Tock Mr Mitchell, my offer will expire very soon,' _

the text read. In the events of the past few weeks, Ben hadn't had the time to inform Callum of his intentions. 

> '_I need to run it by someone, I'll have an answer tomorrow,'_
> 
> Ben responded 

* * *

As he entered the pastel coloured room, Callum found a seat and sat down immediately. It was rare that he ever took the first step of social interaction.The room was a wash with voices, clearly everyone had been coming here regularly. He saw the young girl from outside, she too had taken a seat. She stared at her phone.

* * *

The walls were plastered with posters and A5 flyers most of which her hand drawn, a whiteboard was stuck to the wall with what remained of previous dry lettering.

The chair of the group introduced herself, she shook Callum's hand.

"Hello, I'm very glad you could make it, I'm Lillian," she said, she had short curly black hair and was a rather plump lady, a crucifix hung around her neck.

"Hi I'm Callum," he said.

"Why are you here today Callum?" She asked, the smile remained on her face.

"To try it out, I've been struggling and well this is something I have been recommended," he said.

"Very brave, welcome," she said and let go of his hand.

He watched her, eventually the chatter dissipated and the chaotic room was called to silence by Lillian. 

"Good morning, if I may, we should begin today's session. I implore that as we go around the room we each introduce ourselves and say one interesting fact about ourselves, I shall begin," she spoke calmly yet managed to hold the attention of the room.

"My name is Lillian and one interesting fact, I adore painting and photography, just the other week my husband and I attended a rather lovely session in this very centre," she said and smiled. 

* * *

Each member of the circle introduced themselves, most of them were unable to distinguish a fact and glossed over that part with sarcasm or humour.

A balding tattooed gentleman was next to Callum, he had two prosthetic legs and was wearing a short sleeved shirt and black shorts.

"I'm Mike and I am training to run the London marathon," he said.

"That's wonderful, now I see that we have a new member here today, what is your name?" 

"I'm Callum, yeah I don't really have an interesting fact, so hi," he said.

"Welcome, and of course we will not expect you to contribute on your first session, you are more than welcome to listen and absorb, talk when you are ready," she said.

"Yeah I didn't speak until my third week," Mike turned to Callum.

Callum saw that girl from outside, she stared at him as he spoke. She was very careful to pay attention to each person.

* * *

"Right, so how has everyone's week been?" Lillian asked.

As Callum looked around the room he noticed that many of the group had scars, others were wearing long sleeved tops or jumpers.

One man named Rod had a rather upsetting line of cigarette burns up his arm. Many of the people here were talking about war or the army while others were discussing traumatic relationships or domestic abuse. 

"How about you, Frankie, how has your week been?" This was the name of the strawberry blonde haired girl.

Lillian was sitting beside Frankie and was very careful to pronunciate the words clearly.

"Well my week has been strange, my Father has been trying to contact me and this was quite traumatic, he is ignoring the restraining order and the police were called," she said.

"That's awful, was your Mother present when this took place?" Lillian asked.

"She was, but she was also there when he beat me so hard that I lost the ability to hear, so I expected little from her," she said.

Callum suddenly realised that she was deaf, hence her not responding to him upon entry.

"I'm worried constantly but am lucky because my best friend is very supportive and I've been living at hers," Frankie said.

"That's wonderful and as ever, we are all here to support you," Lillian said. 

* * *

The session wrapped up shortly after that, Callum was emotionally exhausted. He had not found the confidence to share in this session.

"Hey," Frankie wandered over to him as they began to stack the chairs against the wall.

"Hi," Callum said.

"I'm sorry I think I might have walked past you earlier?" She said.

"Yeah no it's fine, my boyfriend is deaf so I understand how difficult it is," Callum said.

"Right, well good to meet you, and hope to see you next time," Frankie said, pulling on her beanie hat and scarf.

* * *

"How did you find that?" Lillian asked.

"Everyone seems nice," Callum said.

"Might we see you next time?" Lillian asked.

"I think so," Callum said.

"Wonderful," Lillian said, she was wearing a thick woolly jumper, the sleeves were baggy and fell down as she brushed her hair off her shoulders, he saw large blotchy red markings on her skin. Trying not to stare, she caught his eye.

"Those, my ex partner liked to play with acid with I as his Guinea pig, it took four skin grafts to return it to some sort of normality. We all have our scars, be them mental or physical. I try not to hide mine anymore, they remind me of how strong I can be," she said and bid Callum a farewell.

* * *

Ben was waiting outside, he stood up as Callum left the room.

"How was it?" Ben asked.

Callum kissed him. "It was alright, scary."

"Do you think you'll go again?" Ben asked.

"I think so," Callum said.


	15. It's the loneliness, that frightens me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum finds himself alone in the house whilst Ben heads out, meanwhile Stuart tries to organise his birthday surprise party

  
Ben and Callum lay in bed together that morning.

"Are you going to attend another sign language session? " Callum asked.

"I don't know baby, " Ben said.

"Will you attend another group therapy?" Ben asked.

"Probably," Callum said.

"By the way, there's something I've been meaning to tell ya," Ben said

"Alright," Callum said, laying his head on the pillow.

"I had a man come to the arches the other day, he made me an excellent offer to buy it, knock it down or turn it into something else, I didn't care but with the money well I thought it could go to a place of our own, " Ben said.

Callum looked at him. "I like our little flat though," Callum said.

"I just thought perhaps we could start anew, a place where we can do whatever and not worry about Stuart or Rainie walking in," Ben said, Callum sat up. 

"Is this because of what I did?" Callum turned to face Ben.

"No," Ben said, taking Callum's hand.

"I want us to have our own place, a house, it doesn't even have to be on the square, " Ben said.

"Are we at that place yet? I mean you're having an operation in a month, and I think moving would be unnecessary stress, besides this place is peaceful most of the time," Callum said, he didn't know why he was so against the idea, the commitment . It frightened him. 

"Operation? Yeah that'll be a simple procedure, as for us I think we are at that place yeah, " Ben said." Don't you?"

Callum squeezed Ben's hand a little tighter.

"If you need to do this then do, but don't do it just to get at your dad, " Callum said.

Ben pulled his hand away, he only was able to make most of the words out. 

"My dad has nothing to do with this, he couldn't even check that I was ok, this is for us," Ben said.

"I know, he don't deserve you, but I ain't ready to take that step," Callum said.

"We practically live together already, what's so horrible about having four walls that are totally ours? "

"They'd be yours, bought for with money from the arches, face it babe, I ain't gonna be ready to start working again for a good while, I mean the odd shift at the funeral parlour, but..."

"I understand," Ben interrupted Callum, he talking far too fast for him to read anyway.

"Besides what if I have another attack, you'd be left all alone in a house."

"You will get well, " Ben said, he kissed Callum's hand. 

* * *

They climbed out of bed and headed to the kitchen.

Lola was sitting at the dining table, she had been crying.

"Morning," she said wiping her eyes, she had badly wiped off makeup and looked pale. She probably hadn't slept, Callum heard her and Jay arguing the previous night. 

"You alright?" Callum asked her.

"Yeah, I'd better get to work," Lola drained her coffee and left.

* * *

After breakfast Ben headed out, he kissed Callum and told him he wouldn't be long. Once again Callum found himself alone. 

Stuart had texted him to check he was ok and he had received a reminder of his police assessment in the coming days, both of which he had ignored.

He wandered to the living room and turned on the TV. His birthday was the same day as the assessment. He hoped that people had forgotten but Stuart never had, even from prison he had managed to send him a card. 

"Mate, I think karaoke would be fun, " Stuart said as he listed off items from his folded lined sheet of paper.

"Right? As well as the dance floor or instead?"

"Instead, he ain't a danger, is he? " Stuart crossed it out from his list.

Mick looked at him, concerned.

"Won't this all be a bit too much? " he asked.

"Rainie said the same but I don't know what else to do, I want to lift him from his, this is the best way I can," Stuart said.

"At the welcome home thing, he seemed... "

"That was different, too much after all that but this is his birthday, I always make a fuss," Stuart said.

"Alright, I'll throw something together," Mick said.

"What's he doing here? Not enough stiffs to keep you busy? " Shirley said sarcastically, she had never forgiven Stuart for what he did to Mick.

"Arranging a birthday do for halfway, " Mick said.

"How's he doing? " Shirley asked pouring herself a drink.

"He's ok," Stuart said.  
  


* * *

When Ben returned later that day, he found Callum on the sofa playing video games.

"You ok?" Ben said and Callum smiled and paused the game.

"How did it go with that guy? About the arches?" Callum faced Ben.

"I haven't given him an answer yet," Ben said and sat beside Callum, Callum wrapped his arm around Ben.

* * *

After a few hours of nestling on the sofa, the front door slammed and Lexi ran in to them.

"Daddy!" She said and hugged Ben, she jumped on Callum's lap.

"Someone's ribs are better!" Lola said and wandered in behind.

"Is Jay not coming?" Callum asked.

"He's not, he has to work late," Lola shrugged and squashed next to them on the sofa.

"Oh," Callum said.

* * *

The film was decided and they tried to enjoy this time despite the awkwardness, Lola was clearly upset but hiding it. As she stood in the kitchen, Callum wandered in.

"You alright, Lo?" He said, she was standing by the kettle.

"Yeah," she said, tears in her eyes.

"I heard you arguing the other night," Callum said as he opened the fridge to retrieve the milk. Closing the fridge, he saw her, her hands covering her face.

She was crying.

"Hey, it's ok," Callum placed the milk down and hugged her.

"Everything is falling apart Callum, everything," she said.

He held her for a little while longer and allowed her to compose herself while he took the coffee in.

"It'll get better, Lo, it will," he said.

"Thanks," she said. 

"Hey, I'm a gay man, apparently we are supposed to sensitive," he joked.

* * *

That night Ben lay beside Callum. Callum wasn't sleeping, he stared at the ceiling.

"What you thinking about?" Ben asked him.

Callum turned to face Ben "Nothing I just can't sleep," he said.

"So when's your police assessment then?" Ben asked him.

"You found the letter?" Callum said.

"Why didn't you tell me babe?"

"I don't even know if I want to be in the police anymore," Callum said.

Ben held him, he realised Callum didn't want to discuss this further.

* * *

Ben's phone buzzed.

> _Thank you, the money will be in your account in the next day or_ two

Ben glanced over at Callum and locked the phone.

* * *

Stuart had neglected to inform Ben of his intentions to throw Callum a birthday party. Instead he kept it a secret from everyone, it would take place at the Vic in two days.

* * *

Ben watched Callum as he slept, he was peaceful. Little did Ben realise that Callum was planning to attend the assessment.

Secrets never amounted to anything good, he began to wonder as he watched the man he loved deep in slumber.

* * *

It was a few hours until they had to get up, so Ben took this time to wrap Callum's presents, a small black box which contained a very important question. He tied a bow around it. He had also purchased him some new shirts, that hopefully would be a welcome change to his same old white shirt black tie get up.

* * *

As he climbed back into bed, Ben watched the alarm clock, he couldn't hear it but he watched as the time ticked on.

The small black box was safely concealed in the bedside drawer.


	16. Today I'm thinking about, the things that are deadly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its the morning of Callum's police assessment, also it's his birthday. Tensions build as he struggles to keep a hold on reality.

It was the morning of the assessment. Callum had given in the night before and informed Ben about it.

* * *

Unable to sleep, Callum stared at the ceiling. He noticed a flickering light behind the window, a silhouette illuminated.

"Ain't real," he thought and turned his head. Then came the tapping, a quiet knock against the window.

The knocking got louder, Callum buried his head in the pillow. 

"You can't ignore me forever," That voice whispered to him, it was Keanu. Callum opened his eyes and saw him, crouched beside the bed. His decomposing skin illuminated by the limited moonlight that lit up the sky.

"Leave me alone," Callum whispered.

"You wanted this, you wanted me to hurt so enjoy it, Mr Highway, perhaps they'll make a Mitchell of you yet," he spat in Callum's face. Callum jumped back, the icy cold drawl disappeared.

"Hey, hey, it's ok," Ben placed his hand on Callum's back, turning on the bedside lamp.

"Sorry," Callum said, taking Ben's hand.

Ben looked at the clock, "Happy Birthday by the way," he said and kissed Callum.

"Are you sure you don't want me at the assessment today?" Ben asked, they were both wide awake now.

"I love you but I don't think it would be a great idea," Callum said.

"Yeah you could always say you caught me, hey we have time to set up a scenario, role play?" Ben said with a cheeky smile.

"Naah," Callum said. Ben had convinced him to attend the second chance assessment. Against his better judgement, Callum got ready to go. 

* * *

Ben sat on the sofa after Callum left, he recieved a text.

"_Bring Cal to the Vic tonight don't tell him why," it _was from Stuart.

"Shit," Ben said and headed out to find Stuart, just so he had an idea of what to expect.

* * *

Ben intended to prepare a romantic meal for the two of them this evening, he would then propose to the man he loved. It should have occurred to him that big brother Stuart would throw a stick in the works, guess it made a change from beating the shit out of him.

* * *

Callum walked in to the assessment centre and sat beside the other candidates, he waited. They each carried a folder of references and were dressed in various shaded suits. 

Slowly but surely each and every candidate was called in, Callum was the final one.

* * *

Eventually his name was called and he sat in a refurbished interrogation room opposite two men in suits.

"Don't be intimidated Mr Highway, we have suffered quite significant budget cuts so we had to adapt," said the chubbier one of the officers.

"If you are a good enough candidate then the room in which we interview you should not matter anyway," said his assistant.

"What's this good cop, bad cop?" Callum laughed.

"No this is, good cop, hungry cop, you are our last candidate before lunch," said the interviewer.

The interview commenced, it was going rather well. Callum felt nervous but was still able to answer the questions effectively.

"What makes you want to join the police?" asked the officer.

"I was in the army and when I was discharged I began to work in a funeral parlour but I feel like I'm supposed to help people, the living and as a member of the police I'd be doing that," he said.

"Excellent, it isn't just about helping people you do see some disturbing things, not to put you off or anything, but it mentions here that you were discharged from the army after suffering an injury," he read.

"Shrapnel injury, yeah," Callum said.

"If we approve you today then there will be an in depth psychological and physical assessment before we allow you to become a part of the police, it's pretty procedural," said the officer.

"That's fine," Callum said.

"Have you ever broken the law, Mr Highway?" Asked the officer.

"Think carefully now," A rotted hand placed itself on the officer's shoulder, he didn't respond to the touch of the ghostly hand.

Keanu Taylor leant forward, his skin dripped onto the paperwork.

"No need to look so frightened, Mr Highway, these are standard questions," said the officer.

"No I've never broken the law," Callum said, he was trying desperately hard to ignore the wheezing breath of Keanu. The grouchy voice.

"Good, but now tell us the truth?" The officer smiled at Callum.

"What, that is the truth?"

"We know what you did to him, he told us," they said in unison, Keanu began to laugh, his jaw swung from side to side.

"I don't know, what you are talking about, he kidnapped me!" Callum began to sweat, his hand jittered as he reached for the glass of water.

"We know what you did, sir, admit it," said the officer

"What did you expect would happen when you dated a criminal? We were hardly going to let you change sides, you dirty puff!, you're Dad was criminal, you're brother was one."

"What?" Callum said the room was fuzzy, a damp smell began to pour from the walls, a chill was coming from somewhere.

"I mean there's bent coppers and then there's bent coppers," the presiding officer joked.

Callum looked at the officers. They were no longer the interviewers, It was his Dad and Stuart. 

"He's a fairy, and he's shagging a criminal, push over," they continued to bounce insults off one another.

"If we couldn't make a man out of him, then I guess he could," Jonno said, sarcastically holding his hand up in a feminine gesture.

"He never did fit in here, did he?" Laughed his Dad.

"He never fit anywhere?" said Stuart."It ain't real, it ain't real," Callum said as he stood up and edged backwards. His chest tightened. He had never suffered a hallucination like this before, usually they were over in the time that it took to wake from a dream.

* * *

"What's not real, Mr. Highway?" Callum found himself on the floor, the two officers were standing before him, one had a glass of water in his hand.

"Are you ok?" Asked the one.

"I'm fine, yeah, I've got to go," Callum scrambled to his feet and clumsily left the interrogation room. His face was flushed and he felt nauseous. He rushed, his head down, out of the building. 

He knew they were staring. He didn't know if they were following.

* * *

As he looked exited the building, he grasped his head in his hands. He painted, trying to catch his breath, his heart felt as though it might burst through his chest. Trying to steady his breathing, he sat on the step by the station.

* * *

His phone buzzed, making him jump. His vision was blurry as he retrieved the phone from his pocket. His hands shook his head pounded, loosening his tie, he tried to breath. His short sharp breaths were slowing.

He was frightened, it had never occurred to him that his infrequent hallucinations could spike to such terrifying heights. He thought they would decrease, become less frightening.

This time he was scared, had anxiety and lack of sleep been a contributing factor to this. He just wanted to sleep, to crawl in bed beside Ben, to see something that he knew was for real.

He looked at his phone

> _Don't go home, meet me at the Vic ❤ _
> 
> The text was from Ben.

Callum responded with "Ok"

* * *

Ben tucked the ring box into his jean pocket. He walked into the pub and faced the crowd of party goers.

"He's on his way!"

* * *


	17. Something snaps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum begins to lose control at the surprise party.

Callum waited outside the Vic, he tried to compose himself. He waited as long as he was able.

* * *

Walking into the Vic, it was silent then all of a sudden.

"SURPRISE!" yelled everyone leaping from an assortment of hiding places. Ben walked up to Callum and passed him the wrapped up folded shirts.

"Happy birthday babe," he said, kissing Callum on the cheek.

"Thank you," Callum said, Ben noticed that Callum was jittery, his mind elsewhere.

"You ok? How did it go?" Ben asked as Callum walked over to the bar, a pint was ready for him.

"Happy birthday mate," Stuart said and patted Callum on the back, draining the pint, Callum turned and hugged his brother who was wearing a most unusual custom West ham shirt.

"Halfway, happy birthday," Mick said, the Vic was decorated in balloons and banners a karaoke machine was set up.

* * *

Callum finished the pint, suddenly he felt arms wrapped around his waist, he jumped.

"Happy birthday Callum, I made this for you," Lexi said, wearing a pink princess dress.

"Thank you that's brilliant darling," Callum looked at the card as Mick poured another pint. Callum's head was still pounding, the bright fairy lights and low thump of the music did not help.

As he looked around, Callum felt crowded, various people approached him to wish him happy birthday. He turned to Ben who could see the slow decline of calm on his face.

"Ere's a little something from me and the old woman," Mick said and passed Callum a gift bag. 

"Thank you," Callum was running out of bar to place the gifts.

"Pass them here babe," Ben decluttered him, placing the gifts to one side.

"Thank you," Callum mouthed to him.

"We have karaoke too, you know if you're feeling it," Stuart said, Rainie was beside him.

"That's great, urm yeah I'm just going to nip the loo," Callum said.

* * *

"Is he ok?" Stuart turned to Rainie.

"He's probably a little flustered," Mick said.

"Yeah everyone's a little awkward when they first arrive at a party," Rainie said. Ben grew concerned.

* * *

As he stood in the toilet, Callum looked into the mirror.

"Just keep it together," he said and exhaled, he closed his eyes and practiced some breathing methods. Nothing worked, he felt light headed, the speed at which he had downed that pint started to impact him. When had he last eaten? 

He opened his eyes and the looked into the mirror. Breathing out in relief he turned and saw Keanu.

He was silent, he just stood there, barely human, barely even there, a vibrating vision if guilt.

"You ain't real!" Callum yelled and rushed out of the toilet.

* * *

As he returned to the bar, he saw Stuart on stage, alongside Jay he was trying to make the microphone work.

Callum walked to the bar, he could see Keanu in the corner of his eye. A shadow that rested on the edge of his pupil.

"Callum, I didn't get a chance before, happy birthday," Sonia said passing him a card.

"Thank you," Callum said as he turned and saw Whitney, she hugged him and wished him happy birthday.

"Whit? I didn't expect to see you," he said and hugged her.

"Of course," she said.

* * *

Ben stood by the bar, Callum could not find a middle ground, a safe space in these hoards of people.

"Oh yes, Callum, the golden boy," he heard Keanu.

Walking over to Ben, Callum tried desperately to ignore the voice.

"You can't run away from what's inside your head, mate," Keanu said.

Callum stood by Ben and he held his arm.

"You ok?" Ben still hadn't recieved an answer, the ring box burned a hole in his pocket, he needed to wait.

"I'm ok, stressful day," Callum said.

"HE CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Keanu yelled, Callum jumped.

"Woah, babe," Ben said as Callum jolted to nothing, almost falling into Ben's lap.

"Careful now, they'll know, know what you did," Keanu was standing beside Callum.

"I'm sorry alright, I'm sorry. But no one got hurt, clearly they didn't kill you," Callum said, he didn't turn his head away from the pint.

"Not good enough, he's going to get tired of this you know," Keanu said.

Callum smashed his pint glass against the bar and held it up to Keanu's throat. 

"There he is, daddy's protege," Keanu pushed his throat closer to the bottle.

Blood seeped from Callum's hand as he walked further towards the vision. He couldn't feel the glass shards in his hand.

"Mummy what's wrong with Callum?" Lexi said as she hugged Lola's waist.

"He's just a little unwell, sweetheart," Lola looked over to Ben who was trying to steady Callum, Callum pulled away from him.

"Leave me alone, I'm sick of you!" Callum yelled at Keanu, tears ran down his face, his hand shook. He never broke sight of the monstrous vision as it smirked at him.

Keanu began to clap his hands. "Well done, mate. They all know your crazy now," Keanu began to laugh, Callum pushed the glass into him, it pierced flesh, he felt it. He could feel something real on the other end of the glass.

He could feel something firm that the glass pierced

"Ah," that wasn't Keanu.

* * *

Keanu faded and Stuart was standing in his place, he held his hand up to Callum, the glass had mildly grazed it.

"Drop the glass Callum," Stuart said, blood trickled from the minor cut, he looked serious.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," immediately back in reality, Callum looked around at the concerned faces.

Ben placed his hand on Callum's shoulder.

"He's a nutter!" Dotty laughed.

Callum dropped the glass, shards remained in his hand. Mick stared at him, "It's ok mate, you're ok."

"No, I've ruined it, I'm sorry, I..." Stuart wrapped his arm around Callum.

Sonia took his hand and looked at the wound, "This'll need some stitches bring him to mine," she said. They were talking over him, like he wasn't there. Was he there?

He looked over at Lexi still nestled in her mother's grasp, Lola stroked her hair. Jay was still standing on the stage. Lexi trembled, tears rolled down her reddened cheeks.

He looked at Ben. This was the hardest thing for him to see, fear, Ben looked concerned and horrified all in one.

Whitney watched him, he didn't hold his gaze on anyone for too long.

"Come on, babe," Ben said holding his arm. Callum remained frozen in that moment.

"Sorry, I'm so sorry, " he said. Stuart walked holding his other arm.

* * *

Sonia walked on ahead to grab her first aid kit, Stuart and Ben walked with Callum.

Ben sat with him, holding his hand.  
Ben stroked Callum's hand. 

"I'm sorry," Callum said, he looked over at Ben. 

"Lola's taking Lexi to stay at my mom's tonight," Ben said, he couldn't look at Callum.

"Ben I'm sorry, I just, I didn't sleep, and I haven't eaten," Callum leaned over to place his hand on Ben's face, Ben pulled his face away.

"It'll be ok," Ben said, as though he was a record playing.

* * *

Sonia walked in, Stuart stood in the doorway. As Sonia began to clean the wound, she was careful to extract the fragments of glass from his hand.

Ben headed upstairs, he sat on the bed and pulled the ring box out of his pocket, tucking it away in the bedside drawer. Tears were in his eyes, Callum's blood on his hand.

He took his time as he walked downstairs, Stuart was waiting in the hall outside the front room.

"She's taken him in there," Stuart said.

"You shouldn't have thrown him that party," Ben muttered, quietly.

"You shouldn't have tried to have Keanu killed in the first place," Stuart responded.

Ben was silent, they both stood, Stuart was leaning against the door frame

"We need to be strong for him right now," Stuart said.

Ben watched Stuart, he was difficult to read, but he made out some of the words.

"No, mate he needs professional help, this is far beyond us," Ben said.

"You can't give up on him," Stuart said.

"Give up? I'm not but what if he'd hurt himself or someone else tonight? he is clearly not in his right mind," Ben said, the door opened and Sonia walked out.

"Want me to look at that hand, Stuart?" She asked.

"Cheers Son, but it's just a scratch, how is he?"

"I've patched him up, and I've given him a mild sedative, he's asleep on he sofa," she said.

Ben's phone buzzed again, it was Lola.

"If you need to be with them, I'll stay here," Stuart said.

"I'm gonna go, clear my head, can you stay here?" Ben asked and Stuart nodded.

Stuart sat down, his head rested on his hand.

"It was me, you know," Callum said, "I found a number in Ben's contact list, a man who could hunt down Keanu Taylor, I was sick of being rescued so I took action." Callum mumbled.

"What?" Stuart said.

"He weren't meant to come back though, I wasn't planning to hurt him, just wanted to know where he was..." 


	18. Healing...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of events at the Vic has everyone feeling a little tense  
Just a short update today guys

Callum slept for most of the next day, when he awoke Stuart was still sitting opposite him.

He felt a short sharp pain and looked at his hand, it was bandaged, blood appeared to have seeped through the palm.

"Hoped I'd dreamt it," Callum said.

"You didn't," Stuart said.

"I'm sorry mate," Callum said.

"You're phone rang a couple of times," Stuart passed the phone to Callum. As his vision cleared he looked through the missed calls.

* * *

The top of his missed calls was from the assessment centre, there were a couple of texts from Ben and a few from others. 

The assessment centre had left a voicemail, Callum played it 

> Mr Highway, we just wanted to call to check that you are ok. Yesterday you seemed a little on edge and well we wanted to check if there was anything more we could do. On a official basis your application has been denied but that doesn't mean that you won't be a promising candidate in the future, thank you

Callum deleted the message, he hadn't expected them to call at all, so he appreciated them making the effort.

* * *

_"I'm sorry I left you had to check on Lexi, I'll be by tomorrow,"_ Ben's text read. 

Callum sat back

"I'm sorry," he texted Ben. Ben saw the message but didn't respond.

"Bruv you need to get some help, Sonia gave me a number for a mental health assessment, you need to call to book it." Stuart said, Callum placed the phone down and looked at his brother.

"Last night was just because I was tired and I had a bad day already and..." 

"That's not what that was mate," Stuart said.

"Just give these a call they offer one to one therapy," Stuart said. 

Callum looked at the flyer, "Ok," he said. There was no use in arguing, he knew that he it would better for him to reach out for help without intervention.

* * *

Ben sat on the sofa in his mom's house, she brought him a cup of tea.

"Darling you'll need to see him at some point," she said, he looked at her. He was typing on his phone, but couldn't find the words.

<strike> _It's ok, I love you_ </strike>

_ <strike>I shouldnt have left like that, Lexi needed me</strike> _

_ <strike>You probably slept through anyway</strike> _

_ <strike>I'll be by soon I'm just taking a minute </strike> _

In the end he admired defeat and decided against messaging Callum.

"I was talking to Sonia and she mentioned a residential facility to treat him," Kathy said. Ben struggled to make out most of the words, he saw Facility.

"I can't send him away Mom, he would hate me," Ben said.

"There are plenty of other avenues to explore first mind, but it's am option nonetheless, Kathy said, she took his hand.

"I don't want to lose him, but what if he'd hurt Lexi or..."

"He's vulnerable not dangerous," Kathy said.

"Vulnerable that can often turn dangerous," Ben said.

They sat in silence for a while. 

"You still here?" Lola walked into the living room.

"He's hiding," Kathy said.

Lola walked up to Ben and said "He never walked away from you when things were difficult, even when you kept pushing," she said, Ben understood most of what she had said.

"Is Lexi ok?" Ben asked.

"She's fine, watching a film upstairs," Lola said.

* * *

Stuart sat at the dining table while Callum called the number. He was on hold for a while and eventually got through to someone. They informed him that there was a waiting list, unless he chose to pay privately. 

To begin with, however, they informed him that he'd need to take a screening so they had an idea of what he was suffering from, the earliest they had was tomorrow morning. 

Callum made the appointment.

* * *

Ben walked through the door a little while later. Stuart was about to leave.

"Call me if you need anything," Stuart said to Callum.

"Thanks Stu," Callum said.

"I'm here," Stuart said and they hugged.

* * *

"I've got a mental health screening tomorrow morning," Callum said.

Ben sat by him on the sofa and held his hand, "I'm sorry I wasn't here," he said. "Last night."

"It's ok," Callum looked at him.

"I should have seen that you were off, should have shut that stupid party down..." Ben said and Callum silenced him with a kiss.

"It's ok, I need help, I know that. I should have told you about the assessment centre," he said.

Yogether they discussed the options over chicken pasta. Ben insisted he take Callum to the screening tomorrow, he wanted to be apart of this as much as Callum would let him.

"If I need to, I'll postpone my operation," Ben said.

"No you can't do that," Callum said, he kissed Ben and stroked his face. 

"If I need to, I will," Ben said.

"You can't use me as an excuse for your fear, babe, " Callum winked at him and Ben laughed "Worth a try," he said.

"I'll be fine, I will," Callum said, Ben was lying in his lap.

They spent the evening in one anothers arms, Callum's sleep was broken but Ben held him nevertheless.


	19. I won't look too far ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum attends the health assessment

They arrived outside the GP surgery, the car park was almost full but they managed to squeeze into a small spot.

Callum had been quiet most of the morning, he came alive as they reached the surgery.

"I don't think I can do this," he said, a half smile on his face, misplaced smiles in the wrong situations were a involuntary reaction. One he and Stuart shared.

Ben gripped his hand and kissed it. He didn't know what to say.

They sat for a while longer and the time ticked closer, it was time for his appointment.

* * *

Ben and he walked into the waiting room, he was called in a little while later. Callum walked into the examination room, Ben waited in the sitting room. His phone buzzed.

_"Is he ok? Did he get there in time?"_ It was from Stuart.

_"He just went_ in," Ben texted back. 

Another text message came through and as Ben read it. "Fuck." He mouthed and deleted the message.

Placing his phone back in his pocket, Ben flicked through the magazines. Some of them were torn and others were weirdly sticky, he gave up and just waited, eyeing the others in the room.

* * *

"Hello, sit down," said the doctor, she wore a white shirt and was holding a pen.

"Hi," he said.

"Don't look so scared, what is it I can do for you today?"

"I'm here because, well I've been struggling a little but its progressively getting worse," 

"How so?"

"I went though something, a traumatic experience and since then I couldn't sleep, and well I've been seeing things," Callum said.

"Hallucinations?" She said.

"Yeah and well, the reason I'm here is because I broke down and everyone is panicking so... I said I'd come here."

"Don't you think you need help?" She asked.

"I do, I just know how to deal with this before, I've suffered with PTSD in the past," he said.

"Hallucinations are not usually a common symptom of PTSD," she said, she was writing things down on a notepad."This may be something else."

"I have a few screening questions, a standard mental health examination, is that ok?" 

"Yeah that's fine," Callum said.

"Do you often feel hopeless or as though you are a burden?"

"No, well lately I have."

"Have you had a poor appetite, perhaps you've been overeating or not eating enough?"

"I've been busy I haven't really had time to eat."

"Do you struggle to sleep, or sleep too much?"

"I often have nightmares, but it does take a while to get to sleep."

"Do you find that you choose to remove yourself from social situations for fear that you will not cope?" She asked.

"Yeah, I struggle with crowds, I find it difficult to act normal around people lately, and people who I know have noticed this, my brother, the way he looks at me it's different, " Callum had tears in his eyes, the doctor passed him a tissue.

"I'm sorry," Callum said.

"It's ok," she said.

"And finally, I don't like this question, have you ever thought about hurting yourself or taking your own life?" She looked at him.

Callum looked at her and said, "A few weeks back I took an overdose of sleeping pills," he said.

"Ok I'm sorry to hear that, what changed recently how do you manage those feelings?"

"I guess the fear, I know it would hurt too many people, I couldn't do that to them."

"What do you think when you think of the future?" She asked.

"Generally I don't, I just have to hope that there is a reason to fight," he said.

"Of course and there is always hope, you are a young man and have your whole life, ahead" she said.

"Thank you now if you just wait here a moment, I'm a trainee consultant, I just need to run this by Dr. Michaels, is that ok?"

"Yeah that's fine," Callum said, he sat and waited for what seemed like forever.

* * *

She came back a little while later.

"We believe you are suffering with Schizophrenia," she said.

"Ok so what happens now?" He was a little shocked.

"Usually we don't prescribe medication straight away as it can have negative effects on mood but it would seem that your symptoms are quite severe and as you have already made an attempt on your life, we have decided to prescribe some mild anti-psychotic medication and here's a number for a therapy facility," she said.

"Schizophrenia is something that a person can live with, it just requires to be management, people do recover from it," she said.

"Ok," he said, he was so sure that he knew how to deal with this. In his mind he could just picture movies and crazy serial killers, that's what that word meant to him. There was a nobility in PTSD, he assured himself.

"You've taken the first step now, it'll get better," she said, "Do you have anything you'd like to ask me?"

"No I just thought it was, well I don't know what to say, I thought it was PTSD," he said.

"I believe that the trauma of the event you mentioned might be causing the nightmares, but I'm certain that its the Schizophrenia that we need to address first," she smiled.

"Ok," 

"Do you have a support network, people you can call in crisis?" She asked.

"My Boyfriend is supportive but he's going through his own problems at the moment, and my brother," Callum said.

"Ok, and are you aware of crisis points that you can call if you do feel like hurting yourself or others?" she asked, passing him a piece of paper with some numbers on.

"Thank you for not saying I'm crazy," he said.

"You aren't crazy, this is life people can't be well all the time, everyone needs a little help," she said.

* * *

He left the office and walked up to the waiting room, as he walked past the mirror in the corridor, he saw a shadow, a figure behind him. He ignored it.

"You're crazy, he won't stay by you, you are too broken," the shadow said it was Keanu.

Callum kept walking, the corridor seemed to distort, he walked faster and was exasperated as he got to the waiting room. The corridor seemed like it might close in on him.

* * *

Ben was staring vaguely at the doorway waiting, he stood up as Callum approached.

Most of the initial people in the waiting room had gone.

"I need to get out of here," Callum said and they left. Ben looked concerned he could see the panic on Callum's face.

* * *

"Are you ok? What did they say?" Callum sat on the bench outside.

"I've got some tablets to pick up and a number to call," Callum said, he caught his breath, his face was flustered. Ben stood by the bench.

Ben placed his hand on Callum's back.

"I'm proud of you," he said and kissed Callum.

Tears ran down Callum's face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After taking into consideration the comments and researching the symptoms a little, I think Callum is Schizophrenic. Thank you Smugdendingle who pointed that out, it makes sense and will certainly make for a more interesting story as he takes this journey. I hope you all will continue to read and enjoy 😊


	20. Another day, another drama

Callum had barely slept that night, nor had Ben, he was on edge and uncomfortable.

They both gave up on the idea of sleep at approximately 6am. They wandered into the kitchen and sat down drinking coffee, the rest of the house was empty, Lola and Lexi were still at Kathy's. 

Callum was intending to call the therapy number today but something kept stopping him. He hesitated and procrastinated the hours flew by.

"Are you ok?" Callum asked Ben who was worrying his cereal with the spoon, he hadn't an appetite.

"Ben," Callum reached out his hand and Ben jumped.

"Hm? Yeah I've actually just got to head out babe," Ben said he didn't look at Callum.

"Ok," Callum said, Ben hadn't waited for a response.

* * *

Callum sat at the table a little while longer, his coffee was cold and he'd lost his appetite. He was worried, surely by now Ben would trust him enough to not hide things from him.

* * *

He heard shouting and stood up.

"What have you done? My boy, you monster!" as Callum peered through the glass he saw Karen in tears, she grabbed Ben as he walked past. He ignored her and kept on walking. 

Casting it off as a delusion, Callum scrolled through the contacts on his phone. He landed on the one of the therapy organisation.

* * *

Callum called the number. He waited a while and eventually someone answered, a young woman. He was informed that he would be fast tracked through a little faster on account of the severity but it would still be the best part of a month until he would be seen in a face to face capacity, there was an option to pay privately. He asked to go on the waiting list.

* * *

Meanwhile Ben sat in the cafe.  
"You alright, darling?" Kathy said, making him jump.

"Hm? Yeah I'm good," he said.

"How's Callum?" She asked, he said fine.

"I bet you'll be glad to have Lexi back, soon," she said. "Not that I don't enjoy having her ofcourse, and.." Ben wasn't paying any attention to her.

* * *

Seeing that her son wasn't really in talking mood, she walked away, Ben grew irritated. He had walked for most of the day, unable to find somewhere to calm his head.

* * *

Callum was baking, something that he hadn't had much experience doing but something that could occupy his mind, focus it.

There was a knock at the back door, almost dropping the piping hot tray, he lay it on the counter and opened the door.

"Where is he?" Phil burst in, he had his hood up and was cautious of the space around him.

"Ben's out," Callum said.

"I need to see him, didn't he get my text?"

"You'll be surprised to hear this but I don't actually check who texts him, Phil," Callum said.

Phil watched as Callum resumed his business, he sat agitated at the dining table, texting Ben.

* * *

Ben walked through the door a little while later.

"What are you doing here?"

"You saw my text, we need to sort this out," Phil said.

"I said not here," Ben said.

"Well the arches is sealed up, probably waiting for the new owners to come by," Phil said, sarcastically.

Ben turned to Callum and said, "Can you give us a minute babe?" Ben said as though removing a child from a parental argument.

"Ok," Callum said, willingly, he could see the desperation in Ben's eyes. Frankly he didn't want to know the details of the dodgy deal that had clearly gone wrong.

* * *

"I'm sorry dad, about the arches, " Ben began, he spoke louder than normal.

"What? Why would you do that?" Phil was puzzled but soon caught on that Callum mustn't be included in the discussion, he couldn't mistakenly overhear any if it. Unable to take the risk of Callum overhearing, Ben suggested that they go into the living room, the hum of the TV was loud enough to drown them out.

* * *

Callum had little interest in what was being said, he did feel uncomfortable however. Sitting on the side of the bed, he opened the bedside drawer. Ben never folded his clothes, there were various papers and birthday Christmas cards inside the drawer, along with some hand painted cards from Lexi. As he trawled through the drawer of chaos, he noticed a small black box tucked away in the corner. 

He didn't get a chance to look inside when Ben walked in and sat beside him. Callum closed the drawer.

* * *

"What's going on?" Callum asked.

"There's no point trying to hide this from you, you're going to have to go out at some point, Keanu's body was pulled out of the Thames last night," Ben said.

Callum was speechless, Ben clutched his hand.

"Who did it?" Callum asked, his chest tightened, suddenly he felt an overwhelming sense of guilt.

"It was a gunshot wound, they don't know who did it," Ben lied. "But they'll be after my dad in connection, I expect."

"What if it was the people, the ones I sent to track him down?" Callum said, his breath shortened.

Despite Ben not knowing what he had said, he took Callum's face in his hand and said. "This ain't your fault, it ain't. I know that for certain."

Callum didn't respond, he thought the most fearful thing he could have done that day was to apply for therapy, this was earth shattering.

* * *

A little later on, Callum was back in the Kitchen, he found that it calmed him.

A loud thud came at he back door, the glass rattled. Apprehensive to answer, Callum opened the door.

"Stuart?" He said.

Stuart was out of breath as he stood on the step, almost hunched over. He wasn't wearing the black blazer and instead stood in a white shirt, clearly he had run from the parlour.

"What's happened, you ok?" Callum asked.

Stuart invited himself in and drank a glass of water, he turned to Callum.

"You need to sit down," he said.

"Ok," Callum grew worried.

"It's Keanu," Stuart began

"I know I heard," Callum said.

"Oh ok, I wanted to check you were ok, you haven't been answering my calls," Stuart said.

"I haven't had any calls," Callum looked down at his phone and was astounded to see six missed calls from his brother, "Sorry Stu, I must have missed them," he said, checking the volume. His phone was almost always on vibrate, a habit he had picked up from working in the silent parlour.

"That's ok, so have you heard anymore about therapy?" Stuart asked.

"I've been given a minor dose of Anti-psychotic medication which I'm yet to start and therapy might take longer than a month for me to be seen," Callum said.

"Can't you go private?"

"Naah, I can wait," Callum said.

* * *

"It's like a family reunion in here," Phil said as he walked into the kitchen. He clicked the kettle on and walked back into the other room.

"What's he doing here?" Stuart watched Phil leave.

* * *

"Think they know Stu, what I did, I think Ben's brought him in for help," Callum whispered.

"You haven't done anything," Stuart said.

"The police won't believe that, a man is dead," Callum muttered.


	21. Things aren't clear anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil angers Ben, Callum grows paranoid as he feels people are talking about him

Phil lingered in the hallway for a little while, he heard Callum and Stuart. Walking back into the living room, he said to Ben "You're boyfriend might not be so squeaky clean after all," Phil said.

Ben only picked up some of what was being said, "We both know he had nothing to do with this."

"He don't sound so sure of himself, he just told Uncle Fester in there that he was responsible," Phil said.

"He's ill Dad, he don't know what's up and what's down right now," Ben said.

"That could be useful," Phil said 

"The way I see it son, its him or me, he has no previous convictions, he would get off no problem," Phil said.

Ben caught some of the ultimatum, he angrily stood up and said, "Out!"

"This is my house," Phil said.

"Out, and for the record, I'll always pick him." Ben slammed the door.

* * *

When Callum awoke in the middle of the night, he reached out his arm and found Ben's side of the bed was cold and empty.

"Ben?" He said, as he stood up he saw a blackened silhouette behind the curtain, it waved at him. He then heard an eruption of gunfire and the figure dissipated in a flash of light.

"Ben?" Callum walked downstairs and saw that the light was on in the living room, Ben sat in his housecoat on the sofa, he was wearing glasses

"You alright," Callum startled him.

"Go back to bed, babe."

"No point without you, is there?" Callum said, Ben chose not to look at him.

"I've ruined it, everything I touch I ruin," Ben began.

"What?"

"My Dad he always drags me into this shit," Ben said, "Last time it almost cost me everything, almost cost me you," Ben said.

"I'm here Ben, and I ain't going anywhere," Ben kissed Callum's hand.

"Why do you stay with me?" Ben asked, turning to face Callum.

"Because I love you." Callum said.

* * *

The next day, Ben headed out early. Callum was worried but decided to let Ben deal with this in his own way. He often found that running after him usually concluded with more upset.

Callum headed out too, he wandered to the parlour, being confined to the house was starting to get to him and he had baked enough cake to kill a diabetic so he would ask if they had any shifts going. Or anything he could find, it was a sunny day after all. 

* * *

"He needs help, if he goes to the police saying he killed Keanu, they won't let him out," Ben said.

"He's delusional it's the illness," Stuart said, "What did they say at the appointment?"

"He collected some medication afterwards, but I don't know what for, he's not talking very much," Ben said.

"But if he goes to the police, its game over, my Dad wants to pin this on him," Ben said.

"Last I heard your Dad left the square," Stuart said.

"Anyway I'm worried about Callum especially as he has to wait for the therapy."

"Wait? What are you talking about?"

"If he goes private it'll cost other than that there's a waiting list," Stuart said.

"He didn't tell me that," Ben said.

* * *

As Callum walked into the parlor, he saw Ben and Stuart were talking. They were sitting at the desk.

"You alright?" Callum said as he walked in.

"Yeah," Stuart said, Ben turned around.

"I just wanted to know if you had any shifts going, I'm going spare in that house," Callum said running his finger though his hair, he felt awkward, fidgety.

"At the moment bruv, business is slow but I mean I can find something for you to do?" Stuart said. "Leave it with me."

"Ah ok," Callum said. They looked at him he took that as his queue to leave.

* * *

He was yet to begin his medication, it frightened him. He intended to start taking them tomorrow. 

He had said that yesterday though.

As he left the parlor, he assured himself that whatever was happening he Ben would tell him. He hoped so.

As he walked across the square he saw Phil, he was standing by the arches. Callum ignored him.

* * *

Karen was sitting on her step as Callum walked past, she had been drinking.

"Ere, Callum," she said.

He walked over to her.

"I'm sorry. What happened to you I am, but he didn't deserve this, my boy," Karen said, "I never got to say goodbye." Tesrs rolled down her cheeks.

"Get out while you can, Mitchell's are not good," she said.

"I can't do that," Callum said.

"He was planning to come back to the square, you know to see his son, if only he hadn't been lured onto that boat," Karen cried.

"Sit with me love," she said.

"I can't I'm sorry," Callum said.

"You apologise alot, guilty conscience?" She asked.

Callum rushed home.

As he walked into the kitchen he saw Keanu, facing backwards, his head hunched over the sink.

"I'm sorry, don't leave me, I'm sorry," Keanu muttered in a calm voice, his wet shirt was dripping on the counter.

"You're dead, you ain't real."

"Say it again, you might even believe it," Keanu said, he turned around to reveal a skeletal figure, a bullet hole in his forehead.

Sludge and water dropped through the hole, his eyes were pale white.

"I didn't do this. I didn't. It ain't my fault," Callum said.

"What's the worse that could happen aye? Broken ribs, dehydration, I had it all so meticulously planned, all of it." Keanu muttered.

Callum tried to leave the kitchen, as he touched the door handle Keanu blocked his way.

"I ain't finished talking Mr Highway."

"I am." Callum pulled the door, and stood in the hall he exhaled and waited. He hoped Ben would be home soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things seem a little disorganised at the moment,, chapter wise. I am finding it quite difficult to post every day so I appreciate that some of the chapters might not be to the standard of others. Fear not though I do know the direction in which the proece is going and have created an ending that I hope will be satisfying
> 
> Thank you to those who are still reading


	22. I'm hurting too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum and Ben get into a fight

_The night of the Boat crash _

Ben had just about made it onto the boat before it pulled away. Immediately and frantically he looked for his dad. He felt anxious, Callum was missing and he was none the wiser of where he was.

As he climbed to the top of the ship, he saw Phil pointing a gun at Keanu.

"No! we don't know where Callum is!" Ben yelled.

"I told you where he is," Keanu said he was sweating.

Phil ignored Ben, he pushed the gun closer to Keanu's temple, there was already blood seeping through a cut on Keanu's head, a fight had taken place.

Ben cocked his gun and pointed at Phil, Phil smirked as he felt it in his back of his head.

"You ain't got the guts," Phil said.

"Try me," Ben said 

"You won't kill me."

"For Callum I would," Ben said, his hand was shaking. Phil felt the resilience and used it, he stood up and punched Ben.

As Ben hit the deck, he looked up at the dark sky.

"You need me if you want to save Callum," Keanu said, his voice was jittery, he tried to gain control, Phil wasn't interested.

"Who said I care about that, you slept with my wife!" Phil said. "I changed my will, removed my own son's name, I respected you, I never understood Ben but you," 

"Phil I'm sorry," Keanu said.

"You will be," Phil said.

Ben was shaky as he climbed to his feet and walked towards them, his vision was blurred.

"Dad don't," Ben said, he heard the bullet fire, his ears rang. Ben saw the blood, Phil was careless as he threw the body overboard. 

"What have you done?" Ben ran at Phil as they fought Ben fell overboard.

"Ben!" Phil yelled as he watched Ben fall into the water. The water swallowed him and overpowered him, causing him to struggle to breath. As he tired, he forced breathe and strength to power through the water. The tide was against him, the bitter chill of the icy water.

He bobbed up, hitted his head against the metal bar. 

* * *

Ben sat up in bed, he was drenched in sweat as he looked around the room. Callum slept beside him.

Ben stroked Callum's face, standing up he headed to the bathroom.

"You alright?" Callum asked, appearing behind him. Ben looked for paracetamol in the cupboard and found Callum's unopened prescription. The date was on the packet.

"What's this?" Ben asked.

"I'm going to start taking them today" Callum said.

"You ain't taking your medication? What are you doing?" Ben said, he read the packet.

For treatment of Hallucinations, particularly for sufferers of Schizophrenia. 

"Schizophrenia is that what you have?" Ben asked.

Callum looked at him. "I haven't been diagnosed officially."

"How can you expect me to help you, if you won't help yourself!" Ben said.

"I'm sorry," Callum said.

"I can't hear you!" Ben yelled, Callum snatched the medication from his hand.

"I'll do this at my pace," Callum said walking downstairs.

"I'm going back to bed," Ben said. He climbed into bed and closed his eyes. He felt awful.

* * *

Callum looked at the packet, he sat at the dining table. He read the side effects, he had looked up the symptoms online and found that some of them were not consistent with his own, one thing was certain the hallucinations were increasingly vivid.

He pushed the packet away. 

"Just do it, he ain't going to come back downstairs, it could all end right now, right here," Keanu said.

"No, I won't do that," Callum said.

"Then take the pill, it'll only push me further into your mind, I'll still be here," Keanu said.

Callum buried his head in his arms, "You're keeping him away from his own kid," Keanu kept talking.

"I know, I know!" He said.

* * *

Callum stood up. He looked at the pills, leaving them on the table as he pulled on his shoes. He found his jacket on the sofa and turned off the light.

He opened the front door, and stepped out into the darkness.

Ben didn't hear the door slam, he lay in bed staring at the ceiling, he must have fallen asleep at some point. He woke up to find that Callum was not there, the medication was on the table still.

"Shit!" Ben said as he frantically pulled his coat on but Callum had long gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure that there will be an update tomorrow, I'll try my best. In the meantime, enjoy 😊 I expect to keep going with the Schizophrenia diagnosis but have found the Borderline personality disorder can also induce some such symptoms.  
Long story short I am not sure exactly where I'm going with this, story wise I know but in regards to Callum and his diagnosis I'll see where the story takes me.


	23. In the bad times, I fear myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben wakes up to an empty bed, it hadn't been a dream. Finding the medication on the table he begins to panic

Ben awoke the next morning to find that Callum was gone. He hoped that their fight had been a nightmare, it hadn't.

"Babe, I'm sorry," he said as he walked downstairs, he noticed Callum's jacket was gone, he grew worried.

"Babe? It was a bad dream I shouldnt have snapped at you," as he walked into the living room, he saw the tablet packet on the table. Frantically he looked through the packet and found that the tablets were all still there. Callum was not, his shoes were gone there was no note. 

Ben pulled on his chequered coat and boots and rushed out.

* * *

He saw Stuart who was heading towards the funeral home.

"Have you seen Callum?" Stuart looked confused.

"He lives with you mate," he said.

"He ain't at home, look we got into a fight last night and I'm worried that he's done something stupid, he left the medication on the table and..."

"He ain't done something stupid Ben, he's actually done something sensible. He checked himself into a psychiatric hospital last night," Stuart said. 

"What?" Ben was unable to focus enough to try to read Stuart's lips, so Stuart typed it and Ben read.

> _He was hysterical, he felt that he needed help fast and so he self referred to a hospital._

"Which hospital?"

"He told me not to tell you, mate, he's ok," Stuart said.

"Why can't I know?" Ben asked.

"He's not having any visitors, wants to get his head straight." Ben walked away, feeling disheartened and upset. 

* * *

"Hey, I know you?" Frankie approached Ben as he walked past the community centre, Ben didn't see her. She walked right up to his face and repeated herself.

"You're going to have to speak slower, love," Ben said.

"Sorry, I'm Frankie I attend the same group as Callum, I saw you two last time," she said.

"Group? Sorry love I'm really not getting what you're saying," Ben said, he wanted to go home. He wanted to hug Callum's pillow and cry.

She pulled out her phone.

> _I'm Frankie I attend the trauma group here, Either I'm making a huge fool of myself or you're Callum's boyfriend?_

"Yeah I am, why?" Ben said, she typed

> I'm deaf too, clearly better at lip reading than you but could you still type please,?

"What do you want?" Ben said, she pointed to her phone.

> It's been a couple of weeks since we last saw Callum, we were worried

_He's not doing so well_, Ben typed

Frankie took his phone and typed it took a little longer this time,

> _Send him our love, I've added my number to the contact list, pass it on to him, tell him my eyes are always open if he wants a chat, she smiled and walked away._

Ben placed his phone in his pocket, whatever that was he wasn't interested.

* * *

As he got home, he saw Lola she was sitting in the kitchen. 

"Hello to you too, Lexi and I have moved back," She said, Ben had tears in his eyes, he looked down to the floor. She stood up and stopped him from walking away.

"Ben? What's happened?" Lola held him.

"Callum, he checked himself into hospital," Ben said. "It's my fault, we had a fight," he said.

"He's ill, it's not your fault," she hugged him, he cried.

"It is, I knew Keanu was dead but I let him go on believing he was seeing him, I even pretended that I saw him a few weeks back just so he wouldn't feel so bad." Ben cried, stuttering his words.

Lola had no response so she stroked the back of his head.

* * *

Callum sat on the white firm bed, he looked around the room at the others, most of them were asleep. He had been given a dosage of anti psychotic medication and had been tested mentally upon arrival. He sat on the bed, unable to sleep. 

Doctors walked past, some were the same others had distinguishable features. He was anxious, his knees under his chin. Losing his nerve was an understatement as he felt the walls close in.

The man in the next bed was awake too, he sat up, eyes open silent. He stared at the window, the night sky.

After being diagnosed, Callum would begin treatment tomorrow, he wasn't trapped but they had recommended that he wait to he discharged on account of his hysteria upon arrival.

Callum sat there for the best part of the night, his mind empty. He heard scratches saw shadows, but they were tame.

Bad things still would find him here.

* * *

The next day he awoke to the sight of a man in a suit standing beside his bed.

"Mr Highway?"

"Yeah?" Callum sat up.

"How are you feeling? The nurses said you slept like a rock."

Callum was a little confused, he didn't remember even lying down.

"If you would care to follow me, I'd like to talk about your diagnosis," he said, Callum did. 

* * *

He was lead into an office just off the side of the hall. Sitting down he watched as the spectacled doctor read through his file.

"There is no way to be 100% accurate but with the answers you gave us on the screening test when you entered, we believe you are suffering with mild Schizophrenia. Now it is treatable but will cause some quite upsetting and jolting rifts to your life, particularly as you begin to manage it and find the correct medication."

"Are you sure, I mean you said that you can't be certain?"

"I did say that but we tested you and the results were as accurate as possible for the test of that kind."

"I looked online and found that I didn't have all the symptoms," Callum said.

"It manifests itself differently in different people, now if I may, the next course of action would be Cognitive behavioral therapy and a course of Anti Psychotic medication to dim the hallucinations," he said.

"Ok," Callum said. The doctor smiled, "Medicine has come very far on this matter, there is no reason that you can't live with this illness."

"Will I get better?" He asked

"It will never fully go away but it will hopefully become more manageable as we treat it."

* * *

Ben lay in bed, he was squeezing Callum's cushion. Glancing at his phone there were no texts or calls.

He assumed Callum wouldn't have his phone on his but he texted him nevertheless.

_I'm sorry we fought._

_I love you and am missing you, please come back to me, I can be better I promise._

_You make me better_

He hovered over the send button and pressed it 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a bit of a wobble there, I do apologise but the story is back on track.


	24. And now ..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum begins therapy

Ben awoke late the next day, he was still clutching Callum's pillow. He walked downstairs, the post was on the floor. He hadn't set the alarm on his watch and Callum wasn't there to wake him up.

As he flicked through the letters, he saw one for him. In the corner was the name of the deaf clinic he had recieved a consultation from. Walking to the living room, he opened the letter and read it. It was a confirmation of the date for his operation, it was in ten days. The procedure would take two to four hours and he would have to arrive an hour before to be prepped for it. Ben left the letter on the table.

* * *

Callum began his first therapy session today, he walked into the office and sat down.

"Make yourself comfortable, Mr Highway," she said, she had a toothy grin.

"If I may begin, why did you check yourself in here?"

"I felt I had no other option," Callum said.

"Did you feel you may be a danger to yourself or others?" 

"It was heading in that direction, yes."

"So it says here that you are suffering hallucinations, what do you think might have triggered these?"

"I went through something recently, I almost died and well I guess it triggered this," he said.

"Can you expand on that perhaps?" She said.

Callum inhaled and tried to piece together the unfortunate series of events as they unfurled. 

"I was kidnapped by a man who my boyfriend had paid to have killed, he left and in an attempt to escape I fell and I then spent the best part of a week in and out of consciousness as I lay on a pile of abandoned rubbish," he said, his hands were shaking.

"I'm sorry that happened to you," she said.

"I wonder sometimes if it would have been better if I have died there, would have saved all this trouble," he chuckled, awkwardly.

"Do you think the world would be better if you weren't in it?" She asked.

"I do sometimes yeah, I mean growing up my Dad treated my brother and me like burdens, especially after Mom died," he said, "I was eleven when she died, barely remember her," Callum said, a halfsmile crept across his face.

"It sounds like you have had quite a traumatic time, it says here that you suffered from PTSD?" She said 

"That's right, I went into army, didn't really want to but my brother was a junkie and my Dad, a thug so it seemed like the only viable way out. I turned eighteen and that was it," he said. "Ofcourse I was managed to mess that up too, I was discharged from the army with an injury, then the nightmares began."

"Did you have any support systems to return to?"

"I moved in with the local publican and started working there, they treated me like family, I assumed my brother was dead by then but he showed up," Callum said. 

"Did that effect you seeing your brother again?"

"No I'm being unfair, he has always been there for me, he's taken more punches from Dad than I care to count. He's always been a little broken though, I think he blames me."

"For what?"

"For making him stay there, being the anchor that held him back, he had to look after me."

"Has your brother ever said something that would make you feel like this?"

"No."

"Then chances are it might be your words and not necessarily his feelings. How about your Father, is he still around?"

"He did come back to try and borrow money and to further voice his disapproval of my being gay but he's out the picture," Callum said.

"What else do you believe might have happened in your life to trigger these thoughts, you mentioned your sexuality?"

"I came out as gay last year, after almost marrying a woman I thought I loved, Ben helped me realise who I was and gave me the strength to be me. Then he got shot and I realised that I want to help people, join the police."

"Sounds very stressful, she said Ben is your boyfriend?"

"Yeah, look sorry I guess you got more than you bargained for with me," he said, suddenly feeling quite vulnerable.

"Sorry is not necessary here, How is your support network now, you mentioned a boyfriend, is he supportive?"

"He is, he has his own stuff to deal with, plus he has a daughter." 

"But would he be there if you need him to be?" 

"He has been, yes," 

"What would you like to get out of therapy?" She asked.

"I just want to feel better, have a purpose again."

"Ok and the hallucinations are they frequent?"

"Yes, almost every day," he said.

"Ok, well with Cognitive behavioral therapy we will address some of the key issues that have contributed to this, I also would like you to begin keeping a diary," she said.

"What would I write?"

"Feelings, emotions there isn't any pressure but people do find that it helps."

"Ok," Callum said.

"Do you have any questions for me?" She asked.

"Not really," he said.

"Ok then, thank you for sharing with me, today." She said.

He stood up and walked back to the room, she had handed him a black notebook that would form the diary.

* * *

Sitting on the bed, he tried to correlate some thoughts.

"They expect you to do that? You can't even do joined up writing, can you Halfwit!" Keanu's voice was in his head.

"Useless, a waste of time. I mean you," he said.

"Shut up," Callum said, the patient in the bed beside him looked around.

"Sorry," Callum said.

"You're even too crazy for this place ain't ya?" Keanu growled. Callum shut the notebook and placed it on the side, he lay down covering his ears with the pillow.

"You ok, mate?" Said the man in the next bed along.

Callum didn't respond.

"Yeah the first session is the hardest, man, it is." 


	25. Talking, it brings people back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are tense in Callum's absence on the sqaure

"I was like that too, my first time. I didn't speak, blamed everyone, it don't help," the man in the next bed continued to speak.

Callum tried to ignore him.

"I'm Roy, you are?"

"Callum," he introduced himself and sat up.

"I would ask what are you in for, but I ain't accustomed to cliche," Roy said. Callum looked over at him, he had long grey hair and a stubbly chin, he wore a short sleeve black shirt.

"I take it you've been here before then," Callum said.

"Yes, a few times, sometimes the voices just get too loud, I bet you still think you got someone waiting for you when you leave here?"

"I don't think, I know he is," Callum said.

"Boyfriend yeah? He might wait this time out but the next time he'll say he needs space and before you know it you are living alone," Roy said.

"I'm sorry if thats what happened to you, but I know him and he wouldn't do that," Callum said.

"Excuse me but I don't hear no one banging down the door to see you," Roy theatrically looked around the room. "Nope nothing."

"I told them I don't want visitor's," Callum said.

"I had a wife and two daughters waiting for me when I was admitted here, the first time, that was years ago, I now have a one bedroom flat in an assisted living village, people like us we scare love away," Roy said.

"You don't know nothing about me," Callum said.

"I am you," Roy muttered and Callum sat back in the bed, Roy smiled "You'll see." 

* * *

Ben walked downstairs to find Lola in the kitchen.

"You look how I feel," he said to her as she held a mug of coffee between her hands.

"Thanks," she said. "Have you heard anything from Callum?"

"Callum? He's still in the hospital," Ben said.

"Speaking of which, I found this in the living room, when were you going to tell me?" She held up the letter from the hospital.

"What happened to privacy?" He snatched the letter from her hand.

"Its in nine days," she said.

"I don't even know if I'm going, I mean how can I with all that's going on?"

"You are going, Ben you have to, if there's a chance that you can get your hearing back you have to try, think about Lexi, you remember her, your daughter?" Ben understood very little of what was being said.

"Lo I need to be here for him when he gets out."

"And you will be, but hopefully with your hearing back!" She said, he grew frustrated by not being able to understand her.

"Its over a week away anyway," he said and sat down.

Lola reached for his hand, "It's what he'd want you to do," she said, you know it is."

* * *

Stuart walked into the Vic, he had closed up the parlour and was feeling sorry for himself.

"Usual?" Mick asked, before Stuart had enough time to pick an alcoholic beverage.

"Thanks," Stuart said, he stared into the orange juice.

"Hows halfway?" Mick asked.

"Still in the hospital, he isn't taking any visitors," Stuart said. 

"He's in the right place," Mick said.

"I've always looked after him, I just can't stand not knowing," Stuart said.

"I know mate," Mick said.

"When he gets out he's going to be better," Mick said, "He's a strong boy, lived under the same roof as my mother for a long time," Mick said.

"I'm sure Shirley ain't all that bad, I'll bet she's a softie really," Stuart said. Shirlsy turned around after pouring herself a drink.

"Careful Stuart," she said and walked away.

* * *

Callum sat in the room talking to Roy for a little longer, the more he spoke the better it felt. He felt less alone as Roy span his yarns of times gone by.  
This was the second day of medication, Callum didn't feel much difference but he did find that it was a little easier to fall asleep.

After his therapy session Roy would be there, he knew exactly what to say and make Callum feel less alone. He was an ally.

* * *

"Is he ok?" The doctor stood at the doorway watching Callum, she had just bought him back from his second session.

"I don't know, he's been like this for a while now I can't imagine who he's talking to," said the orderly. 

"It's not a bad thing, I mean maybe whoever he's seeing is helping him?"

"That's how it starts," said the orderly as she walked inside with her tray of pills.

"You ain't been here as long as me, trust me this is not something that should be encouraged," she began distributing the medication around.

"Doc, is it that time again?" Roy said, Callum noticed that the nurse ignored him

"I think you've missed someone there," Callum laughed, she rolled her eyes and waited while Callum took the tablets.

* * *

"She don't like me, don't like anyone," said Roy as he watched her leave.

"You need to be careful son, the workers here can turn on you at any moment," he said.

"How so?"

"Why do you think we stay in groups? Big Brother's watching man, always," Roy said as he watched the door.

"I'm sure that ain't true," Callum said.

"You watch man, tomorrow she'll ask you about me, try to turn us against one another."


	26. Maybe you can understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum attends a therapy session. Stuart calls the hospital for information.

Callum woke up the next day to the usual sound of the door closing. The orderly was waiting by his bed, the tray of tablets in tiny paper cups were lined up, she often began with him.

"Morning," he said and looked over at Roy.

"Heavy sleeper, ain't he?" Callum said.

"It's time for your session Mr Highway," she said in a sympathetic tone. Callum swallowed the tablet and followed her. The session's often occurred first thing in the morning, the therapist said that it was the most effective as people then didn't have time to prepare answers. He had his hardback journal with him as he walked behind her.

* * *

"Good morning, " said the therapist and Callum took a seat.

"How are you feeling today?" she asked.

"Better actually, I think the tablets are working," he said.

"That's good, have you been writing in your diary too?" 

"Yes, I've been updating it regularly."

"Good, how are you fitting in, amongst the others?" she asked, Callum knew she meant Roy, he had predicted her enquiry of him.

"I think I'm doing ok, you've probably seen me talking to Roy quite a bit," he said.

"And does it help to talk to Roy?" She asked, she maintained a calming tone. 

"Yeah well he knows a lot, he has been through this before so he understands," Callum said.

"Do you see Roy often?" She asked.

"He's in the bed next to me doc, I see him every day," Callum said.

"And as far as hallucinations are concerned, are there any other instances perhaps more threatening encounters?"

"I don't understand? I haven't had a hallucination in a couple of days," Callum felt content, he watched as she scribbled down notes.

"Ok, tell me more about Roy?"

"Why do you want to know about him, he's one of your patients too, I ain't going to tell you any of his personal stuff," Callum grew defensive, he raised his voice a little as he became frustrated.

"Roy is a hallucination, Callum. Only you see him," she said.

"What? No I hallucinate Keanu, Roy is real I see him every day, I..."

"Yes they mentioned that you talk frequently with this Roy, but I want to know does he tell you to do things, is he dangerous? Or is he purely a comfort you've created, an ally if you will?"

Callum was confused, he suddenly felt sick to his stomach. "He was so real." Callum said. His blanket of normality had been torn from under him, he thought he was getting better.

"Schizophrenia plays tricks on you it creates delusions for your mind to exist in, but this may just mean that you are reacting to the medication, it's all about getting the correct chemical balance in your mind," she said.

"No, he said you'd ask about him, you're tricking me aren't you?" he said, as he turned he saw a man in the corner of the room, had he been there the entire time.

"Who's that?" Callum asked.

"Who, Mr. Highway?"

"That man, is he spying on me is he security, did you think I'd get violent?"

"These sessions are purely between you and me, there's no one else here," she said.

"I think I want to go back to the room now," Callum said.

"As you wish, the next time I want you to log what you see in your diary, just so we can map out the nature of the hallucinations," she smiled and stood up to open the door, he was already gone.

* * *

As he walked down the hall, he looked into the long glass windows. They were lined with people, laughing and pointing at him. He heard the cackles of muffled laughter, the sniggers and chortles.

"Leave me alone!" He hissed.

He reached the room and sat on the bed.

"Rough session?" He heard Roy's gruff tone, as he turned his head he saw Keanu sitting on the bed. His legs were spread in front of him, he grinned. 

"Fooled ya!" Keanu laughed. "and you were doing so well guess even the nuts don't want to mix with you, ya fruit!" He chuckled and Callum lunged at him

"You monster, how could you? Why won't you leave me alone!" Callum yelled.

"Woah mate, chill out!" As Callum was pulled away he saw a man sitting in that bed, a skinny man.

"What are you a nut?" he asked.

"Are you ok?" Asked the orderly as Callum was held back. "Is he real? Can you see him?" 

"Yeah that's Norm he was admitted late last night," said the orderly. Callum was hysterical. He had no comprehension of reality.

* * *

"I think it might be best to isolate you from the other patients," the orderly said and Callum was lead away. He wandered down the hall, assisted by a young man in a white shirt.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he said. The door opened and he was lay on the bed.

"I'm going to administer a sedative, just to help you sleep," said a nurse and a needle was pushed into his arm. As he lost co consciousness, he felt the walls dribble, it was as though they were melting. A tomb collapsing around him. 

"Don't leave me here, please, no," tears rolled down his cheeks as the room began to freeze. He saw the warehouse, the slight cast of a shadow moving around above him.

"Please, help," he cried, paralysed. He could hear the movement, the door shut.

His body eased as he lay there on the stiff mattress.

"Ben," he whispered as his eyes closed.

* * *

Meanwhile Stuart waited by the phone, he had called to try and find out how Callum was. They divulged very little and assured him that they'd call if there was anything he needed to know. 

"Is he getting better? The treatment is it working?" He asked.

"I'm sorry I really can't discuss a patients treatment, all it says here is that he has been moved to an isolated room," the woman said on the phone.

"Why? Did something happen? Is he ok? Has he been hurt?" Stuart said.

"I'm sorry sir, that's all it says. It might just mean that they think he'll respond better on his own? It's not a cause for concern," she said.

"Ok, you have my number?"

"Yes we'll call if we need to, goodbye." She hung up and Stuart sat down, he felt more anxious than he had done before calling.

"What did they say?" Asked Rainie placing her hand on his back. 

"He's been moved to an isolated room," Stuart said.

"Did they say why?"

"No, they didn't say anything."

"He'll be ok babe, he's in the right place," Rainie said.

"I'd better let Ben know." Stuart said and stood up.

* * *

He headed over to the house and knocked the door, Lola answered. 

"Is Ben home?" Stuart asked.

"Yeah come in," she said, he walked into the living room, Ben was sitting on the sofa. He stood up and Stuart entered.

"Is he ok? What's wrong?" Ben asked, suddenly very nervous.

Stuart had exhausted his charades talents in the past to communicate with Ben, to no success so he typed something on his phone.

'There's no need to panic, I spoke to the hospital and he's been moved to an isolated room,

"Why? What happened?" Ben asked.

'They wouldn't say, I just know he'd want me to keep you in the loop,

"Thank you," Ben said as Stuart made a hasty exit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter everyone! I hope you are still enjoying the story, I really appreciate the feedback, thank you ❤


	27. Fighting with myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's fatigue begins to affect him, he comes face to face with an old accomplice

Callum was barely conscious when his tablets were distributed to him the next day.

"Sit up," said the orderly, he looked around to find that he was back in the room. He swallowed the tablets, breakfast was bought by on the same tray.

He had no appetite so the food just sat on the tray until his therapist entered the room.

* * *

"How are you feeling?" His therapist sat opposite him.

"Tired," he said.

"We are reviewing your medication to a higher dosage, this may cause drowsiness," she said.

"Ok," he said.

"Did you suffer any Hallucinations last night?" She said.

"I don't remember," Callum said.

"Are you not hungry?' She asked, noticing the cold food.

"I feel sick, can't keep it down, I'm sorry," he said.

"We'll try a little later," the therapist stood up. "We will make you well." Were her parting words as she left, the tray was removed a little while after.

"I don't think he's in the right state for a session today, I'll see how he is tomorrow," said the therapist to the orderly.

* * *

"They've given up on you," Keanu said, Callum lay down on the bed. 

"You can't ignore me, I live in your head."

"Why me? Why do you haunt me?" Callum asked.

"You are just like me, a semi decent bloke who got in bed with the wrong people. Ben doesn't care about you just like Louise didn't care about me," Keanu said.

"It's different with Ben, he loves me," Callum said.

"Until Phil beckons him. I wouldn't be surprised if they've fitted you up with my murder, already," Keanu said.

"That was my fault, I sent them men after you," Callum said.

"I died on the Thames mate, the rest was fictitious delusions made by your sickly mind." Keanu said.

"You're a hallucination, how would you know that?"

"I come from your subconscious mate, you tell me." Callum looked at the ceiling. He felt sick, the feeling rose. 

"I called the number asked Tubbs to send people after you," Callum said shortly before the sick feeling took substance in his throat.  
He rushed over to the toilet and vomited, a hefty amount.

"That may be, maybe you should ask Ben what really happened, the way I see it. You are in here and he's free out there," Keanu said.

* * *

Ben was walking home from the cafe when a man pushed him against the wall.

"Woah," Ben said, almost dropping his coffee.

"What has he told them?" Tubbs said.

"You're going to have speak up, mate?" Ben loosened Tubbs grip from around his neck.

"Your boyfriend what has he told them? About Keanu?"

"Keanu?" Ben said.

"Fuck this," Tubbs began typing on his phone.

> _'Callum contacted me to track down Keanu, I set a couple of guys on it. Nothing major, I've just heard he's dead? He's a boy in blue ain't he? If he's set me up'_

Ben scanned through the words.

"I thought he was imaging it," Ben said. "You donut why would you actually send guys after him!"

"I thought it had come from you," Tubbs said, Ben didn't hear him.

"You'd better make sure your guys have their stories straight," Ben said.

"Where is he?" Tubbs asked.

"He's currently out the picture mate, anyway the old bill will come after my Dad first," Ben said.

"Why? What did Phil have to do with this?" Tubbs said.

"I'm not responsible for what my Dad does and doesn't tell them, Was there anything else?" Ben said. 

"This ain't over," Tubbs said and walked away.

* * *

Ben proceeded to go into the house, Lola was sitting at the table.

"Don't you have a job?" He asked her sarcastically.

"Charming," she said as he headed upstairs. Ben sat on his bed. He had no fear of Tubbs but he did fear Callum's involvement in this. 

> '_I'm sorry, I'll say it every day if I have to'_
> 
> _'By the way my operation date came up its soon, I hope you'll be there, I expect you won't be'_
> 
> _'Lola is back living here, she's explained to Lexi that you weren't yourself," _
> 
> _'I'm waiting for you, I miss my living alarm clock, I miss you,'_

Although he knew that Callum didn't have his phone on him in the facility, it comforted him to have these oneway conversations. He texted Callum multiple times in a day, if not only just to say 'Good morning' or 'Goodnight' before he went ot bed. Besides if he didn't see him before the operation, at least Callum would still be in the loop.

* * *

Callum sat in his room, he was hunched by the toilet. Keanu was still there.

"You're wrong, Ben's just broken especially with all he's going through," Callum said.

He ignored Keanu as the door opened and the orderly walked in.

"Are you ok?" She knelt beside him.

"Might be something I ate," Callum said.

"Joker," she said, "it's time for your medication."

"Didn't I just take this?" He asked.

"This one is to try and combat the sickness so you can eat something."

"Why am I feeling so sick?" He asked.

"Might be a reaction to the higher dosage of pill, we'll keep an eye on you," she said. Callum swallowed the pill and she left as abruptly as she had entered.

"I don't think they'll ever let me out of here," he said 

"And what do you have to go back to?" Keanu said. Callum looked at him.

"Everything, I've got Ben, Stuart, a family," Callum said.

"A Schizophrenic, Phil probably thinks he's hit the jackpot." Callum was tired of arguing, he lay down on the bed.

"I really don't want to be here either mate, but thanks to your potential family in law, I am."

"I know, I'm sorry that this happened to you, I can't apologise enough but destroying my life ain't going to bring you back," Callum said.

"I'm a figment of your mind, if you don't want to see me, then don't."

"I can't seem to get rid of you is the problem."

"Probably because you still feel guilty," Keanu said, he was sitting on the edge of the bed.

Callum exhaled, he closed his eyes.

* * *

Ben couldn't sleep that night, he had been almost completely existing on caffeine as a substitute for sleep over the past few days.

As he turned on the TV , hoping to see some tedious sewing competition or something equally mind numbing. Most of the channels were shopping commercials at this hour. He found one channel of programming.

It was a murder programme analysing the horrific murders of six people. He felt his eyes numbing, some of the subtitles flew by too fast for him to read. He didnt switch over, despite the remote being in his hand ready.

'_He was a dangerous man, suffering from severe untreated Schizophrenia. He was unable to comprehend any reality. Unwashed and disoriented, he lured his victims at night.'_ The American officer explained.

'_He was a truly sick man, one of the most upsetting cases I'd seen. He killed six people' _It cut to a woman with long blonde hair, she was a witness.

A photo of an unshaven man appeared between interviews. A short film, a break down of the murder was narrated over.

'_Richard Chase was known as the "Vampire of Sacramento", a delusional individual_'. 

The unshaven man turned around to face Ben, it was Callum, he looked at Ben, walking closer towards the front of the screen.

Ben pressed sporadic numbers on the remote, it didnt work, the ghostly figure got closer. The TV turned off. He rubbed his eyes and climbed into bed. That hadn't helped at all and he just felt more tense as he lay in bed.

* * *

Callum awoke the next morning feeling dizzy and heavy headed. He strained his eyes to look around the room, he was alone.

A tray of dinner was on the table, assumendly from yesterday. He climbed out of bed and headed to the toilet where he vomited pure bile.

The orderly came in, the pills in a paper cup.

"Mr Highway?" She placed her hand on his shoulder. He couldn't stand up, the room was spinning. She passed him a cup of water. Beadles of sweat glistened on his forehead. 

"Can you hear me?" She asked, checking his pulse.

"Um, I'll be ok, just woke up funny," he said

She was not convinced 


	28. I know that I hurt you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum's condition worsens as he trie to go about as normal.

Despite Callum's sickness, he still insisted that he attend therapy that day.

"I need to get well," he said as he stumbled down the hallway. He reached the room and found the therapist at her desk, she was not expecting him.

"Good morning, I was just coming to check on you," she said, concerned by his appearance.

"Morning," he sat down, carefully holding onto the arms of the chair to steady himself.

"Are you ok?" She asked.

"Yeah just feeling a little under the weather," Callum said.

"We can suspend sessions until you feel better?"

"Naah I need to get better so I can get back home," he said.

"It doesn't work like that Callum, you do need to be able to respond to therapy, sometimes it takes a little longer."

"I'm ok," he said.

"Did you bring your journal?" She said.

"Shit," he huffed.

"I think we should postpone until tomorrow, " she said.

"No no I want to."

"Let me get you checked over, I have a duty of care," she said. 

* * *

He k we he wouldn't win the arguemen, he stood up and was lead back to his room.

"I'll have someone come by and check you over, get some rest," she said as he parted.

Callum suffered double vision and barely made it back to his room.

"I'll send someone in," said the orderly. 

Callum lay down on the bed, he was overheating his head pounded.

* * *

A few moments later, a doctor walked into the room. Callum was still laying on the bed.

"Callum, how are you feeling?" She said.

Callum opened his eyes, he saw Ben.

"I'm going to check your pulse," she said, and proceeded to check his blood pressure and a series of other tests. 

"I'm concerned because his pulse is weak, I'm going to send for an ambulance," she said to the orderly.

"Good morning," Callum said, looking up at Ben who stroked his hair.

"You'll be ok, Callum, just a few more minutes," said the resident paramedic, he didn't hear her. He was entranced by Ben.

The ambulance arrived a few moments later and the paramedic placed an oxygen mask over his mouth. Ben disappeared as the mask was attached

"Where'd you go?" He said, his voice raspy. 

He was placed on a stretcher and carried to the back of the ambulance. He closed his eyes, everything went quiet.

* * *

Stuart was eating lunch when the phone rang.

"Hello?" He said.

"Mr Highway, I'm calling to inform you that your brother was admitted to A&E a few hours ago," said the soft voice.

"Ok, I'll be right there," Stuart didn't waste time on questions that she wouldn't answer. Instead he stood up and headed over to the Mitchell house.

Ben opened the door, "What's wrong?" He asked.

"Callum's in hospital," Stuart said, Ben climbed into the car and they headed to A&E.

* * *

As they reached the desk, the woman was incredibly helpful and directed them to the bed where Callum was being treated. They walked in and saw him, he was semi-conscious, a breathing tube resting beneath his nose, a drip was attached to his forearm.

Stuart didn't say anything, he leaned in to hug Callum. Callum looked confused.

"Stuart is that you?" He asked.

"It is," Stuart said.

"It's not a trick is it?" Callum asked, concerned 

Stuart didn't respond, he sat beside Callum. "What happened mate? Thought you were meant to get better in the hospital?" 

"Yeah you'd think so," Callum said, he looked over at Ben who stood by the door. Ben walked over to him and grasped his hand, it was cold, bruised from where the needle had been inserted.

"I didn't expect to see you," Callum said, Ben didn't hear him but kissed him on the forehead. He didn't day anything 

* * *

The nurse walked in a little while later.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, "You look better," she said.

"I feel better," he said.

"What caused it doc?" Asked Stuart.

"It would appear that your brother suffered quite a severe reaction to the anti psychotic medication, the higher dosage must be taken with food and because of the sickness you didn't," she said "We intend to keep him overnight for obs, and we'll get your fluids up, I expect you'll go back to the hospital afterwards?" She said.

"You don't want to go back there?" Stuart said.

"I have to get well, besides I'm not hurting anyone there, am I?" Callum said.

"Bruv I can't bare the thought of you in there," Stuart said.

"It's not like the movies, Stu, ain't no nurse ratchet patrolling the patients," Callum chuckled, he turned to Ben.

"How are you coping?" He asked Ben.

"Hm? I'm fine babe, you gave us such a fright, stop making a habit of that," he said. 

"I'll go get some hot drinks," Ben said and stood up, he didn't ask what or if they wanted any, he simply left.

* * *

"Is he ok?" Callum asked.

"Just worried," Stuart said.

"I'm sorry," Callum said.

"For what?"

"For all of this, being the reason you had to stay with Dad, I wouldn't blame you if you were sick of the sight of me," Callums said, teary eyed.

"What are you talking about? I don't blame you for anything, if anything I should apologise, should have gotten you out of there, when she died I should have found us somewhere far from him," Stuart said.

"How are things on the square, with the Taylor's and that?" Callum asked.

"Nothing has changed Bruv, Karen took the baby and left and the rest they are just there, nothing for you to worry about," he said.

"Good," Callum said.

"So how long do you reckon you'll be in that place?" Stuart asked. Callum shrugged. "Until I'm better," he said.

* * *

Ben walked back into the room, with three paper cups of coffee.

"From the machine, not sure how good they'll be" he said and lay the cups on the table.

"What aren't you telling me?" Callum asked Ben. Stuart excused himself to call Rainie. 

"What?" Ben asked, he couldn't make out any of what Callum was saying. He took a pen from the table and shakily scribbled a note down on the back of a leaflet.

'_What's going on?'_ It said.

Ben looked at it, his brow furrowed.

He wanted to unload all of his anxiety onto Callum, about the operation, the ongoing investigation but instead he said, "Just not sleeping."

Callum knew he was lying but didn't have the energy to fight. Ben stroked his hair.

"You'll be ok," Ben whispered.

"Will you wait for me?" Callum asked, Ben didn't hear him, he just said. "I love you."

* * *

The next day, Callum was taken back to the hospital, Stuart drove him. He was escorted back to the isolated room, his therapist visited him. That night he slept peacefully, whether it was because of the medication or not, he felt content.

His medication was re-examined and they altered the pill slightly. He hadn't hallucinated in a whole day but was still distrustful of people, any new face made him nervous.

He was taken to a therapy session that morning, and found it rather productive. He informed her that he hadn't differed any hallucinations and it eased him, perhaps the meds were finally starting to work.

* * *

Ben lay in bed, he felt sorry for himself.

"Daddy!" Lexi ran into him and jumped on the bed.

"Morning, princess," he said.

"Why are you sad daddy?" She asked him, using sign language.

"I'm not sad, darling," he said and said "Why don't we get some breakfast, eh?"

He walked downstairs with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who are reading , I am overwhelmed by how many people are commenting and continuing to read, I hope you enjoy where I take the story.


	29. From my heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum's therapist asks him to write letters.

Callum sat in the therapy session that morning, he felt healthier.

"Good morning," the therapist said.

"Hi," Callum smiled.

"I want to begin today by looking at your journal," she said and he passed it to her.

She opened the book and began flipping through pages.

"I haven't written very much lately," he said. 

She flipped through more pages than he remembered filling, it was disconcerting as he face seemed to fall.

"Ok, have you experienced any hallucinations lately, Callum?" She asked, her face was unreadable as she closed the book.

"No," he was proud of that.

"That's good, " she said. 

"Yeah I feel much better," he smiled.

"Are you still experiencing negative thoughts?" She asked.

"Not as frequently, I do sometimes feel anxious," he said.

"Anxious? Can you expand on that?" She asked.

"I just find myself worrying that if I ever get out of here, I won't have somewhere to go back to," he said.

"What makes you think that?"

"When I was in the hospital, I saw how they looked at me, Stuart in particular he looked tired worn out," he said.

"Most likely from stress, he runs a business, you say?"

"Yeah he does but it don't help worrying about me additionally," Callum said.

"I have three younger sisters and I worry about them, despite the fact that they are living their lives," the therapist said.

"It's different isn't it?" He said.

"Not really, you wrote yesterday in here that you fear _he_ is listening?" She looked at the journal, handling it as though it was a precious artifact.

"I don't remember writing that?" Callum was puzzled.

"Ok, it also says that you believe they are trying to get you, they don't want me to leave," she read out. 

"I'm sorry, I don't remember any of that, the last time I heard that was Roy but he hasn't been around in a while," Callum said.

"Ok, so do you think you might be writing this unconsciously?" She asked.

"No, I'm getting better, I'm in control now?" He said growing more aware of his surroundings, it was as though the walls were vibrating.

"Callum, it's ok, it may just be that you don't remember this, might have been recorded in a semi conscious state."

"I thought I weren't going to see them anymore, the meds they've got to work," he said.

"It takes time. I have a little homework today for you, I want you to write letters to three people in your life, it might be people you know now or have known," she said.

"Ok," Callum said and stood up, taking back the journal and heading to his room.

* * *

He sat on the bed, the pen between his fingers.

"I thought you'd gone," he said as he saw a shadowy figure next to him. It was silent this time. Keanu just stood there, his mouth moved but no words.

Callum had written down the names, Dad, Stuart and Ben, he had written another name, Chris but felt weird about it.

Three names she instructed he write.

* * *

"What the hell am I supposed to say?" Callums said.

"Why don't you write some poetry, puff?" His Dad said, he was standing in front of him.

"Guess you ain't muted then?" Callum said.

"Poof, poof, fairy godmother," he said.

Callum looked down to the paper, his hand was shaking.

"A man who tried to hurt himself just so he wouldn't have to go back to fight for his country, traitor!" Jonno said.

> 'Dad,   
You will never know exactly how you hurt me, you're incapable of knowing.'

"Face me like a man, you'd like that wouldn't you?" Jonno said.

> 'You gave me no other choice but to join the army. You abused me psychology but you don't have that power anymore. I'm a grown man, a gay man you have no power in my life anymore.'

"Son I raised you and you leave me out to dry, you're a weak man!" Jonno got louder.

"I'm not weak Dad, you are, you are a sad pathetic little man, if you didn't want us then why did you have us?" Callum stood up, his Dad laughed.

"A strong man doesn't argue with his imaginary friends," Jonno said.

"A strong man also doesn't abuse his children, his wife." Callum said. Jonno was silent, as Callum shakily wrote this down.

"I'm sorry son, sorry that whatever I did turned you into such a fairy boy," Jonno laughed. 

"I'm not listening to you," Callum said, desperately trying to remember his words over the irritating chatter of his Dad.

He looked up to find he was gone, the room was empty once more.

* * *

The next page he began with the name, Ben, he felt he couldn't find the words for Stuart that he hadn't already said to the therapist.

> 'Ben   
I love you but I can't bare to see what this has done to you. Sometimes I do wish you hadn't found me lying there, wished you hadn't seen me on that swing or introduced yourself at the pub. My life would have been easier if I hadn't fallen in love with you. I take second best to your family, I know that but I don't know how many more fights I can weather, I'

"I'm sorry," Ben said, he was sitting on the bed beside Callum, his hand on his back he wore the red suit from the wedidng, his face beaten.

"Sorry, how many times do I have to hear that, hold you while you break down?" Callum said "Look where I wound up?"

"I'm sorry, don't leave me," tears rolled down Ben's face.

"I've given you all I had. You made me see who I am, you also were the reason I got kidnapped, the reason I almost died," Callum continued.

"No,no," Ben cried, louder.

"I know you are hurting and we all have to try a little harder to adjust. I'm never going to be Paul, am I?"

"I love you," Ben said "I need you!" 

"My brother beat the shit out of you, my Dad too, why do you stay with me?"

"I'll make a Mitchell out of you, yet," Ben smiled.

"I remember that suit, you almost died that day, for me to be with me," he said. 

"You're sincere, you make me want to be better," Ben said.

"But what do I get? A relationship has to have two sides," Callum said, he placed his hand on Ben's face.

"You get to say you are dating the most sexy man on the square?" Ben smirked.

"I don't know that its enough anymore," Callum said, he scribbled the words down. "Humour can't be the remedy for everything."

"I love you Ben, but maybe I need more?" As he said this, he felt a giant pit in his stomach. An anxiety, overwhelmed him, he didn't want to think that way, he loved Ben. Subconsciously he began to doubt himself.

"I just wished I'd known what I was getting into."

"We went through it though, can't we just enjoy ourselves?" Ben asked.

"I'm not enjoying myself though am I? I'm here, probably go back to working in the parlour, I'm nothing."

"You ain't nothing to me," Ben said.

* * *

The final name was meant to be Stuart but he found himself writing Chris. Chris had been his friend in the army, his first crush really.

> 'Chris,
> 
> This is hard, I don't know what to say, I don't know why you even found your way into my mind. I guess you're always in there aren't you?  
I wish I'd seen you before you died, or had the courage to open up when I was with you. When I was asked to come back to the army I felt sick, fear overcame me.'

"I didn't go back either, you know," a familiar voice appeared before him. Tears ran down Callum's cheeks as he closed his eyes. A hand lifted his head and crouched before him

"It's ok," said Chris, he looked exactly how Callum remembered him, in his army uniform.

"I couldn't face it. I even tried to hurt myself so I'd have a reason not to go back," he said.

"I guess neither of us were ready, were we?" Chris said.

"I didn't have the courage to be myself, cared too much what people think, still do," Callum said.

"There was a few other's, after you." Chris said, a smile spread across his face. "Quite a few," he smirked.

"I still didn't come out, I died a straight man to my family, I wonder if they guessed?" Chris asked.

"Your sister knew, she passed me the letters, ones you wrote to me, H, she guessed it," Callum said.

"I wished you'd made your move, wished you'd allowed yourself to fall in love with me," Chris said. "I can't do anything now though, can I?" He said.

"No, I guess not." Callum felt melancholic.

"Never forget me?" Chris said.

"I wished I'd loved you, wished I'd acted on my feelings," Callum said.

"I understand, mate. I do," Chris said, leaning in to Callum's face. "You weren't ready, I weren't neither."

"Thank you," Chris said.

"For what?"

"Remembering me," he smiled.

* * *

Callum scribbled this down and lay back on his bed, he felt emotionally exhausted.

"Don't I get a letter?" He heard Keanu.

Callum turned away from the voice and closed his eyes. He struggled to sleep that night, staring at the ceiling. There was a scratching sound coming from the other side of the wall, it kept him up. 


	30. I think you'll be fine . Hang on and you'll see

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben looks online at cochlear implants stories

Callum felt a cold draft, feeling around the ledge trying to find an exit. His breath escaped before him as he stepped further. The darkness made everywhere look familiar in that dirty old warehouse. Navigating each step he felt the ground disappear.

He fell, as he hit the cold floor he jolted awake. Sitting up to find he was drenched in sweat. In silence he looked around his room, the familiar feel of the bumpy mattress beneath him.

* * *

On the square, Ben found himself tangled in online web forums. His head pounded as he scrolled through cochlear implant forums and warnings and side effects. It was as though his head might burst as he continued reading.  
Shock stories and mistaken surgeries were amongst tales of success and fables of warnings. Unsure of how long he had been sitting there, he closed the laptop screen.

Lola was out, Lexi was at school so Ben found himself with an abundance of free time. He sat on the sofa, the closed laptop at his side.

* * *

Phil had let himself in and walked into the living room.

"Ff what are you doing here?" Ben jumped as his Dad walked into the room.

"I told you I wasn't interested in your schemes," Ben said.

"I'm sorry son," Phil said but Ben didn't hear him, the words were drowned out by the sea of white noise.

"Dad I can't hear you," Ben said.

"I'm sorry," Phil spoke clearer this time and Ben caught what he was saying.

"I was upset about Dennis and well I don't want to lose you en' all," Phil said.

"I'm not going to set up Callum," Ben said.

"I know, and I'm not either, he's good for you," Phil said, Ben picked up on most of what was being said. "He makes you happy and well I'm happy for you."

Ben looked at his Dad, suspicious of his sudden personality change.

"I've been thinking I want to get you back to hearing quicker, I want to pay for you to go private, have the surgery," Phil said.

"Private? Dad the operation is in five days, you can't throw money at this," Ben said.

"It's that soon?" Phil was shocked.

"And it might not work, either," Ben said. Phil looked him, a sudden and overwhelming dread rose in his stomach.

"How is Callum?" Phil asked, changing the subject.

"Callum? I don't think he's going to be out by the surgery date," Ben said.

"He might be, I mean it shouldn't take long to straighten him out, that ain't homophobic is it?" Phil asked, Ben missed most of what he said so was unable to comment.

"And then theres the issue of if he'll even want to be with me when it's all over," Ben said.

"Why wouldn't he?"

"I've put him through hell, ain't I?" Ben said, "If I was him, I'm not sure I'd want to go back to that."

Phil looked over at Ben. "Callum seems like a strong lad, if he didn't want to be with ya, I don't think he'd have stuck it out this long, must be something in it." Phil said.

Ben was unsure. 

"I'll make you a cup of tea," Phil stood up and walked over to the kitchen.

* * *

Ben sat on the sofa, he felt anxious and upset. Callum had no reason to come back to him and that frightened him.

Phil left a little while later, neither of them were big talkers in the happiest of times, social interacting was never Phil's strong point.

* * *

Still sat on the sofa, the cold half drank tea on the table, Ben looked at his phone, scrolling through the contacts he found Frankie. He hadn't had the chance to give her number to Callum. Hovering over the name, he composed a text.

'_Hi it's Ben, Callums Boyfriend, don't suppose you are free I could really do with a friendly ear'_ he clicked send and immediately started to panic.

"Shit," he said, reviewing the unfortunate turn of phrase.

'_Sorry, sorry I mean... I just wondered can we errr'_ before he could send the poor excuse of an apology, a response popped up.

'_Sure, I have group now but can meet after? Coffee.' _Was it Thursday already? Ben thought realising he didn't remember the last time he'd showered or even left the house since the hospital.

He inhaled in terror and exhaled in relief at the thought of meeting her. 

* * *

Callum sat before the therapist that morning, he felt low.

"So, Callum how are things?" She asked.

"Not great, I've been having vivid nightmares again," he said.

"That will happen, it's a common side effect of the medication," she said, "Would you like to tell me about the nightmares?"

"Naah, it ain't nothing I haven't seen before," he said.

"I've been reviewing your progress and have considered moving you back to a shared room, how do you feel about that?"

He looked at her. "I'm not sure, what if I relapse again?"

"Just something to ponder then, at the moment," she smiled.

He sat opposite her, not knowing the date or time, the whole experience has molded into one. The thought of being, once again, amongst similarly vulnerable people frightened him. It unnerved him as he had no control over his reactions.

That night he wrote, once more in the journal


	31. We all are a little older

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the surgery gets closer, Callum is moved from isolation

Ben walked towards the coffee shop, Frankie was standing outside. She smiled as he approached.

"Ready?" She asked, they walked in.

Finding a table, she ordered two coffees and sat opposite him.   
"So what's on your mind?" She asked. He looked blankly at her and she indicated to her phone.

'_What did you want to talk about?'_ She typed.

'_I'm scared, I am having a cochlear implant operation in a few days and I'm scared.'_

The coffees were placed on the table, "You know, normally you talk face to face when you meet someone," the smug barista commented.

"Thank you," Frankie said as the coffees were placed down, she had little interest in what he had said .

'_Thats a good thing? Isn't it? Means you might hear?'_ She typed. He read the text and she sent another message.

'_How's Callum?_' It read. Ben hesitated.

'_He's still in there,_' Ben responded.

'_That's not what I asked_,' she typed.

'_I don't know how he is, he isn't having visitors,_' he typed.

'_Will he be out by the surgery date?_'

'_No_,' Ben typed.

'_You are going to need someone there_.' She typed.

'_My Dad, I suppose_,' he typed.

'_Are you not worried about it?'_ She typed. _'If it were me I'd have planned out the entire thing by now.' _

'_I just didn't think any of this would happen'_.

'_Have you learnt sign language? Lip reading, it makes it easier_,' she typed.

He looked up at her and placed the phone on the table.

"I can pick up a little when people speak slowly but that's about it."

She watched his lips and said, "That's why you need to learn and practice." She smiled.

"You need to make sure someone is with you when you go for the op," she spoke slowly, Ben tried hard to understand her.

"I know and I will, I have a mate, I'll ask him." Ben said.

"I would offer but I don't drive and my girlfriend, well she is not a people person," Frankie laughed.

* * *

Callum was called in to talk to the therapist for a second time that day, he was hesitant as he wandered into the office.

"You alright?" He asked.

"Yes, everything thing is fine. I just want to discuss further the idea of moving you from isolation, you see I think it would be a good step towards your recovery."

"I don't know," he said.

"It would be good, as a trial to see how you exist amongst the others as when you get out there, we will no longer be able to watch," she said pointing to the window.. "And I guarantee you there are more people out there then in that tiny room." 

"Do I have a choice." Callum asked

"Ofcourse but I think you are ready," she said.

"Ok," he said, growing more uncomfortable with each word. 

"I shall arrange that then," she said, "The orderlies will be able to help you, don't forget that," she smiled.

"We are hear to help you."

* * *

Stuart was sitting in Walford East, on a date with Rainie. 

"Thank you for being here, through all of it," he said. She reached out for his hand.

"Babe it's what I'm here for," she said. Lola walked into the restaurant with Lexi, she saw them.

"You alright?" Stuart called out and she walked over.

"Do you want to join us?" Rainie said, much to Stuart's surprise.

"Yeah, I'm just treating this one, things are a bit tense at home," Lola said and they sat down. She wandered over to the bar to order, leaving Lexi at the table.

* * *

"You alright darling?" Rainie said as Lexi seemed down.

"Yeah, mommy's not though. Think she's scared about the operation," she said.

"That's not for a while is it?" Stuart asked.

Lexi didn't answer, she coloured in the children's menu with the small pack of crayons.

* * *

Lola returned with the drinks, she looked puzzled.

"What?" She said.

"When's Ben's op, Lo?" Stuart asked.

"What have I told you about listening to adult conversations?" She turned to Lexi who shrugged.

"In a few days, it's pretty routine," she said. "It's not my place to tell people."

"Ok, well give him luck from us, yeah?" Rainie said, she could see Stuart struggling to find an answer.

"Yeah." She said.

"Who's taking him?" Stuart asked.

"I guess Phil, maybe Jay. He ain't really talking about it," Stuart looked over at Rainie. 

"Well shouldn't he have figured this out by now?" He asked.

"Stu that's his business ok, I came here to get away from all that. Anyway hows Callum?" She asked.

* * *

Ben thanked Frankie for the coffee and felt a little better after the encounter. She had advised him on some classes that he could take, and asked that he send Callum her regards. 

Ben intended to text Jay and ask if he'd drive him to the hospital. Hesitant he mentally composed the message in his mind, things had been awkward between Jay and Lola lately.

He walked back to the house, to find Phil waiting for him. He was sitting in the Kitchen.

* * *

"Rain, why wouldn't he tell me that the op was that close" Stuart said.

"Because it ain't any of our business," she said.

"I guess your right but he's with my brother," Stuart said, a little disheartened by not being in the loop.

"Callum is your priority, besides Ben's probably nervous enough," Rainie said.

"Shall we make the most of an empty flat?" Rainie took Stuart's hand.

"Yeah, babe," Stuart said and kissed her.

* * *

Callum was moved to the shared room, there were six beds lined up next to one another with a three feet gap between each. He was uncomfortable as he sat down on the middle bed, it was the only one that appeared to be freshly made. The beige duvet and single cushion were neat. Besides it was the only bed that didn't already have someone on.

* * *

As he sat down the man beside him spoke.

"What you in for?" He asked. Callum panicked, yet maintained an outwardly calm persona.

"Oh you know, being crazy," he said and chuckled.

Ain't we all, fella," the man said and continued flicking through his magazine.

Callum lay down and tried to sleep, it was getting late and he needed to show them that he was able to co-exist among the other patients.

He heard scratching, an irritating growl from the walls. It was pitch black in there, the only light coming from a small flickering bulb in the hallway when someone walked past.

Callum buried his head and tried to ignore the noise. It got louder, he began to feel nauseous as the sound began to penetrate his eardrums. It was like a bone being chipped away bit by bit. It was unavoidable.

His journal sat on the desk beside him, he could barely see the outline of it. It raised as though a chest opening, a creak came from within the hardback book as it breathed and groaned. It rattled as its breath weakened.

In therapy he had learnt to visualise, to imagine something to help him control the delusion. He squeezed his eyes shut unable to focus on one thing.

"It'll be ok," he heard a familiar voice. Callum turned around and lay on his back. He saw Ben laying beside him, his fingers stroking Callum's hair. Callum stared at him for a moment.

"Go to sleep," Ben whispered, Callum was walm, comfortable. His mind had conjured up an artifice to defend against the visions. He lay there buried in the vision of Ben. It didn't matter that it wasn't real.

He fell asleep a little while after.


	32. Just a short update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short chapter today, a filler in chapter that could of formed at the end of yesterday's update. 
> 
> Thank you for reading

Ben sat opposite Phil in the kitchen. 

"You alright?" Phil said.

"What's going on Dad?" Ben asked.

"Who's taking you for the surgery?" Phil asked.

"I don't know, " Ben said, he watched his Dad's lips, Phil was talking slower than normal.

"I could take you," Phil said.

"I was going to ask Jay, but things are a little tough for him at the minute so.." Ben trailed off while Phil was mid sentence.

"I'll take you," Phil said.

"Thanks," Ben said, the dramatics seemed mismatched with the simple favour that was being asked. Phil looked perplexed, something else was troubling him.

"How are you feeling, about it?" Phil asked.

"Nervous," Ben said. "Dad is something wrong?"

"Naah everything's fine, I'll see you later," Phil stood up and walked out of the back door.

* * *

Callum sat in the shared room, it was quiet. Apart from the occasional chatter of the man three beds away, he suffered terrible nightmares and often would scream in the middle of the night. In the day he would converse at great length with himself.

Callum's therapist was running late that day so he sat there a little longer than he normally would. Eventually the orderly arrived to take him to the meeting room.

"Good afternoon," the therapist said.

"Hello," Callum said, she looked winded and disorganised.

"Are you alright?" He asked her.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Hey aren't I supposed to ask you the questions?" She said, as she gathered her papers and unbuttoned her jacket she turned to Callum. The armpits of her shirt had sweated through, she fanned herself with paper. 

"Right. So Callum how are you?"

"I'm ok, yeah spent my first night at the shared room and nothing happened," he said.

"I told you that you were ready, so have you suffered any hallucinations or unusual encounters?" She asked.

"No," he shook his head.

"That's remarkable, I think we should be able to discharge you in a couple of days," she said.

"Look I'm sorry , this isn't professional but as you can see I'm a mess, I need a bath and paracetamol, could I reschedule this for tomorrow?" She said. "I mean unless you have something pressing or dangerous that you need to share, but I think you are pretty low risk at the moment..."

Before she could finish her babbling, Callum interrupted.

"That's not a problem," he said.

"It's just you are the only patient who I see daily so I..."

"It's fine, is there anything you want me to bring tomorrow?" He asked.

"I mean keep updating your journal but that's about it," she said.

"Ok," Callum said and was taken back to the room. That was a strange encounter and one that had left him disorientated.

As he returned to the room, he couldn't help but smile at the premise of being released soon. Even if it had come from a clearly hungover health professional.

It excited him and terrified him as it meant he no longer would be protected by these four walls. It also meant he'd see Ben. 


	33. You are with me like a handprint on my heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day of Ben's surgery- and Callum's release from the facility.

Ben had barely slept the night before, he stared at the alarm, watching the numbers count on until he had to get up.

Today was the day of his surgery, the day he had dreaded. An overwhelming and unavoidable fear overcame him as he climbed out of the empty bed.

The photo of him and Callum was on the bedside drawer, it eased him. He took the photo out of the frame and placed it in his bag. He had hoped to have seen Callum before the operation but it simply was not an option.

Walking over to the shower, Ben tried to calm his panicked heart. He sat at the kitchen table, the bag on the seat next to him.

* * *

"Good luck daddy," Lexi ran into the Kitchen with a homemade card, glitter dripped from the card, speckled remained long after he had displayed the card on the fridge.

"Thank you darling," Ben looked at the card. Lexi was in her school uniform and Lola still wore her dressing gown.

"You alright, Lo?" Ben asked.

Lola offered a thumbs up as she made some coffee. "Good luck today," she said as she slipped on a jacket, her reusable mug of coffee in her hand. She hugged Ben and wished him luck once more.

Ben didn't respond, he sat there. He decided to text Callum.

> '_So, today's the day. I guess you ain't coming out just yet. I'm thinking of you, everyday. I'll see you and hopefully, hear you on the other side of this!'_

* * *

As he looked up from his phone, Phil was walking into the kitchen.

"Morning," he said.

Ben smiled a half smile at him.

> '_My Dad's taking me too, so that's something you'll have to make up to me,_" he sent one more message.

* * *

Stuart sat at the desk in the parlour, he hadn't been able to focus that day on anything. An early bereavement had taken up most of his morning and from then on he was all fingers and thumbs. He spelt things incorrectly and was struggling to compose a simple email. His vision was blurry and he grew irritable.

"Shit!" He had just about given up when his phone vibrated.

"Yeah?" He said.

"Sorry. Good morning," he quickly corrected his abrupt greeting.

"Mr Highway, we are discharging your Brother today, if you'd like to come by to collect him," the receprionst said.

"Ok thank you, yeah I just need to get cover at work and I'll be there," he said and thanked them.

This threw him a little he hadn't heard anything from them in a while.

"Rain, can you cover me please," he called out.

"What's wrong babe?" She walked into the office, she was in the middle of flower arranging.

"He's coming out, they just called me," stuart said and pulleddln his jacket.

* * *

Ben was laying in the hospital bed, minutes away from his surgery. He stared at the ceiling, it was a routine procedure but still terrifying.

"I'm scared," he said as he lay there, the tests had been performed and they were merely waiting now for him to be taken into the theatre. 

Phil placed his hand on Ben's shoulder. The nurse walked in, "We're ready," she said and Ben was taken into operating theater.

Phil waited in the relatives room.

* * *

As Stuart arrived at the facility he climbed out of his car and walked over to the reception desk. 

"I'm here to collect my Brother," he said. 

Within minutes Callum walked through the door, his hair was messy and he had a stubbly chin.

Stuart hugged him. Callum was given a collection of leaflets, a prescription form and some other varying outpatient letters. He signed something, then marked something else and finally he could leave.

"I'm so glad to see you, Stu" Callum said and they walked out through the automatic doors. 

"How you feeling?" Stuart asked and they climbed into the car, "You certainly look better than you did a when I last saw you," Stuart said.

"I feel better, mate. Is Ben ok?" He asked. "Thought he'd atleast come to collect me," Callum said.

"He's having his operation today," Stuart said.

* * *

As they proceeded with the surgery, they made the incision into the back of his ear.They had shaved a bit of the hair to get access and were now going to insert the implant. 

There was slightly more blood than they expected and the surgeon demanded that they begin to blot the blood flow, unsure of where it was coming from.

* * *

"Stu, can you take me there, something doesn't feel right," Callum said and Stuart began to drive towards the hospital.

Callum felt funny a feeling. Uncertainty overcame him as they headed to the hospital.

* * *

"He's losing a lot of blood," said the surgeon as the seemingly routine surgery took an uncertain turn. They desperately tried to suppress the blood.

It was unsettling as the monitors began to beep.

* * *

"Alright, Phil," Callum said as he joined him in the relatives room. Phil was glad and surprised to see him.

"Alright?" He said.

Stuart sat down, "How long has he been in for?" He asked.

"About two hours." Phil said.

"Are you feeling ok?" Phil asked Callum.

"I feel better than I have done in ages mate," Callum said.

"He'll be glad to see you," Phil said.

Callum still felt uncertain, it was like a tugging in his stomach. 

The surgeons rushed to suppress the bleeding


	34. I'll be here to remind you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum grows more anxious as they wait for news.

Callum sat in the waiting room, Ben had been in surgery for five hours now and they were starting to get worried. Callum sat with his head in hands.

"It shouldn't be taking this long," Stuart said.

"Somethings wrong," Callum said.

He could hear something the scratching sound as though it was erupting through his eardrums.

* * *

Callum stood up, "I'm just nipping the loo," he said and walked down the hall to the toilets. As he entered the narrow toilet, he locked the door behind him. The mirror stood before him. He could hear whispers. 

"Maybe you're too late," The voice said. Callum rushed back to the relatives room to find a nurse talking to Phil 

* * *

"Mr Mitchell?" She said as Callum walked in.

"You alright?" Stuart said to Callum, Callum ignored him and stood next to Phil.

"Is he family?" The nurse said.

"He is," Phil said.

"There was a minor setback in the surgery, triggered by quite a significant bleed. However we managed to stop the bleeding and successfully insert the implant." She said.

"Did it work?" Phil asked.

"We won't know until he wakes up," she said.

"Can we see him?" Callum asked.

"Yes, if you'd like to follow me," she said.

"Do you need me to wait, bruv?" Stuart asked as he stood before Callum.

"No, you don't have to, thank you Stu, for not giving up on me," Callum said.

"I'll never give up on you," Stuart said and they hugged. 

* * *

Callum caught up with Phil as they walked down the hallway and into the room.

"He'll probably be groggy as he comes round from the anesthesia," the nurse said as they walked into his room. 

Ben was laying in the bed, his eyes closed. There was a small dressing on the side of his head and it was partially shaven.

"How will we know, if it worked?" Callum asked.

"He'll be able to hear us," Phil said. He was equally as anxious as Callum but tried to maintain a calm exterior.

"We need to be prepared for the possibility that it didn't," Callum said.

"I don't know what I'll do if it didn't," Phil said.

"We'll go on as before it'll just be the new normal, I guess." 

"I don't know if I could handle that," Phil said.

"There would be little choiceeif you wanted to stay in his life," Callum said.

"You're good for him, I don't think I've ever told you before but thank you, for staying with him," Phil said.

* * *

They sat for a while and sure enough the anaesthesia began to wear off. Callum was stroking Ben's hand. 

"Hi," Callum said as Ben opened his eyes.

"Are you really here?" Ben asked.

Callum looked at him, a smile spread across his face.

"How do you feel?" Phil asked.

Ben stopped, a tear in his eye.

"What did you say?" He asked.

"I asked if you were ok?" Phil asked again. Tears streamed down Ben's face.

"I heard you," Ben said and looked at Callum.

Callum leaned over to kiss Ben. 

"I love you," Callum said. 

"I've waited a long time to hear that" Ben said. "I love you."

"You'll be sick of hearing because I'll tell you everyday," Callum said.

"I'm sorry, for all that happened, with Keanu with everything..." Ben began and Callum stopped him with a kiss.

"It actually worked," Ben said, surprised with his sudden return to hearing.

"It did," Callum said.

"I didn't think I'd ever hear you again," Ben said, they were both in tears.

"When did you get out?" Ben asked Callum.

"Today," Callum said.

"It's a long story," Callum said.

"And I want to hear every bit of it," Ben said.

"Son, I'm proud of you," Phil said and hugged Ben. After a while Phil left, "Will you be alright getting home?" He asked Callum.

"Yeah thanks mate," Callum said.

* * *

"So, what now?" Ben asked as Callum sat beside him, he was stroking Callum's hair.

"We start over," Callum said.

"I didn't think you'd come back, I thought you'd leave me," Ben said.

"I mean you have no reason to stay with me, everything I've put you through," Ben said.

"I think we've learned that we are stronger together besides I can't imagine ever finding someone else," he said. Ben was crying.

"But then again with that haircut? I don't know," Callum joked at the shaven patch on the side of Ben's face.

"You still love me," Ben smirked.

"I'd still do you in a heartbeat." Callum said.

* * *

Because of the bleed during the surgery, Ben would be kept overnight for observations. Callum headed home sometime that night.


	35. Will you share your life with me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum tries to return to normalcy. Stuart struggles with work.

Ben was discharged a couple of days later. Lexi ran up to him as he climbed out of the car.

"Hey baby," he said as she hugged him.

"Are you better now daddy?" Lexi asked, Ben was still getting used to hearing people. His knee jerk reaction was to read lips still.

"Yes darling!" Ben said.

"I've got to go see Stu," Callum said and kissed Ben.

"Alright be back by 6pm, I have a surprise for you," Ben said. 

"Ok," Callum said and walked over to the parlour.

* * *

As he reached Coker and Mitchell he walked in to find Stuart was fiddling with a pound coin on the desk.

"You alright?" Stuart looked up at him as he walked in.

"Yeah I just felt weird about, you know yesterday," Callum said.

"There's really no need, is Ben ok?" Stuart asked.

"Yeah he's amazing," Callum said.

"That's good," Stuart said. "Listen if you've got a minute, I could make you some tea, I ain't working here anyway," Stuart said.

"Sure," Callum said.

"You will tell me, if you start to go to that dark place, won't you?" Stuart said as he lay the mugs down on the desk.

"What's on your mind Stu?, you seem troubled," Callum said.

"All that time in the clinic has worn off on you, ain't it?" Stuart laughed.

"No, you just seem off," he said.

"I'm trying to propose to Rainie, again and on top of that work is stressful and well everything with you, it weighs you down," Stuart said.

"I've been through less and handled it much worse thought," Stuart said.

"I'm always here if you need an ear," Callum said.

"Hey I'm the elder I'm supposed to he looking after you," Stuart took a sip from his tea.

"I meant it Stu, thank you, you are the only family I've got and I love you," Callum said.

"You doughnut, I love you too," Stuart said.

* * *

  
Time ticked by and Callum walked over to the Mitchell house for the surprise. 

"Military man, huh? Time keeping is very important," he heard his Father.

"Oi, poof I'm talking to you," his dad's voice got louder.

"You can't hurt me anymore," Callum said.

"Naah he's healed now, ain't he, talking and crying healed his wound, really are a pansy," Jonno continued to badger Callum.

Callum turned around and said "Leave me alone," he was weary to the fact that someone might see him.

* * *

He walked a little brisker as he approached the house, it was as though he was being chased down, the killer behind him. It was as though he was being watched.

Walking through the back door, he saw Ben in the kitchen.

* * *

"You alright?" He was standing over a saucepan.

"Yeah I had a little wobble, it's ok," Callum said.

"You have no excuse not to tell me things now babe, you know that," Ben smirked and Callum wrapped his arms around Ben's waist.

"You'll always have me, remember? I'm like herpes," Ben laughed.

"What a romantic and disgusting thought," Callum laughed and grabbed a beer out of the fridge.

"Don't you have medication to take, babe?" Ben asked.

"Yeah in the morning and the night, this is non alcoholic, I got some in," Callum said.

"Dad will just love that," Ben laughed.

"You don't have to worry about me, Ben, I'm staying strong, I know I have too much to lose," Callum said.

"Just don't forget that I'm here for you," Ben said. 

"Now, you are sexy and smart and I'm lucky to have you but fuck off because I'm cooking!" Ben said. 

"Ooh dirty talk," Callum laughed.

"Yeah, if you're an old woman," Ben said as Callum walked into the living room. It was empty.

* * *

"Where's Lola and Lexi?" Callum called to the kitchen.

"At my mom's," Ben said. 

Callum could see a silhouette behind the window, it got darker the closer it came, he ignored it. Standing up and walking towards the door.

"Ah, I said sit down, it's just you and me tonight," Ben said and kissed Callum.

"_You can't just push me aside with pills, I'm still here_," Callum heard a whisper and pulled away from Ben.

"Woah, babe?" Ben said.

"Sorry, I heard something," Callum said.

"Do you want to talk?" Ben asked.

"Definitely not," Callum kissed Ben and began to unbutton his shirt. He took Ben's hand and lead him upstairs where they had passionate and energetic sex.

* * *

"Wow!" Ben said as they lay beside one another. "That was amazing!" 

"It's been a while," Callum kissed Ben's hand.

"Hey now I have my hearing back, I can create a safe word!" Ben joked.

"Kinky," Callum smiled. They were both sweaty and out of breath.

* * *

Ben leaned over and retrieved something from the drawer.

"I was going to do this over chicken pasta..."

"Shit is there something in the oven?" Callum said.

"Yeah but we've been up here for like ten minutes so I think we're good!" Ben smiled.

"As I was saying. I love you, we have both been through so much and well I want to go through everything with you, at your side." Ben said.

"I'm crap at sentiments but the point is I want to share my life with you, will you marry me?" Ben asked and opened the ring box.

"Yes," Callum said and kissed Ben. He had not seen this coming, he thought there relationship was on the rocks.

"See, I told you I'd make a Mitchell out of you!" Ben said as they lay nestled in one anothers arms.

Callum put the ring on his finger, it was a thick gold ring that fit perfectly.

* * *

Stuart sat in the Vic, he was tired and irritable after a most unproductive day. 

"I'm looking for Callum Highway," A woman walked up to the bar. She had poorly dyed blond hair that flowed down to her shoulders.

"I ain't see him, darling," Mick said.

Stuart looked up from his orange juice and over at the woman.

"What do you want him for?" He said, the woman turned around to face Stuart and the colour drained from his face.

"I thought you were dead," Stuart said.

"You mean you hoped. For the record I thought you were in prison," she said.

"No I cleaned myself up," Stuart said.

"Good," she said.

"Same again, Mick and a pint of lager," Stuart was shaky.

"Alright mate," Mick said. "I'll bring them over."

"Come on, we'll get a table," Stuart lead the woman over to a circular table gently by the arm. She was wearing a purple jacket and striped trousers.

"Why are you here, Lil?" Stuart asked.

"To see my brother's, mainly Callum because word on the street is that he has gotten in bed with some very bad people."

Mick bought the drinks over.

"Thanks," she said.

"Stu you were meant to look after him," she took a long sip from the pint.

"And you weren't meant to come back," he said. A feeling of fear and relief overcame him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, I am currently toying with the notion of doing a sequel or perhaps just continuing these chapters with the story. I apologise for the misleading chapter numbers as I have in a dilemma as to how to handle the continuation.
> 
> Thank you for the feedback it has been amazing and lovely to see, it has really given me the motivation to keep writing this story


	36. The night she came home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuart talks to Lily

Lily was sitting opposite Stuart in the Vic.

"Is that it then? You just show up and do one when you please?" Stuart asked her.

"If you'd done a better job of looking after him then I wouldn't have to come back," she said.

"Lil he's been through so much lately and I can't imagine you being here will help the matter, he probably don't even remember you."

"I was 15 when I left," Lily said.

"He was eleven, " Stuart said "And had just his Mother." 

Lily finished off her pint "Our Mother."

"I heard from some very bad people that a Callum Highway was trying to track down a man, a Keanu Taylor, I had to come and check it out," she said. 

"What? How?"

"I I don't know but he used his own name for God's sake, he ain't like us, he's too good to belong in that world."

"I didn't know about that," Stuart said.

"No shit, who's Keanu Taylor?" She asked.

"An idiot who also didn't belong in that world," Stuart said.

* * *

"You look tired mate, looks like I've come just in time," she said and stood up to head to the bar.

"Same again darling," Mick said.

"Thank you, Lillian Highway," she held out her hand.

"Mick Carter," he said.

"Who are you then, Stuart's daughter?"

"I like you Mick, no I'm his sister," she said.

"And halfway's then?"

She looked puzzled, "Callum," he said.

"Oh Yeah he's my little brother," Lily said. "Halfway, where's that come from?" She asked.

"Assumedly a nickname from the army," Mick said. 

Lily took the drinks back to the table.

* * *

"Stu I intend to stick around, my wife wants to settle and walford could be that somewhere," she said.

"You're married?" Stuart asked.

"Seven years," Lily said. "I didn't know what I'd be walking into so I left her in the hotel."

"Are you working?" Stuart said.

"I do the odd job here and there," she said.

"I think you know what I meant," Stuart said 

"I keep an eye on that side of things incase I ever need something but no, like you I am a legal upstanding member of society."

"Um ok, so music school didn't work out neither?" He said.

"No it really didn't."

"What does your wife do?"

"A nurse."

"Do you want to crash on my sofa tonight?" Stuart asked.

"Yes please," she said. 

"I'm too tired to deal with this now," Stuart said.

"I can see that, mate," she said. "You tore all your hair out!" She winked.

"Siblings like you and him did that," Stuart smiled a half smile and stood up.

* * *

Lily walked with him to the flat, it was he evening so the funeral parlour was closed. She didn't question him too much as he threw her a blanket and a cushion and allowed her the sofa.

The next morning, over some awfully strong coffee, Stuart told her everything. The kidnapping, the wedding, Callum's illness. Lily drank from the coffee until it was cold, she then abandoned it.

"Who's this?" Rainie asked as she climbed out of the shower.

"Lillian my sister," Stuart said.

"That's an old lady name," Rainie said.

"Mother was a big fan of Lillian harry," Lily shrugged.

"Why is she here?" She turned to Stuart.

"She can speak for herself love," Lily said.

"Why are you here?" Rainie asked.

"To settle down and sort out my family, it would seem they've been led astray," Lily looked Rainie up and down.

"Come on girls, let's get on, " Stuart said. "Behave yourself." He pointed to Lily, she pretended to bite his finger.

"I've got me mincer's on some gaffs round here, love," she said sarcastically to Rainie in a heightened cockney accent.

"Make sure she's gone when I get back," Rainie said and walked into their room.

"She seems nice," Lily smiled.

"Lil, I've missed that thick skin of yours but Rainie well I love her so try and play nice."

* * *

Callum sat beside Ben in bed, they had ignored the alarm and slept in.

"Listen, I was thinking about moving back to the flat," Callum said.

"There's more room here," Ben said.

"Yes but I kind of miss that place, I don't know. Besides I don't know if Phil is that keen on us crowding his house."

"Well if you feel like you can cope with it then I see no reason not to," Ben said "I meant what I said before though, about us getting our own place."

"I know," Callum smiled.

Callum stood up and walked over to the window, he opened the blinds to let the light in.

Ben imitated a disintegrating sound as the light hit him. Callum laughed and saw Stuart, he was walking with a young woman rather quickly across the square. She had blonde hair and was familiar to Callum. She looked up to the window as she passed and saw Callum standing there.

"Babe what's wrong?" Ben asked, standing behind Callum.

"Nothing. Just thought I saw someone I knew," he said.

"Shall we get breakfast?" Ben whispered into Callum's neck.

"It's midday," Callum said.

"The best time for breakfast!" Ben began pulling on his trousers, he headed downstairs.

* * *

"I'll meet you down there," Callum said, he took one more glance out of the window and turned. A startling sight overcame him as he came face to face with the shadowy vision.

"What do you want?" Callum was exasperated as the thing smiled at him.

"You ain't real!" He got louder as his chest tightened.

"You'd better hope I am because otherwise you are just some crazy who is talking to himself," the thing spoke silently with a gruff voice.

Callum walked towards the door, the floor crumbled beneath him, it was sinking, something pulling him. Kicking it off, he rushed to the stairs.

* * *

"You ok, Mate?" Phil asked.

"Yeah Phil I'm good," Callum said and stepped into the bathroom.

* * *

"Are you staying or not," Stuart said to Lily.

"I am, I want to be apart of the family," she said.

"Fine. Well that flat below the Taylor's is for sale," they were sitting on a bench.

"Taylor like Keanu Taylor? Boy who kidnapped my brother Taylor?" She asked, a smile beamed on her face.

"The same," Stuart said.

"Oh goodie!" Lily smiled.

"When can I see Callum?" She asked.

"That's up to you, just try to be subtle yeah?" He said.

"That's my middle name Stu," she smiled. As he walked away, she picked up her phone.

* * *

"Darling, I've found the perfect place!" She said.


	37. I'm holding on tight to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily sees Callum as she moves to the square.

Callum was working at the funeral parlour, it was a means to an end and a steady routine that helped keep him organised. It was a steady income too.

He had been hallucinating again recently. They had been getting progressively worse and more frequent but so far he was on top of it. He knew who to call and where to go if it got worse. He was able to recognise the symptoms now.

* * *

As he sat at the desk, the door opened. 

"Hey is this where a girl can get a stiff drink?" Lily walked into the parlour, an uncomfortable smile on her face.

"Ha! Funny, can I help you love?" He said, barely looking up from the mess of paperwork.

"Hi Callum," she said.

"Hello," he looked up.

"You don't remember do you?" She asked, feeling a little disheartened. "I guess you were too young."

"Shit. Lily?" He asked.

"Yes."

He stood up and hugged her. "How are you here?" He asked.

"I'm here to settle down," she said and shrugged. 

"Does Stu know you are here?" He asked.

"He does. What have I missed, in twenty years then, your brother still can't make a decent cup of tea, I've learnt." she said and sat down.

"Well I live with my boyfriend at his dad's house," he said.

"Who's your boyfriend?"

"Ben Mitchell." Her face fell, "Phil's son?" She said.

"Yeah."

"I imagine the old man's dead by now," she laughed.

"No he lives over there too."

"Right."

"Is there something wrong?" He asked.

"No, by the way I'm moving to the flat over the way, below the Taylor's."

"Right? The Taylor's I don't suppose Stu filled you in, did he?"

"Not particularly." She smiled.

* * *

Lily had began to move her furniture in, Stuart was helping her. Juliet (her wife) was in town getting some shopping.

Stuart dragged in most of it, Lily carried boxes. They were clearly marked and stacked in a very clear way.

"Hey," said a rather chubby brunette, startling Lily.

"Hi, do you live upstairs?" She asked, catching her breath a little.

"I do, I'm Bernie," Lily put the box down and shook the girls hand.

"Bernie?"

"Bernie Taylor." She said 

"I like to know surnames, which family I'm talking to, I'm Lily," she smiled.

"Do you know Stuart?" Bernie asked as the sweaty man dragged a chair into the flat.

"Yeah," Lily said.

"You living alone?" Bernie asked a lot of questions.

"No my wife, Juliet is in town getting a shop in," Lily smiled.

"Oh, well do you need any help moving?" Bernie asked.

"That would be lovely, thank you," and she did, Bernie helped her move boxes.

Lily thanked her, "You're very kind." 

* * *

Once settled, Lily sat on the sofa, they had unpacked the kettle and she made tea for her rather sweaty brother. Bernie had gone back to her flat, it was clear that she was intrigued by her new Lesbian neighbours.

"Did you know he was dating a Mitchell?" She asked as she clasped the mug between her hands.

"I did." Stuart said.

"Doesn't that bother you?"

"It did, but he makes him happy," Stuart said.

"Does Dad know?" Lily asked.

"Oh yes. He knows," Stuart said.

"I hoped that prick would be dead by now."

"Lil, I don't get it, why are you here?"

"I told you," she said.

"It just seems so random," he said.

The door banged open and Juliet walked in, carrying a bunch of bags. Lily helped her and unloaded the items into the freezer. Juliet had long red hair which was tied back into a ponytail. 

"Hi," she held out her hand to shake.

"Hello," Stuart shook her hand.

"Stuart, right? I've heard the bare minimum about you." Juliet said.

"Same here love," he said.

"Baby I'm going for a shower, I'm sticky as hell," she said and kissed Lily.

"Have fun," Lily said.

* * *

"She ain't usually that sweaty," Lily said.

"Have you got a problem with Phil?" Stuart asked.

"Well I don't think he'll be all that happy to see me," She smiled.

"You don't mess with people like that," Stuart said.

"Don't kid yourself just because you work for the dearly deceased. We are people like that."

"I'm not. I've come too far for that." He said.

"Besides I'm too old for all that," Stuart said.

"We're all getting a little too old."

* * *

Stuart headed out shortly after, Lily walked with him. She had no intention of cooking, neither did her wife. Juliet was knee deep in organising books alphabetically. 

"Well I'll see you tomorrow," Stuart said. "It's nice, you know to have you back," he said.

"Thanks," she said and walked over to the chippy. 

* * *

Whitney was walking home when she caught a glimpse of her. She hurried over to Lily, a smile on her face. As she got closer she lost her nerve and within touching distance of the young woman, she turned and walked away.

"Shit," Whitney whispered as she walked home.

* * *

"What's up babe?" Ben said as he ate dinner opposite Callum.

"Just had a weird encounter today," he said.

"With who, did you tell Stuart you wanted to move back?" 

"No I didn't get a chance, no I saw my sister," he said.

"You have a sister?" Ben said, almost choking on his beer.

"Yeah, I haven't seen her in over twenty years, I'd forgotten she even existed," Callum said.

"Is she more like your Dad or Stuart?, you know is she a bit weird?" Ben asked.

"She's like our mom, I guess formidable, straight talking." 

"Does she know about me?" Ben asked.

"Yeah," Callum said.

* * *

The next day Callum arrived early at the parlour as Stuart was setting up.

"Who's chasing you?" Stuart asked.

"No one. I wanted to talk to you," he said.

"Ok, well I'm all ears," Stuart was achey as he lowered himself onto the chair.

"You alright Stu?" Callum asked.

"Moving your sister's furniture, killed my back," he said.

"She's kind of what I wanted to talk about."


	38. I have been here before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum opens up to Stuart. Lily sees an old flame

"What about her?" Stuart asked.

"I just don't get why she's here," Callum said.

"She's back because of you, look mate she heard about the call to hunt down Keanu that you set up," he said. "She must know Tubbs."

Callum was silent, once again his misdeed had reared its ugly head.

"She's here to look out for you," Stuart said.

"Right," Callum felt rather vulnerable. "I don't need that."

"I guess you would say that." Stuart said.

"What do you mean?" Callum asked.

"You don't see it, from the outside how upsetting it is when someone you love crumbles before you," Stuart said.

"I'm sorry," Callum said.

"Mate I'm tired, its getting to me," Stuart said.

"I've got something to tell you Bruv."

"You're not straight now, are you?," Stuart said, sarcastically.

"Ben proposed and we're engaged," Callum said.

"That's great news mate," Stuart said.

"Then why do I feel so sick," Callum said.

"Is it doubt?" Stuart asked.

"I don't know but I just feel ill, what if he only proposed because he feels bad for me?" Callum said.

"I don't think that's the case," Stuart said.

"It was very sudden, Stu."

"He loves you," Stuart said.

"But marriage is a big step, I've been down that road before," Callum said.

"That's different, Whitney was a whole different story," Stuart said.

"If its love then why do I feel so sick inside," Callum said.

* * *

Lily woke up earlier that day and headed out. She found out where the Mitchell's lived and knocked on the door.

"Hello," the door opened a crack and Lexi stood at the door.

"Who are you?" Lexi asked.

"I'm a friend of Phil's, who are you?" Lily said and crouched a little.

"I've never seen you before," Lexi said.

"Do you know all of Phil's friends then?" Lily said.

"I'm not letting you in," Lexi said.

"Enter a Mitchell's house uninvited, never. It'd be like walking into a vampires lair," Lily said theatrically and Lexi chuckled.

"You're weird," she said.

"Who is it Lex?" Lola walked to the door and Lily stood up from her crouched position 

"Can I help you?" She said.

"Is Phil in?" Lily asked.

"He ain't."

"Awww well I guess I'll have to come back then," she said.

"If it's jehovah's witnesses tell em to do one," Ben said and walked over to the door.

Lily walked away.

"Who was that?" Ben asked.

"Some woman looking for Phil," Lola said.

"She was funny," Lexi said.

* * *

Stuart knocked on Lily's door that afternoon. Juliet answered. 

He walked in and saw Lily sitting on the sofa typing.

"What you up to?" He asked.

"I'm writing," she said.

"You?"

"Yeah, what of it?" She asked.

"It is a day of surprises isn't it, I just wanted to give you a heads up, Callum and Ben are engaged," Stuart said. She looked up.

"Lovely, leave it with me," she smiled as Stuart left 

"What are you going to do?" Juliet asked.

"I want to meet this guy, if he's going to be my brother in law," Lily said, closing the laptop.

"Don't draw attention to yourself Lil," Juliet sat beside her and held her hand.

"It's hard not to," Lily said.

"Well try, don't forget why we're here," Juliet said.

"I know, baby," Lily kissed her wife. 

"It'll just be one drink, meet the guy and leave," she smiled.

"Umm ok," Juliet rolled her eyes.

* * *

Lily arranged for Callum and Ben to meet her at the Vic that evening. She sat at the booth.

"I got you lads some beers in," she said.

"Cheers Lil, that's lovely," Callum said.

"Ben Mitchell," he held out his hand.

"Lillian Highway," she said.

"Lillian? What are you eighty?" He joked 

"Mom was a reader, call me Lily," she grinned, narrowing her eyes.

"Were you the woman at my house this morning?" Ben asked.

"Yes," she said.

"When?" Callum said.

"A little earlier, I popped round. A little girl answered" Lily said.

"My daughter," Ben said.

"Anyway Ben tell me more about you?" She said.

"What do you want to know?" He asked.

"How this, came about," she held out her hands to signify the pair of them.

"How long you got?" Ben joked.

* * *

Whitney walked into the pub and saw Lily, Callum saw her.

"Whit? Join us," he said.

"Whitney Dean? It's been a long time," Lily stood up and hugged Whitney.

"It sure has, I invited you to my wedding," she said.

"I didn't receive that," Lily lied, "It's late but I can toast now? Who is the lucky person?"

"Well I was meant to marry him," she directed her gaze to Callum.

"Oh dear," Lily was mildly relieved that the wedding was a disaster.

"He's my brother," Lily said.

"What, you never mentioned you had a brother," Whitney said. 

"Because I was dark and secretive, Whit, strong silent type," Lily laughed. "Emo chic."

"Right yeah, who listened to musicals if my memory serves right," Whit laughed. Lily looked at her smile.

"He never said he had a sister either," Whitney said. Callum was drinking his pint.

"Speaking of weddings, Callum and I are engaged," Ben said suddenly.

"Ben," Callum felt overwhelmed.

"That's great news," Whitney said.

"Congrats, this calls for more drinks," Lily said and turned to the bar.

Ben was all smiles but noticed Callum's dismay at the announcement.

* * *

Callum excused himself and walked over to the loo. He stood in the bathroom, sweaty and afraid. Ben followed him.

"What's wrong?" Ben asked.

"Why'd you announce it like that?" Callum asked.

"Why not?" Ben said.

"I wasn't ready to let people know," Callum said.

"You ain't emigrating babe, your marrying the man you supposedly love," Ben said.

"I am not ready with Lily coming back and..."

"Lily has nothing to do with this. The reason she didn't pop in this morning was because she was looking for my Dad," Ben said. "She learnt he weren't in and moved on."

"Phil? What's he got to do with this?" Callum asked.

"I don't know, ask your sister," Ben said. "I'll see you at home," he said.

"Wait, " Callum said.

"What?" Ben turned around.

"I'm going to stay at the flat tonight," Callum said, tears in his eyes.

"Fine," Ben shrugged and walked away.

"_Well you really have fucked up, ain't you?"_ Callum heard a voice.

"Shut up," Callum said.

"_Don't work like that mate_," it said.

* * *

Callum burst out of the bathroom and walked out the door.

"You alright?" Lily asked but he was gone. 

"I'll see you later, Whit," she said.

"Ok," Whit smiled.

* * *

Callum walked into the square, his breathing was heavy as he sat on a bench.

"Woah, slow down," Lily said.

"What's happened mate?" She asked.

Callum looked around, his eyes couldn't fixate on one thing. The street lamps seemed to bend and flicker, retracting rigidly. 

"Callum," she placed her hand on his cheek, he jumped.

"I'm scared," he said.

"Of marriage?" 

"Of everything, I thought I was getting better then everything changed."

"Like what?"

"Like you, suddenly this person who I barely remember shows up. Stu told me ,you know, the real reason you're here."

"I'm here partially because of that but I meant it, I want to make up for those lost years," she said.

"Then why were you looking for Phil?" He asked.

She smirked and he said "You don't care about us, you just want what you can get," he said.

"That's not true," she said.

"Then why did you leave in the first place?" He asked.

"Because I wanted to start afresh, away from that place. It didn't work. It just brought me back to you," she said.

Callum could hear scratching inside his skull, a small irritant that grew louder, his sister's voice was barely registering over the noise.

"You shouldn't have bothered," he said and steadied his balance. He walked across the square towards the parlour.

* * *

Lily sat on the bench and leaned back. "Fuck sake," she said and punched the arm of the bench.

"You alright?" Whitney walked up beside her.

"I've made a huge mess out of everything," she said.

"Chip?" Whitney held out the open chippy paper and sat down.

"Thanks," Lily said taking a luke warm chip.

"How did we end up here?" Whit asked.

"Sheer bad luck," Lily said.

"I never thought I'd see you again, I had all but given up," Whitney said.

"Is that why you shacked up with my brother?" Lily laughed.

"And then some, I've kissed a lot of frogs. No I never did find anyone who made me feel like you did."

Lily leaned in, so did Whitney. 

"Neither did I," Lily looked down at Whitney's lips. Juliet's face was in the back of her mind as she leaned in.

She kissed her, in the middle of the square on a bench.

* * *

Callum walked through the door and saw Stuart.

"You alright Bruv?" Stuart asked.

"I've messed everything up," Callum cried. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and persevering with my story. I was unsure when I introduced the character of the highway sister whether she would fit well with the story. I certainly enjoy writing her and Callum's reaction to her. 
> 
> I hope you keep reading and all are staying safe. Thanks again, An_outsider_looking_in 😊


	39. A river filled with memories

Lily held Whitney's hand for a moment and stood up.

"That can't happen again," she said and walked away.

"Why not?" Whitney called out and Lily ignored her. 

"Lily?" Whitney was confused and upset as she sat on the bench.

* * *

As she walked into the flat, Juliet was sitting in the living room, her head rested on the back of her hand.

"Where have you been?" She asked.

"Out," Lily sat on the sofa.

"How many times will we have to move because you can't be sensible," Juliet asked.

"Don't start Jules," Lily said.

"I'm trying to make the best out of this and you are treating it like a game," Juliet said.

"I didn't want to move. You left us no choice," Lily said.

"Fuck you," Juliet said "I'm going to bed."

* * *

  
Callum awoke in his old bed at the flat. His vision was blurred, he looked down at the bed and saw an empty packet of pills on the sheet. His chest tightened as he sat up. His hand was shaky, pills were scattered over the bed. His skin was cold, his throat paralysed. A grateful final breath emerged from his crackled chest.

"I told you I'd win," he could see a silhouette before him.

Callum jolted awake, looking down at the blanket, it was bare. He was sweaty.

* * *

"Woah, bruv you alright?" Stuart ran in, he was wearing boxer shorts and a vest.

"What?" Callum said.

"You were screaming, mate," Stuart said and sat on the bed.

"Was I? Bad dream I guess," Callum said. "Sorry Stu."

"It's ok. I think you need to call someone," Stuart placed his hand on Callum's leg.

"No, I'm fine. Honestly," Callum said. 

"Go to that group thing then, ain't that today?" Stuart asked.

"Fine," Callum said as Stuart stood up.

"You don't want to end up there again," Stuart said.

* * *

Ben sat in the living room, feeling sorry for himself. He was going to call Callum but decided against it.

"You alright?" Phil walked in.

"Tickety boo," Ben said, sarcastically.

"Yeah I heard," Phil said.

"Shall we go the Vic?" Ben asked.

"Don't you want to call him?" Phil asked.

"Naah he'll call when he's ready," Ben said, pulling on his coat.

* * *

Callum arrived a little late to the therapy group. He looked a mess, had not had time to gel his hair that morning, also he had cut his chin as he hurriedly shaved the morning stubble.

"Sorry I'm late," he said and sat down.

"Lovely to see you again," said Lillian, the host of the group.

There was a spare seat beside Frankie who beamed at him.

"Right who would like to begin?" Asked Lillian.

"Actually I'd like to," Callum said.

"You see I've been though a lot lately and things are finally starting to look up. I'm reconnecting with my sister and I'm engaged to be married but I can't enjoy any of it. I feel guilty and sick, I'm pushing people away," Callum said.

"Perhaps you need to let yourself be happy, let your guard down, those bad things have happened and you'll never be able to go back and undo them, but you can move forward. Don't let them stop your future or else what was the point of going through them?" 

"I don't deserve these things, these amazing things that are happening, though," Callum said.

"Are you saying that you deserved the bad things?" Lillian asked.

"No,"

"Then why wouldn't you deserve the good," she said. "Survival is scary but its rewarding when you come out the other side."

Callum was a little concerned by her logic, he had allowed his fear to impact his judgement. 

"Thank you, that was very interesting," she said.

* * *

After the session, Frankie turned to him.

"I'm glad you're doing better," she said. "Ben was worried, did he have the surgery?" She asked.

"Yeah it was a success," he said.

"Oh that's great. I guess that's why he hasn't texted me in a while," she said.

Callum wasn't paying attention to what she said.

"I'll see you next time, yeah?" He didn't wait for an answer and instead walked away.

* * *

He called Ben, no response.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted, please call me," Callum left a message.

"You alright?" Lily asked him, as she stepped out of the shop. He hugged her.

"Ok, what's this?" She asked.

"Fancy a drink?" He asked.

"Always," she said, Juliet had left early that morning, Lily didn't expect to hear from her. She couldn't just stay in doors and wallow. Her encounter with Whitney was engrained in her mind. She wanted it to happen again.

* * *

As they entered the Vic, they saw Ben and Phil at the bar. 

"Shit," Lily said as Phil turned and saw her.

"I left you a message," Callum said to Ben.

"Didn't get it," Ben was staring at his glass, he seemed a little drunk.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted," Callum said "I behaved like a pratt," he said.

"It's ok, I should have called," Ben swallowed his pride, he knew that Callum had forgiven him more times than he cared to count, for much worse.

Ben took Callum's hand and they sat at a table.

"Still love me?" Callum asked.

"Always," Ben leaned forward to kiss him.

* * *

"Aww young love," Lily rolled her eyes."Pint please Mick," she said.

"So its true then, you're back," Phil said.

"It's not interesting enough to be a lie," she said, sarcastically looking down at herself.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't beat the shit out of you, right now?" he asked.

"How about I give you two, First of all you could try but it would only humiliate you and second of all, your son is in love with my brother," she said.

"And?" 

"Well as you probably remember, I'm very good at breaking things, marriages, ribs, hearts" she chucked.

"I really hate you," he said.

"And there's nothing you can do about that," Lily said.

"You could have killed me, why didn't you?" Phil asked her and finished his orange juice.

"Where's the fun in that. Besides I'm not a killer, I'm not even a criminal, I've decided to settle."

"Ha! Who is stupid enough to settle with you," Phil said.

"You used to be a menace Phil, a real name to fear, now look at you drinking juice in a pub, god knows how many failed marriages or assassination attempts you've gone through and it all amounted to nothing," Lily looked at the pitiful man.

"Nice catching up," she said. He grabbed her arm, "I won't forget," he said.

She pulled her arm away from his grasp, "Bye Phil." She smiled and left the Vic.

* * *

"What was that about?" Callum asked Ben.

"It would seem our families don't get along." Ben shrugged.

"I can't wait for the ceremony," Callum laughed.

"So there will still be a wedding?" Ben asked.

"Of course," Callum said.


	40. Deception, lies and marriage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum surprises Ben  
Stuart has an unusual experience with his sister in law.

Stuart walked into the cafe that morning and saw Giselle sitting at a table.

"You alright?" He asked.

"Don't suppose you've seen my wife, av ya?"she said, cradling a empty mug between her hands.

"Yeah she stayed on my sofa last night," Stuart said. He lied, he hadn't seen Lily in a while.

"I thought as much," Juliet shrugged.

"I heard you're a nurse?" Stuart asked.

"Yeah, I am," she said, she kept looking towards the door.

"Lily's difficult but she has a good heart," Stuart said.

"How would you know?" Juliet asked.

"Because she's my sister," he said, "Are you waiting for someone?" He turned around.

A unshaven man was standing by the door, he looked over at them and then ordered a drink.

"Sorry, Stuart I'm just tired," she said.

"Well you take care of yourself," Stuart stood up. As he walked past the bearded man, he said "She's free now mate," Stuart bumped into the man.

"Be careful," the man said he had a deep voice. 

"I'm shaking, look at me," Stuart said and walked away.

The man walked over to Juliet, she hit him on the arm.

"That's her brother you arsehole!" She said. "He's seen you now."

"Yeah and what," the man drank the coffee 

* * *

Ben awoke beside Callum that morning, he looked over at him. The alarm was beeping and he switched it off.

"Didn't miss that sound," Ben said.

"I've been thinking," Callum said.

"That's dangerous," Ben laughed.

"Why don't we just do it, I mean this is probably the only time our families will be together like this, so...."

"That's if your sister doesn't kill my Dad," Ben smiled.

Callum laughed "She's a softie."

"How about we just find a venue, registry office and get married!" Callum said.

"Well that's a change of tune, don't you want to plan this?" Ben asked.

"I'd marry you at the bottom of a ditch as long as it was legal," Callum kissed Ben.

"I think we've had enough of ditches mate," Ben laughed.

"Yeah I reckon so," Callum said.

"If you want to, I could call up the local office and see if they are free next week? Are you sure you want to rush into this though?" Ben felt nervous by Callum's sudden change of heart. 

"Yes I'm sure. We've been through too fucking much together to break up!" Callum was energetic and thrilled, Ben worried if it was a side effect of the medication. 

"I like this shade on you," Ben said.

* * *

Lily walked through the market that morning, she hoped to see Whitney and wasn't disappointed.

"Hi," she said as she stood at the stall.

"Can I help you?" Whitney asked.

"You free tonight?" Lily asked.

"For what?"

"We could have that catch up you promised me," Lily smiled.

"I'll see," Whitney chuckled.

"You know she's married, right?" The unshaven man said as he stood at the stall.

"What?" Before she could query him, he had gone.

* * *

As she got home, Lily heard the bath running, she slipped off her shoes and walked into the bathroom.

"Hey," she smiled at Juliet who was wrapped in a robe.

"Come back to grovel have you?" She said.

"I've come back to apologise, I know how shitty this whole thing has been for you," Lily said and stroked Juliet's back.

"This isn't a game," Juliet said.

"I know." 

Juliet took the robe off and slipped into the bath, Lily sat by the side watching her body recline into the bubbling water.

"Am I forgiven?" Lily asked, taking off her vest top and jeans.

"Umm, I'll think about it," Juliet smiled and pulled her into the bath, they kissed.

They lay in the bath together, Lily stroked Juliet's hair. 

"I love you," Juliet said.

Lily looked at her and kissed her on the lips. In her mind, she saw Whitney in her mind.

* * *

After the bath, Lily cooked some dinner. She checked her phone and saw a text from Whitney.

'Can we talk?" Whitney's text read. Lily didn't respond as she saw the second text, from her Lawyer.

_'He's been released_' it said. Lily panicked, dropping the glass on the floor. 

"You are clumsy we may need more glasses," Juliet said calmly as she took the pin out of her hair and allowed.

Lily showed her the phone.

* * *

Ben walked into the funeral parlour that afternoon and found Callum at the desk.

"Hi," Callum said.

"Hi, do you want to hear the good news or the bad?" Ben said and sat at the desk.

"The bad, " Callum said.

"We have a venue, the registry office next friday," Ben said. "Wait did you say the bad?" He said and Callum laughed.

"I thought you could hear now, babe?" Callum asked and stood in front of Ben.

"The bad is, Lily and Phil will be in the same room," Ben smirked. 

"I love you," Callum kissed him. Stuart walked in.

"Woah, what's all this then?"

"We are getting married. Next friday!" Callum said.

"Well I'll have to find a hair piece then," Stuart laughed.

"By the way out sister in law is a strange woman," Stuart said.

"How so?"

"I saw her earlier and it was like talking to Jekyll and Hyde," he said.

"I'm sure she's just nervous I mean it's a lot to take in."

* * *

Whitney sat on her bed, her phone in her hand.

_'Drinks?' _ She texted Lily. No response. 

"Fuck this," Whitney said and through the phone on the bed. She decided to get dressed up and head out, alone.


	41. Hold me too close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick update today. Hope you are all well

"Why are you so calm?" Lily asked.

"Because we have time to figure this out," Juliet said.

"Right, I'll need to call Callum and Stuart give them a heads up," Lily said.

"And what exactly will you tell them?"

"I'll tell them the truth, my wife's sadistic brother has been released from prison," Lily said.

"They'll hate you if you do, bringing that to their doorstep," Juliet said.

"At least they'll be alive," Lily said.

"What are the odds that he'll find us anyway," Juliet said.

"Last time you said that I almost died," Lily said.

Juliet rolled her eyes.

Lily left the flat, disorientated and in disbelief at her wife's sudden change of heart. 

* * *

Callum was heading to her flat as she left.

"I was just coming to see you" He said.

"Shall we grab a drink?" She asked, he looked down at his watch.

"Coffee I mean," she smiled.

"Sure," he could tell she was on edge, they walked speedily to the cafe.

"Lil, I'm getting married," Callum said as they sat in the corner of the cafe.

"I know, you said," she laughed.

"No I mean soon, next week actually," he said.

Her face dropped, "Oh that is fast, what changed?" She asked.

"Nothing changed, we figured this is going to be one of few times when we are all together so..."

"That's great," she said.

"You'll be there? Won't you?" 

"Of course," Lily said.

"What did you want to tell me?" He asked.

"Doesn't matter," Lily said.

* * *

Later that day, she walked through the market. Whitney was hanging dresses when she walked past.

"You alright?" Lily asked.

"I am, thanks for bailing on me," Whitney said.

"I know, things changed. But while I'm here I want to pick an outfit," Lily spoke calmly.

"For what occasion?" Whitney asked.

"A wedding," Lily said.

"Right," Whitney said she could see how melancholic Lily was.

"Did many people go to your wedding?" Whitney asked, still fingering through a rail of dresses.

"Who told you?" Lily said.

"Does it matter?"

"No, not anymore," Lily said. She decided on a lavender knee length dress.

"Are you going to the wedding?" She asked Whitney. Whitney didn't respond. 

* * *

Lily walked to the parlour, Stuart was sitting at the desk. The dress was stuffed into a bag, she ate a kebab.

"Can I crash on your sofa?" She said.

"Sure," he looked at her messy appearance.

"Has something happened?" He asked her. She smiled and walked up to the flat.


	42. Somebody knew me too well

"You again?" Rainie stood by the sofa, Lily opened her eyes.

"Morning," she sat up.

"I assume you've heard about the big day?" Rainie asked her as she squashed beside her on the sofa.

"The wedding? Yeah," Lily pointed to the lavender dress that was laying in a plastic bag.

"Class, between you and me you have two fantastic brother's there. Don't fuck it up," she said.

"Thank you mama ru," Lily rolled her eyes.

As she stood up, she looked for her shoes on the floor. The curtains were open and she saw Juliet walking to the cafe.

"I'd better make things right," Lily said.

"I don't care," Rainie said.

"Tell Stuart I'll see him later," Lily said, Rainie grabbed her arm.

"What?" Lily said.

"I meant it love. Don't hurt them," she said.

* * *

Lily left the flat and walked past the desk. Stuart was sitting.

"Don't you do any work?" She laughed.

"Where you going?" He asked.

"To see Juliet, make things right."

"I don't trust your Mrs, she was hanging out with a rather rude man a couple of days ago," Stuart said.

"What man?" Instantly Lily was worried, like a pin dropping.

"Scruffy man, had a deep voice," Stuart said.

"Right," Lily said. Visually her face jolted at his words.

"If you see him again, just don't engage," she said as she rushed out of the parlour.

* * *

Lily rushed to the cafe, to find Juliet. She was sitting at a table.

"Where have you been?" She said to Lily.

"Come home," Lily said.

"I'm still eating," Juliet said, softly.

"Please," Lily said.

"What's happened?" Juliet said. 

"Have you seen him, Robert?" Lily asked.

Juliet looked down at her plate. "He made contact yeah."

"Are you stupid?" Lily snapped. Everyone in the cafe looked around, including Ben who was standing at the counter with Lexi.

"He's my brother," Juliet said and stood up.

"He's dangerous," Lily said.

"I know but he's sorry."

"Ha, are you kidding?" Lily hissed.

"You get to have your brother's, the junkie and the deserter, we moved to be nearer to them," Juliet said.

"We moved to get away from him."

"Coincidence isn't it, your little slut lives here too," Juliet said. "And the man you betrayed, this is all for you," she said.

"This is barely a marriage anymore, beside nothing happened " Lily said.

"You want it to, don't you, you want her," Juliet backed Lily towards the counter, Ben pulled Lexi away.

"We're through," Lily said, "I'm done."

Juliet's face softened "You can't just blow me off, throw me away."

"Almost half of those years has been spent with court hearings and arguments. I wonder if you only married me to get at your brother," Lily said.

"If I hadn't picked you, he would have never gone to Prison," Juliet said.

"By the way, tell my brother I won't be bringing a plus one," she said to Ben. 

* * *

Later that day after he and Lexi had been to the aquarium, Ben was sitting with Callum in the kitchen.

"How was your day?" Callum asked.

"It was alright, the aquarium was nice, I saw your sister in the cafe," Ben said.

"Did she say something?" Callum asked.

"No but she was fighting with her wife," Ben said.

"Oh right, about what?"

"It looks like she won't be bringing a plus one to the wedding," Ben said.

"Right, I'll give her a call," Callum said

* * *

Lily was sitting in the prince Albert on the third drink, she felt angry and ashamed. Juliet hadn't called, nor should she. 

Eventually, Lily swallowed her pride and walked towards the flat. As she unlocked the door, her vision was blurred but she managed to get the key to fit in the hole.

Walking through the front door, she found that Juliet wasn't there. It made her jump when she heard the door close behind her, it was Whitney.

Lily's phone buzzed in her pocket but she ignored it and turned to face Whitney.

"You shouldn't leave your door open, round here," she said.

"Well I can't really lose much more," Lily smiled.

"I heard what happened, you know," she said.

"In the cafe, I'm sure everyone knows," Lily said, "I'm usually careful to avoid public arguments," she said.

"Whitney took a seat on the sofa. "Is she not in?"

"Don't think I'll see her again now, is it bad that I feel relieved?"

"If it wasn't right then it no," Whitney said.

"It didn't feel wrong, she just isn't you," Lily said.

Her phone buzzed again, it was Callum.

'_I'm ok, I'll see you tomorrow,_' she texted.

Whitney took Lily's hand.

* * *

Juliet was waiting on a bench, Robert walked up to her.

"She knows," Juliet said.

"Then we have to make this happen faster," Robert said. 


	43. The day before the wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day before the wedding and things are quite tense in the Highway - Mitchell family

Callum had texted Lily the address and time for the pre marriage meal. She was starting to get nervous by his constant reminders.

'_I'll see you later_,' she texted, as she stepped out of the bathroom she saw Juliet sitting on the sofa.

* * *

"What do you want?" She asked.

"I still live here," Juliet said "But that's not why I'm here."

"I'm all ears," Lily said.

* * *

Callum had barely slept that night, he sat up and watched Ben sleep, lightly stroking his hair.

"Morning," Ben smiled, his eyes closed.

"I've texted Lily, she's coming tonight," Callum said.

"Ok, doubt my Dad will come," Ben said.

"That's a shame," Callum said "Is it because of Lily?"

"No a boozer ain't really his scene anymore," Ben said. His phone buzzed and he leaned over and read the text.

"Yeah I'll meet you over there babe," Ben said as he climbed out of bed

"Is everything ok?" Callum asked.

"Yeah, just got to do something," Ben said and kissed Callum.

"Right," Callum said.

* * *

Lily dried her hair with the towel as she sat beside Juliet. 

"I loved you Lil, I did. But how could I stay with you," she said.

"I didn't sleep with Whitney," Lily said.

"It's not that, Robert told me, he told me what you did, you set him up," Juliet said.

Lily's heart sank. 

"Did you not think I'd find out?"

"He attacked me, beat me to a pulp to frighten me away from you, when I was brought in on that job for Phil, well I wanted revenge. Jules he's a monster," Lily said and stroked Juliet's hair.

Juliet slapped her hand away. 

"You sent my brother to prison, I stood by you I thought you were the victim."

"I was never a victim, I was just a bad person who got involved with a worse person," Lily said.

"So is that it? What happens now, you and Rob run off into the sunset?" Lily said.

"I guess so, I'll drop the divorce papers by," Juliet said.

"And the keys?" 

"Yeah, see you around," Juliet said, it was too easy.

* * *

Callum sat at the table in the Kitchen.

"He's seen through you, he'll do one," he heard his Father.

"I ain't dealing with this today," Callum said, not turning his head.

"Ere, listen to me, you can still go back I bet that Whitney will forgive you."

"Leave me alone," Callum was stressed enough without hearing this voice.

"Text ya sister again, if it makes you feel better, she won't show up anyway," Jonno said.

"Shut up," Callum said and Lola walked into the kitchen.

"You alright?" She asked.

"Yeah, sorry Lo," he said feeling embarrassed.

"Are you sure, we can talk if you want to?" 

"Naah it's ok," he said and stood up, "I'll see you later, yeah?"

"Sure," Lola could see he was starting to slip.

* * *

Callum walked through the square towards the parlour, he figured he should direct his attention to something else. Luckily Stuart was drowning in work and welcomed the help 

* * *

Ben was with Phil, he had texted him earlier that day to meet in the arches.

"You alright son?" Phil asked.. The place hadn't been renovated yet and Phil still had his key to the old garage.

"What's going on?" Ben asked.

"I just wanted to talk to ya, you know before you get married," he said.

"It's a little late for the birds and the bees don't you think,"Ben said.

"About Lily mainly, she's bad news mate and well I don't want you being dragged into her world," he said.

"I'm already apart of that world Dad, what did you think went on in here?" Ben smiled.

"Dodgy cars is one thing, she is quite another. When you get married I don't want you two to start your life around here," Phil said.

"What are you saying?"

"My wedding gift, find yourselves a place," he said and handed Ben a cheque.

"Thank you, but that's too much," Ben said.

"Callum's good for you, I like him and I don't want you two to suffer whatever fate that woman has planned, so talk it through with Callum and get out," Phil's face remained stern.

"What about you?" Ben asked.

"I'll be at the wedding, but after that I think I'll go back to Portugal, they ain't nothing here anymore," Phil said.

"What did she do to you?" Ben asked.

"She inherited her old man's temper and that's as much as I care to tell you," he said

"Ok, she seems ok," Ben said.

"Because your family," Phil said.

Ben hugged him. "I'm proud of you," Phil said.

* * *

Lily was styling her hair, Juliet had left a while ago, her parting words were not particularly sincere. 

Time ticked by and Lily headed out to the pre marital meal. It was to take place at Vic and was a relatively casual occasion to fill where a stag do would be.

* * *

"Hi," she walked in and hugged Callum.

Stuart, Lexi and Lola were at the table already.

"Where's groom 2?" Lily asked.

"I'm here," Ben walked through the door, a little flustered.

"Perfect timing," Rainie brought over a tray of drinks from the bar. 

"So what happens here then?" Jay asked as he sat down.

Ben kissed Callum, "You Alright?" Callum asked.

"Yeah, I'll explain later," Ben smiled.

Callum could see Jonno behind Ben, he was laughing at him. Lola could see Callum was losing his grip. 

"Well we drink and party before the big day, like a stag ain't it Cal?"

"Yeah and Mick might even push out the karaoke machine," Callum smiled.

"Might aswell get some use out of it, " Mick said.

The party seemed less tense as Jay took to the stage.

* * *

"You alright, Lil?" Stuart asked as they stood at the bar.

"I will be, yeah," she smiled.

"You want to stay over? So you don't over sleep tomorrow?"

"Stu I ain't five, I'll be there."

"You better had, he's been through too much," he said.

"I'll be there," she necked a shot.

* * *

"Hey ain't you a dab hand at karaoke?" Lola said as Lily sat down.

"Naah, not me," Lily smiled. 

"We should sing frozen," Lexi said.

Lily laughed, "Well ofcourse."

* * *

That night, Lily walked through her front door. On the table counter was a brown envelope and the other set of keys.

"Figures," Lily said and collapsed onto the sofa. Her lavender dress was hanging up ready for tomorrow.

* * *

Outside the flat, Robert was sitting in his car.

"Well we're done, let's go," Juliet turned to him

"Naah, I want this to hurt," Robert said.

"I want to go," Juliet reached for the the wheel, he grabbed her wrist and darted her an evil look.

"The weddings tomorrow isn't it? I say we have a little fun," Robert smirked 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are still reading and enjoying my story, I have taken quite a few twists and turns and was not sure whether introducing a highway sister would go down so well. I am still enjoying writing this however and hope you guys continue to.
> 
> We have a few more chapters to go yet so I hope to keep entertaining you guys.


	44. I was a fool to believe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day of Ben and Callum's wedding.

Ben awoke the next morning to find the bed empty, Callum was in the kitchen, cooking.

"Thought we might have a lie in?" Ben said, as he dissolved an aspirin in water.

"Yeah I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd make use of myself," Callum smiled.

Ben wrapped his arms around Callum's waist.

"You sure you're ok?" He said. Callum turned around still holding the spatula in his hand. 

"Oh hello," Ben smiled as Callum put the spatula on the side. "Maybe wait for the honeymoon," Callum blushed.

"I'm just scared that it won't be perfect," Callum said.

"It will be because I love you," Ben said.

"What if I get ill again?" Callum asked.

"Then I'll hold your hand and listen to you, I'll sit up with you and make sure you are safe," Ben said.

Callum gripped his hand.

"By the way, I'm sure I was too drunk to tell you where I was yesterday, " Ben said.

"Yeah you were out like a light," Callum said.

"Well I was with my Dad yesterday and I was going to wait until we were married , he's given us a wedding gift," Ben said.

"What is it?"

"He's given us a cheque to start over move away from the square, find our own place," Ben said.

"Oh that's a strange gift," Callum said.

"Yeah there was a catch, he doesn't want us living round here, doesn't trust your sister," he said.

"Right so do we just start up anew?" Callum asked.

"Yeah I guess so," Ben said. Callum was unsure by this. He wondered if Ben would be willing to make the same sacrifice if it was his family being left behind.

* * *

Lily awoke early that morning, Stuart had texted her enough reminders before the alarm had even gone off. 

She called him

"I'M AWAKE!" she yelled semi sarcastically. 

"Alright, I just want to make sure you didnt oversleep." 

"Stu do you not trust me?" She asked.

"Honestly sis, not really, let's face it you ain't one for being early are you?"

"Fine, well you can stop texting, I'll see you later," she said.

"It's at 2, ok?"

"Yes dad," she smirked.

As she climbed out of the shower, she dried herself and applied makeup, the creases had fallen out of the dress and it was ready to wear.

Stepping into her shoes, she stepped out of her flat. Robert grabbed her.

* * *

"Right, you ready mate?" Stuart stood by Callum, they were about to leave the house. Ben had already left

"I'm nervous," Callum said.

"Have you taken your medication?" Stuart asked.

"Yeah ofcourse., is Lily on her way?" He asked.

"I'll give her a call," Stuart said.

* * *

As the phone rang, Robert held it away from Lily.

"They'll come over if I don't answer," she said.

"Fine but tell them you'll meet them over there," he said "If you don't, I'll kill the first one to walk through that door," he said.

Lily exhaled and said, "Where's my wife anyway?" She asked.

"It's not important, answer the phone," he held it up to her face.

"Stu yeah I'm having a few issues, cosmetically so I'll meet you guys at the venue," she said.

"You sure? We can wait?" Stuart asked.

"No, I'll be there, you carry on," she hung up.

* * *

Juliet was unconscious in the back of Robert's car. She hadn't agreed with his plan so he had knocked her out, afraid she might raise the alarm.

* * *

Callum arrived at the registry, with about 10 minutes to spare.

"Is she here?" He asked Phil who was waiting outside with Ben. Jay and Lola were there with Lexi, they had all travelled with Ben.

"Who?"

"Lily," 

"No she ain't, sorry," Phil said.

Stuart called her one more time as they entered into the venue.

"If you don't make it here in time, then don't bother showing up at all, Lily I know what you're like and if you are about to do one again, then we're done," he left a message and walked into the venue.

* * *

He shook his head at Callum and the service began.

"She bailed?" Phil turned to Stuart.

"It would appear so," he said.

"What did you expect?" Phil asked.

"I thought she'd changed," Stuart said.

* * *

Jay, Lola and Lexi were sitting beside Stuart on the bench.

"You look beautiful, Lo," Jay said to Lola.

"You clean up quite nicely yourself," she smiled.

Rainie was at the Vic setting up, there was a limited number of guests that one could have.

Lexi wore a pink fluffy dress, the one she would have wore to Jay and Lola's wedding.

"I'd better get a new dress if you two get married," Lexi said.

"The cheek, maybe just get one wedding over and done first," Jay said.

* * *

Ben and Callum said there vows. 

"I promise to love you and be with you as long as I am alive," Ben said. 

"I will always support you and love you, and be by your side," Callum said.

They said their "I do's" and were pronounced married.

* * *

Tiffany was walking towards the chip shop with Whitney, neither had attended the relatively small wedding. They dabbled with the idea of attending the reception afterwards. 

Tiff screamed as she saw something bloodied in the alley. 

She rushed over and found Lily, covered in blood. Blood was rushing out of her stomach, she was barely conscious.

"Shit , Lil, can you hear me?, Tiff call an ambulance," Whitney said as she crouched beside Lily and applied pressure on the wound. Lily reached for her, her movements slow as she rapidly lost consciousness. The gash in her stomach was grotesque and almost split her in half, it was a severe wound.

* * *

Callum was euphoric as he kissed Ben.

"We're married," Ben smiled

"Congrats bruv," Stuart hugged him. "I'm sorry about Lil," he said.

"Naah, I don't need her mate, thank you for being here," Callum said.

Phil hugged Ben. 

The next couple were waiting to be married so they made a hasty exit.

"Make the right choice, son," Phil patted Ben on the back.

"Thanks Dad," Ben said.

"You're a good man, take care," Phil shook Callum's hand and walked away.

"Mick's put on a nice little do, let's go," Jay said. He hugged Ben "Congrats mate," he said.

* * *

Tiff called an ambulance as Whitney held the bleeding woman, tears rolling down her cheeks. 


	45. It all ends today.

Whitney's hands were caked in blood as she held her jacket down over Lily's wound. 

"Stay with me, Lil, come on," Whitney said as she held onto the bleeding woman. Lily was wearing the lavender dress, it was torn and bloodied.

Tiffany had called the ambulance, it arrived within minutes, the siren was heard before it.

* * *

The ambulance pulled up and the paramedics climbed out. Rushing towards Lily. By now people had started to gather. 

  
Phil was leaving his house when he saw the ambulance pull up. He looked over at the chaos, Lola was getting ready to head over to the Vic. Phil loaded his bag into the car and climbed in. 

As he sat at the steering wheel his phone buzzed, it was a text. His eyes widened as he read it.

* * *

Whitney stood up as the medics placed an oxygen mask on Lily.

"We need to call Callum," Tiff said.

"Yeah," Whitney pulled her phone out of her pocket, her hand was shaking. Tiff took the phone from her.

The medics placed paddles on her chest and charged. She wasn't breathing. Tiff gripped Whitney's hand.

Tiffany called Callum.

* * *

Callum and Ben were climbing into the car when his phone rang. Phil had taken Lexi and Lola back to the square. Stuart sat in the front of the car beside Jay.

"It's Whit," said Callum, stopping the laughter and banter of the newly wed bliss.

"You alright, Whit?" Callum answered the phone. Ben watched him, his face slipped.

"Tiff? What, speak slower," he said. Callum froze, he inhaled. 

"You alright?" Ben said.

"Yeah we'll meet you over there," the colour drained from Callum's face as he managed to string together a sentence.

"What's going on?" Stuart asked.

"We need to get to the hospital, mate," Callum said, his breath tightened between words. 

"It's Lily," Callum said.

"What's she done now?" Stuart said.

"She's been stabbed," Callum said.

The car was silent as Jay began the engine. Ben gripped Callum's hand.

* * *

Tiff placed the phone in her pocket, they watched on as paramedics tried to revive Lily.

"We've got a pulse," The paramedic said and they loaded her into the ambulance. 

"I'm going with her," Whitney said and climbed into the ambulance. Tiffany didn't go.

"She's losing a lot of blood, we need to get there now," said the medic.

Whitney watched as they rushed around Lily in the enclosed space. She was deteriorating, the ambulance rushed to the hospital.

* * *

As they arrived they wasted no time in rushing her in.

* * *

Whitney waited outside, she stood by the entrance her hands still coated in blood. She looked on at smokers and out patients as they waited around the a&e.

Minutes later, a black car pulled up and Stuart climbed out.  
Ben and Callum climbed out too. Jay went to park the car.

* * *

"Where is she?" Stuart asked.

"I don't know," Whitney said. Her makeup was dripping from her face.. Callum hugged her, she was shaking, her bare arms were cold.

* * *

They walked into the hospital and up to the reception desk.

"Hello, I'm Stuart Highway, my sister was brought in a little while ago," he said.

"The name, sir?"

"Lily highway," he said.

"She was taken into surgery," said the receptionist.

They were instructed to wait in the relatives room.

* * *

"What happened?" Stuart turned to Whitney.

"I don't know, we found her in the alley, she could have been there for ages," she said.

Ben and Callum were sitting together, Ben was stroking Callum's hand in his. Callum wore a grey suit, Ben's was crimson.

"Where's Juliet?" Callum asked.

"I think she left," Whitney said. Ben wanted to say something witty, some sarcastic comment about the unfortunate turn of events. He decided against it. 

Callum looked down at Whitney's hands, she was yet to wash the dried blood off them.

"Was you with her?" He asked.

"I tried to stop the bleeding," Whitney said.

"I'd better go clean myself up," she said and walked to the bathroom. Locking the door behind her in the small side cubicle, she looked in the mirror. She tried to fix her makeup, but couldn't. Tears streamed down her face as she hunched over the sink and cried dramatically.

She sat on the floor of the isolated cubicle, her head in her hands. Eventually she stood up and washed her hands, scraping at the skin to get the blood off.

* * *

When she returned to the room, Phil was randomly standing outside the door.

"You alright?" She said, making him jump.

"Yeah, how is she?" He asked.

"I don't know," she said, "You can come in" She said.

"No, I'm not one for cliches," he said.

"You love her, don't you?" He asked.

"I do," Whitney said.

"Even a cracked pot has a lid to it," Phil said.

"Is that all you came back to say?" 

"No I came to give a heads up, Juliet's car was found burnt up about an hour ago, they found burnt remains in the car," he said.

"Shit," Whitney said.

* * *

She walked into the sitting room anxious by the revelation she had recieved. Her hands were shaking, she had ran out of tears to cry.

Stuart was still sitting in the same spot. Whitney sat beside Callum, it was silent.

"What's the deal then? You and my sister?" Stuart asked.

"We attended a group together when we were teenagers," Whitney began, "And well we were on and off, the last I heard of her was when she moved away, assumedly she met Juliet there," Whitney said. 

* * *

Before she could continue the nurse walked in. The room stood up.

"I'm afraid Miss Highway suffered severe blood loss, after a multitude of transfusions, we have managed to stabilise her," she said.

"Can we see her?" Whitney asked.

"Yes, she is in critical condition, unfortunately the loss of blood most likely has caused trauma to her brain. It is possible that she is brain dead," said the nurse.

"What does that mean, doc?" Stuart asked.

"It means that she may not be able to breath without the ventilator, at the moment she is stable and we won't be able to test her brain activity until her condition has shown significant improvement," she said.

* * *

They followed her down the corridor.

"It says only three are allowed," Ben said as they stood outside.

"In these circumstances we allow those rules to bend," said the nurse.

"These circumstances?" Callum seeked clarity but she had already walked away.

Callum stood beside Ben. "I was so angry at her for not showing up."

Ben stroked Callum's shoulder. "It'll be ok, babe," he said.

"Shall we call Dad?" Stuart asked.

"No I don't think she'd forgive us if we did," Callum smiled. 

* * *

They sat beside her bed, she was unconscious, the constant beep of the monitor was sobering. A large tube had been inserted into her mouth and was taped on, there was a drip attached to her hand. 

The room was silent. Whitney stood by the bed and watched.

"Sit down," Callum said.

"No thank you," she said.

* * *

Ben's phone buzzed, it was Phil.

"I've just got to take this," he said and stood up.

"There are easier ways to get out of a wedding," Stuart said.

"She never does anything the easy way, does she?" Whitney said. She leaned down and kissed Lily's temple. 

"I wish I could have saved you," she whispered and walked towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Stuart asked.

"I want to remember her as she was," Whitney said, and wiped away a tear with her lengthy acrylic nail.

* * *

"You don't need to remember her, she's going to be alright," Stuart said. Neither Whitney nor Callum said anything. Instead Callum walked up to his brother and hugged him. Whitney left, walking past Ben who had just hung up the phone.

"Was that your dad?" She asked.

"Yeah," he said.

* * *

"She's going to be ok," Stuart said, tears rolled down his cheek.

The bag of her bloodied clothes were on the floor by the bed. The lavender gown was barely distinguishable through the bloodied patches

Callum and Stuart sat there all night.


	46. The day when dreaming ends.

Lily died at 3am that morning. The monitors beeped. She stopped breathing. Callum and Stuart sat beside her for a while after she had died. Callum was still dressed in his wedding suit, his blazer on the chair.

Her body was cold, the room was dim, the world would be asleep right now.

The nurses came in and passed a condolence pack to Stuart. Inside which was advice on funerals and recommended parlours. 

They were offered sugary tea but declined instead they walked out of the hospital. Rather than call someone, they ordered a taxi.

Fearful that words might bring tears with them. In the taxi, Stuart turned to Callum, he was wiping away stray tears. He hugged his arm around Callum.

* * *

They arrived home and Ben grasped Callum. He hadn't taken his medication yet. Instead of taking it, he took off his suit and lay in bed in a shirt and shorts.

"I'm sorry, babe," Ben said and stroked Callum's hair.

"I was angry at her," Callum said as he lay on the bed. He couldn't cry, it was as though his tears had dried.

"This is not your fault," Ben said.

Callum didn't sleep at all, he lay there. He could see a silhouette in the corner of the room, but squeezed his eyes shut.

* * *

Stuart sat on the sofa, Rainie walked over to him and sat beside him.

"She's dead, Rain," he said, and the tears began to flow. She held him as he cried.

A little later that day, Stuart showered and headed to the Vic. There was a sudden rush in his mind that he needed to organise things. The body would not be likely to be released yet but he needed to do something. 

* * *

"Alright?" Mick said as Stuart approached the bar.

"Scotch please Mick," he said.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Mick asked.

"I'm organising my sister's funeral, mate. I think I can take one drink," Stuart said.

Whilst hesitant, Mick didn't want to argue, he placed the drink before Stuart.

He drank it instantly, laying the glass down on the bar.

"Same again," Stuart ordered.

Mick was about to pour when the door opened.

* * *

"Son," Jonno walked over to Stuart. Stuart lunged at him, he pinned him against the bar.

"Why are you here?" Stuart yelled and punched his Dad.

"Because I my daughter's dead and my junkie son is planning her funeral," he said

"How did you hear about that?" Stuart asked.

"News travels fast, especially when it's someone like her," he said.

* * *

Callum climbed out of bed that afternoon, Ben was still lying next to him.

"Don't you have work?" Callum said.

"No, I have nothing more important than you right now," he said.

Callum walked over to the bathroom and took a shower, he found his tears as the water washed over him. 

He climbed out of the shower and cleared the steam on the mirror, the tablets were in the cabinet. He didn't take them. In his mind he'd take them tomorrow.

"You let me die," he heard her voice, his heart stopped.

As he cleaned the mirror, he saw her, bloodied and pale behind him.

"This wasn't my fault," he said.

"You say that a lot," she said, Keanu was beside her. Two corpse figures behind him.

"Naah, this is cruel," he said.

"You really are crazy," she said. He hurriedly dried and dressed, the handle was hot on the bathroom door.

"Let me out," he said as the ceiling collapsed. The door opened and he rushed to the bedroom.

"What's going on?" Ben said, holding him

"I'll be fine," Callum said.

* * *

"I'm here to find out who killed my daughter," Jonno said.

"You didn't care about her," Stuart said.

"We never saw eye to eye but..."

"No, you don't get to grieve for someone you pushed away," Stuart said.

"Have another drink mate, it'll make you feel better," Jonno said. His face bruised. Stuart looked at the shot.

"What the hell are you doing?" Rainie walked in and pushed the drink out of Stuart's hand.

"Home now!" She said.

"Guess she wears the trousers," Jonno said.

"You can shut up, en all," she said.


	47. Still hurting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following Lily's death, things are tense in the square.

Stuart sat on the sofa, Rainie made a strong coffee.

"What are you doing?" She asked him.

"I'm going to kill him," Stuart said.

"And what good will that do?" Rainie said.

"I don't know," Stuart held his hand over his head.

"The booze wouldn't help that headache," she said.

"I know that, I slipped." 

"Well you need to be stronger than that, whatever your sister was in, was deep enough to kill her, this ain't your fault."

"Rain, I just don't understand why she had to die, why couldn't she have called me or something," he said.

"And said what?" Rainie asked, she held his hand.

"I've got to plan her funeral and I know nothing about her, not really," he said.

"Then you'll do your best and I'll be there to help," she said.

"I'm not sure it's your help I'll need," he said.

"If your going to tumble off the wagon it's my help you're going to get."

"I love you Rain," Stuart said.

"I know you do," she smiled.

* * *

Whitney sat in her room, she had been sitting there for a while. She had heard of Lily's death from Sonia.

"Whit?" Sonia knocked the door. Quickly, Whitney hid the paper that she was writing on beneath her pillow.

"You ok?" Sonia walked in.

"Yeah I'm fine," Whitney said.

"Are you going somewhere?" Sonia asked, directed her attention to the packed backpack on the floor.

"Yeah well I wanted to clear my head, get away you know," Whitney said.

"Right, urm well you have a visitor," Sonia said.

* * *

Whitney followed Sonia downstairs and saw Stuart standing in the hall.

"You alright?" She asked.

"Yeah, I was wondering if I could ask you Some thing's," he said.

"Like what?" They walked into the kitchen. 

As they sat down, Stuart pulled out a folder.

"What are these?" She asked.

"I'm arranging Lily's funeral and find that I know very little beyond her childhood," he said.

"I don't know much more Stuart," she said.

"You knew her in those years I didn't," he said.

"I can try my best," Whitney smiled, she felt uncomfortable.

"It's funny isn't it, I was just thinking. This is twice that you almost become a member of my family and I've barely ever said two words to you," he said.

"That's true, the universe doesn't want me to be a Highway," Whitney said and picked up the form.

"Well she loved musicals, I remember she used to always pick something from Sondheim at the karaoke socials," Whitney said.

"I never knew that, she did say she wanted to go to music school but I doubt she ever did," Stuart said.

"She did, for about a month and decided it wasn't for her, the group we used to hang around with were predominantly part of a young music group, I don't know I doubt it she was into any of that now," Whitney said.

As they sat there, Whitney was able to fill some gaps in Stuart's knowledge.

"My dad showed up last night," he said.

"Fuck, has Callum seen him?"

"I don't know," he said.

"You need to check on him, he's going to need you," she said.

* * *

That afternoon, Stuart attended an AA meeting the first time in weeks, it helped him.

He needed to be strong but couldn't find it in him to do so.

* * *

Ben was trying to help Callum, but the more he offered things for them to do, the more anxious Callum grew. He was resilient to do anything but leave the house.

"Have you been taking your meds?" Ben asked.

"No, I ain't," Callum said.

"Why," Ben sat beside him on the bed.

"They don't change anything, I'm still going to see them, see her," he mumbled. 

"I don't want to see you get ill again," Ben said.

"I am ill and I will be for the best part of forever," Callum said.

"I don't want you to end up in that place again, just take your medication," Ben said, raising his voice a little.

"Or what? You going to call Stuart?" Callum looked at Ben.

"I'm trying to help you, mate. Lily would not want you moping around like this, making yourself worse," Ben said.

Callum was silent for a while.

"When were you going to tell me?" He asked.

"Tell you what?"

"About the car they found, Juliet's car," Callum said.

"After the funeral, probably," Ben said.

"You can shout at me and cry and moan as much as you like Callum, but I ain't going to be pushed away, I love you," Ben said and took Callum's hand. 

Callum turned his back to him.

"Fine, I'll take the meds," he muttered. Lily was crouching before him, her one eye was discoloured as she stared at him.

* * *

Jonno stood outside the house, he had seen Ben go in. He waited a little and then knocked on the door. Lexi answered.

"Who are you?" She asked.

"Hello sweetheart is Callum in?"

"What are you? Another sibling?" She asked and Jay appeared behind her.

"You alright?" He said.

"I'm looking for Callum, I'm his Dad," Callum was sitting on the stairs, listening to altercation take place.

"He ain't in," Jay said.

"Right. Well tell him I'll see him at the funeral, he can't run from me forever."

* * *

Stuart was leaving Whitney's house when he saw Jonno outside the Mitchell house. 


	48. Lily's funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day of Lily's funeral.

With help of Whitney, Stuart was able to organise Lily's funeral. 

* * *

The day finally came, Callum was sitting in the living room, the suit was lying on the chair, still in the film wrapping. Ben had gone to bed last night, Callum had nodded off a few times over the course of the evening but hadn't ventured upstairs. 

He stared towards the window as light cracked through the evening sky. He needed to shave and shower and yet he still sat there. Climbing up the stairs, he stepped into the bathroom. He had taken his pill that morning, there was a sticky note on the packet. 

'_PLEASE TAKE ME!'_ It said in Ben's handwriting. It was a cute and worrying note.

Callum shaved, he was nervous as he stepped out of the shower, often he'd see something waiting. This morning he was alone.

He was yet unaware whether his Dad was still on the square, by not leaving the house he secured himself in not having to see his Dad. Would there be any point in introducing Jonno to his husband. Hopefully Jonno wouldn't be around long enough to warrant such niceties.

"Right, ok," said Callum as he pulled on his shirt and tied his tie.

"May as well be a noose, how long before Ben succumbs, huh?" He heard his sister in his head. A bloodied hand print was on the sink.

Callum ignored it.

"You love him, so it's only a matter of time until you kill him too?" She spoke louder. He focused on his reflection, on his eyes. Little did he see his mouth was moving to her words.

* * *

"Babe?" Ben walked in.

Callum was zipping up his trousers as Ben stood behind him.

"It's only a matter of time," she said.

"What is?" Ben said, placing his hand on Callum's back.

"Nothing," Callum said, frightened.

"Did you sleep at all last night?" Ben asked.

"Yeah, a bit," Callum said and walked out of the bathroom.

* * *

Ben had found somewhere for them to live, he wanted to tell Callum. The viewing was soon, he hesitated. Perhap after he funeral, but what would be the newest excuse then.

"Babe, I've been looking for places to live," Ben walked over to Callum who was pulling the duvet over the bed.

"Dad's gone so I figured we won't have cause to live here much longer," Ben carried on speaking.

"Ok, where?" Callum combed his hair.

"It's not in walford, but it's a nice place, out of the way," Ben said.

"Let's talk about this later," Callum said.

* * *

They left the house a little while later, Callum couldn't stomach anything more than a strong cup of coffee.

Stuart was waiting outside for them, it was a small affair. One hurst and a family car to follow it.

"You ready?" Stuart asked.

"Yeah," Callum said.

"I've worn this suit to a funeral and a wedding in the space of one week," Stuart said.

Callum chuckled, they climbed into the car. Mick was standing outside the Vic with Linda. Whitney had been invited to ride in the car with them but declined.

Ben, Callum , Stuart and Rainie were in the car as it drove to the venue. It was a small affair, a handful of order of services were made and rested on the first bench.

* * *

Whitney posted letters through various doors of houses before she headed to the venue. She arrived a moment or two after the car. She wanted to make a hasty escape after the funeral.

* * *

"Son," Jonno said and reached out to hug Callum.

"Don't pretend we're friends," Callum said and they followed the coffin in. 

"You ain't still with this piece of scum," Jonno said. 

"Not that it's any of your business, but he's my husband," Callum said. He didn't wait around for whatever offensive comment Jonno would persist to make. Instead he took Ben's hand and sat on the front bench. 

Whitney walked in a little while after and Jonno turned to her, "You get around, don't ya, let me know if you fancy a piece of the old man," he winked. She pulled a face.

Jonno had clearly had a few to drink, he was determined to sit on the front row, so did. It would be easier that the service go about without a hitch.

* * *

After a rather impersonal affair, they committed her body to be cremated and walked away. Usually people would congregate outside to discuss the person leading nicely onto a wake. However as they left, Callum noticed a significant increase of people leaving the service. 

The song, ironically was 'Being Alive' from company, a choice that Whitney had made. She believed Lily would see the humour in it. It was clear who knew Lily from her music days, as there was a unanimous chuckle as the song began to play.

* * *

There were no meetings and last laughs, people had paid their respects and left. There wasn't going to be a wake, Mick would lay out some food and a place for them to talk but it wasn't an official wake. Nothing would be closed off because she was dead.

Some of the people in attendance were her age, others were much older. Stuart reckoned he knew a couple of the faces but he couldn't be sure. Ben was startled by how many faces he knew, faces he had seen talking to his Dad at various points in his life.

* * *

Jonno walked over to Stuart.

"That was lovely son, fancy a drink?" He said.

"Naah Dad, I think you've had enough," Stuart said.

"My only daughter is dead, I'm allowed a drink."

"Then go, fill your boots," Rainie said as she lead Stuart away.

* * *

Ben and Callum were not interested in whatever was escalating here , nor did they want the sympathy and looks that would come from drinking in the Vic.

As they drove away, Callum saw someone. A silhouette by the trees, a face that was familiar. 

He didn't say anything, especially as there was a chance it wasn't real.

Juliet saw the car go by, she watched them. Taking a deep breath as she wiped the tears from her face. She had been too afraid to go inside but left a single Lily by the memorial outside. She waited for the final few stragglers to leave, Jonno was one of the last to.

* * *

Whitney hadn't waited around after the service, she had her bag ready to leave. 

As she walked to the underground, she took one last look at the square. There were no parting words, just an exhale as she walked through the turnstile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not long to go now until I conclude this story. Thank you to everyone who is reading and enjoying. I hope you find the ending satisfying 🙂


	49. Our very own happy ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Callum look to the future.

Upon returning home after the funeral, Callum found a letter on the floor. He stuffed the envelope into his blazer pocket.

* * *

Over the next few days, Callum accompanied Ben to a few house viewings. He was beginning to find some will to move forward and he couldn't do that without Ben at his side. The medication was helping to suppress his hallucinations and he had an overwhelming sense of numbness. 

In a short period of time they had found a house to rent. They made sure to get the numbers for the local therapy and crisis points in the area. 

* * *

This was their final day on the sqaure and it was a day full of goodbyes. Callum had not yet opened the letter from Whitney, it was amongst his things as they were packed. 

Callum couldn't forget seeing Juliet, it was always at the back of his mind. As time flew by and the funeral became a distant memory, so did Juliet. He didn't dwell on the fact that his sister in law might have been alive. After a while it didn't bother him anymore. Much like Lily, it had become a distant thought. Besides Juliet being alive wouldn't bring his sister back.

* * *

He walked into the the parlour, Stuart was sitting at the desk.

"Alright?" He said.

"Yeah I think so," Callum said.

"You off then?" Stuart asked.

"Yeah we will be soon."

"I'm going to miss you Bruv," Stuart said and hugged Callum.

"Make sure you call me, if things are rough or you're feeling down or anything really," Stuart said.

"I will, thank you, for not giving up on me," Callum said.

"Never," Stuart said. 

Stuart had offered to help them move but it was clear how busy he was. Callum didn't want to stretch his brother's workload any more.

* * *

Jonno was no longer on the square, after the funeral, his vendetta for justice had fizzled away. He moved on one day, nobody asked where he was going. They were just relieved to have him gone. Jonno rarely stuck to things he promised so it was no surprise when he left this too.

* * *

Ben said goodbye to Lexi, Lola and Jay. Lexi was already arranging sleepovers at daddy's house, and movie nights. It didn't feel like they were really leaving at all.

"It'll be weird, not having you in walking distance, mate," Jay said and hugged Ben.

"I'll miss you brother," Ben said. 

"Be good for your mom, ok," Ben said to Lexi.

"I'm always good," Lexi chuckled.

"Cheek," Ben said.

* * *

As they walked over to car, Sonia rushed over to Callum.

"Did you get the letter?" She asked.

Callum was confused.

"From Whit," she said.

"I think I did," he said.

"Be safe ok," Sonia hugged him and walked away. Callum pulled the letter out of his bag before they closed the boot.

"You ready?" Ben asked as he began to drive.

"Yeah," Callum said. He watched as they pulled away from the square.

He read the letter from Whitney.

> _Callum,_
> 
> _Thank you. I mean it, you are probably the only man who ever stuck around. I've decided to move away, too many memories haunt me in Walford as I'm sure you feel too._
> 
> _I can't begin to tell you how much love I had for your sister. Lily was a broken woman but one who spent her entire life rebuilding herself._
> 
> _I hope to rebuild myself. _
> 
> _Thank you and I wish you the best of luck in everything. _
> 
> _Whitney _

* * *

Callum folded the letter and placed it in his pocket.

As he looked up, his heart began to pound. In the rear view mirror, he saw her. Lily, blood covered, her eyes fixated on him. 

He looked away, looked out the window.

"You ok, babe?" Ben reached his hand to grab Callum's. 

Callum grasped Ben's hand. 

"I will be," he smiled.


	50. Note from the author

I am overwhelmed by how recieved this story has been. It started as a one chapter piece and developed into a full blown story. 

Whilst a little of it was improvised, I did have a rough idea of where the story was going. The introduction of a Highway sister was something I have pondered with for a while. I also think the show should introduce a mental illness storyline around Callum is it is something that should be explored with Callum's character.

I won't drag this out, mainly I just want to thank you all for reading and commenting and leaving Kudos on this rollercoaster ride of a story.

Stay safe everyone and I'll be back very soon with some more Ballum one shots 🙂❤


End file.
